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Parenting

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MIL keeps arranging then cancelling taking baby

11 replies

willwewontwe · 08/07/2022 15:05

This is now at least the 4th time this has happened 🤦🏼‍♀️ She messages lots of times back and forward about a week in advance arranging to take our little one a walk to the park. My mum looks after her a lot more than she does so I feel I have to say yes. She sees her about once a month if that. I let my mum know she’s coming that day, rearrange my day around it, leave my work to do while she’s got her etc then more often than not she’ll message with less than an hours notice to say she’ll need to cancel. It then throws my whole day up in the air having to then go back groveling to my mum for help so I can get the work done I was supposed to do while she was out. The way she cancels is so casual too, like ‘oh well, need to go another day’ 🤔 After it happened the first time I was a bit annoyed but gave her the benefit of the doubt, it happened again and I made a slight comment about it. She did it yesterday again. If it was a weather warning or torrential rain I’d understand but it’s not, it’s like she just wakes up and doesn’t fancy it any more 🤦🏼‍♀️

I’ve told DH and he almost just rolls his eyes at her. I can’t continually do this, without being rude how can I tell her no in future if she’s just going to keep doing this? 🙄

OP posts:
passport123 · 08/07/2022 15:06

I'd just not rely on it for childcare - if it's a day when you're working say 'sorry, she's with my Mum for childcare that day because she's reliable'.

invite her to see the baby when you're not working.

Lollypop701 · 08/07/2022 15:09

tell Her she can phone you on the day and if it’s ok for you, she can come and take her out. you won’t agree to arrange it in advance as it’s obviously not working for her. She won’t ever call you

willwewontwe · 08/07/2022 15:10

@passport123 I think that’s the thing, even sometimes just with her naps, lunch etc I tailor the whole thing round having her ready for a set time, say no to other plans, for her just to message and say yet again she’s not coming. I think il definitely need to get a comment in about my mum being reliable

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2bazookas · 08/07/2022 15:37

"Mil, when you cancel arrangements with no notice, I have to rearrange my work, organise anternative care for DC etc. It's really difficult . In future, it's best if you only have DC at weekends, or on days DH is here".

forrestgreen · 08/07/2022 16:09

Mil- can I see x next Wednesday at 11
You- sorry mum has her then as I'm on calls, I can do Friday at 3 (eg, a time that won't actually matter to you)

If mil persists 'sorry mil, the last times you've cancelled I've struggled to rearrange my work and my childcare, so I'd prefer it to be a time that suits me, dd and you'

Cameronnorrieisabitofalright · 08/07/2022 16:29

Just offer up a time that suits you. Don't offer anything else. If dh wants them to have more of a relationship he can manage it.

Arenanewbie · 08/07/2022 16:34

Do as @forrestgreen suggested just say yes, if suitable for you without any rearranging
4 times is too much, she clearly is not reliable.

Pleaseletmeconfirm · 08/07/2022 17:08

It be really shitty to make a snide remark about your Mum being 'reliable'. Your MIL is being very inconsiderate but it doesn't warrant a row. I'd speak to her and ask her to make sure she gives you lots of warnings because it's so inconvenient when she doesn't. Then spell out why it's inconvenient. If she carries on cancelling last minute then you can up the anti with the snide comments.

SolasAnla · 08/07/2022 17:14

Make it not your problem.

Next time she asks pass her off to your DH.

He can arrange the outing time etc, and take time out of his work day to meet her.

He is in a much better position to tell her to cop on and you won't be involved.

So next time she calls /texts /sends a letter pass it on to him.

Job done, its nolonger your problem.

Dilemmaemmaaa · 08/07/2022 19:22

@SolasAnla yes I think that’s what I should do. I can reply saying to be honest my eeek is so hectic you’d be better arranging it for the weekend when he’s off. No childcare is so much easier than thinking someone’s taking them for an hour so you base naps, lunch etc round it, get an outfit on them to go then realise she’s cancelled again 🤦🏼‍♀️

SolasAnla · 08/07/2022 20:12

yes I think that’s what I should do. I can reply saying to be honest my eeek is so hectic you ’d be better arrange ing it for the weekend when he’s off. No childcare is so much easier than thinking someone’s taking them for an hour so you base naps, lunch etc round it, get an outfit on them to go then realise she’s cancelled again with DP

Short, no explination, just speak to your son about that.

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