I am not sure I can stand being a full time mum!

[Gemy]

I have 1 DD 20 months and a new DD of 3 weeks. And yesteraday I officially told my work I was not returning - and I am really really upset and feeling trapped.

Does anyone else feel like this? Is it that I am just in that period of getting used to the changes that this new baby has brought??

After DD1 I was very happy to return to work (I LOVE LOVED my job) as I had family looking after her, and felt totally at ease and new she was being loved and being looked after. But, with this one having arrived, that option is no longer an option. So, to go back to work I would have to use childminder etc and the thought of this is not a good one - I can't win!

Will I ever get used to this??

Well, it's really not so bad to use a childminder or nursery. The rest of us working mums do it - if you can't face it - well - you better learn to like being a SAHM

awww gemy, your only 3 weeks in with your new dd, congratulations by the way
see how you feel in a bit

I hope in time you feel more comfortable with your decision, how great that you have th choic to be at home or to work - but it is still early days with your LO. I had to return to work and at the time thought I would hate leaving my little man, but he is safe happy and in a very good environment with other children to play with and goes out each day. I only work 3 days and it is the best for both of us I love my job and am a better mummy for going to work and can give him the best of me for his 4 days.

I don't want to do a long post as I am not in your situation. However, one thing I am sure of is that with a baby of 3 weeks, I would try to give it time... as you suggest, I'm sure things will settle down and improve? Congratulations on your baby and hope you feel more positive soon.

make the most of it, they soon start going to preschool/ nursery/ school and then that precious time is gone! You think about it - they can start pre school (if you want them to) before 3, in a year your DD will be off there
I have a plan each week - decide what you are going to do each day - plus have some free time for doing spontaneous things. the time goes then and you feel like the week has some structure
HTH

I made the decision not to return to work whilst heavily pregnant and very hormonal. I loved my job and not a day goes by when I don't regret my decision. dd is 17mo. I moved 200 miles for family support so that I could work without using a childminder etc but my work is very specialised and I can't get a job where my family live so I'm trapped as a SAHM. I trained for 10yrs to do what I did and I'm not me without it.

as the other posters have said, if you can give yourself more time to make your decision. (congratulations on your new LO btw)

I think if you want to work you should work, tbh.

A trapped, frustrated mother is no good for any child. And I would not take as gospel the Daily Mail/Telegraph 'facts' about children suffering terribly in childcare. There are a lot of other factors involved and there is a lot of social/political investment in making women feel bad about having ambitions and maintaining relatively unbroken career paths.

I got a totally new job and started off with just one afternoon a week, it was just enough to help me stay sane and helped with PND.

Things will work out.
Give yourself some to time to think about what is best for you all.
And congratulations on your new DD.

yeah you will get used to it. Not for at least 6 months though. just ride the storm out and try to get half a day off in next 6 months and go for a facial and get yerr hair done. One day they will go to school and you will have clean clothes again.

Tell yourself that at the end of what would have been your maternity leave, you will examine your options and look for a part-time job. That gives you a deadline to aim at, which is probably less scary than feeling 'I'm trapped in a world of bum-wiping, housework and Trisha-watching forever'. Being a SAHM is no sign of moral superiority: some people are naturally, instinctively terrific at it and suited to it in the same way that some people are terrifically suited to playing certain musical instruments, doing increbily complicated calculations or hitting a ball across a net. SOme people, of course, have no other economic option (childcare would cost too much and there are no jobs paying enough with enough flexibility where they live - or one or more of their DC have SN or something). But being forced into the Little WOman At Home Wifey Mummy role when you don't like or want to do it is bad for your children as well as for you.

Congratulations, btw.

And two points to add to other posts: 1) As others have said, some childminders (and nurseries) are lovely and probably do more to entertain the children than all but the most dedicated SAHM. (DD has gone part time to a childminder since I went back to work when she was 5 months and she loves it, DS will be going to the same cm when I start work again after this round of maternity leave.)

2. If you want to rant, feel free to join the 2 under 2 support thread.

I think I would go bonkers if I was a SAHM. It's just not for me but I do admire those who do it.

I work part-time to fit around school now. When they were both younger they went to nursery every morning whilst I was at work. They are both happy, confident, well adapted kids who make friends easily (13 and 5 now!) and I think because I was happy going to work but getting to spend quality time with them, they were happy too.

Is there no way you could do part-time?

The first thing I would say is that your hormones, plus sleep deprivation are probably in charge of your emotions at the moment - so not really a good time to have made a decision.

The other thing I would say is that IME grass always looks greener on the other side - till you get there and then ...

After two DS's and 4.5 years off work I went back 3 days a week with 3 days pre-school for DS1, 2 days childcare for DS2 and a nanny doing pickups two afternoons plus one full day with both of them. I really enjoyed work - regained my identity and some self-esteem but I only lasted 8 months. One tough winter of colds and the guilt at having to stay home to look after DS's or myself and the guilt at feeling guilty was just not worth it! DH still says I am less tense when I am working, but I fell pregnant the week after I quit work so ... When things settle down after DD arrives I will look at other ways to maintain sanity. At the moment I am in a book club, camera club, do scrapbooking and DS1 starts school and DS2 has 2 days childcare - everyone needs to figure out what works for them.

HTH Sim

Yes, I guess I really have to give it time, as the time of having a newborn won't be forever and then I hope I'll really love it.

I am lucky enough to be a SAHM and I feel a bit silly moaning about it, when lots of other mums don't have the choice.

And in my OP I mentioned childminders etc and I just wanted to clarify that I think they'd have a great time at nursery/childminders, it's me that'd find it hard!

It still feels strange to not go back to work though - I think it will for a while....

Yes, you will get used to it eventually. Keep reminding yourself of that when you feel down. Your hormones are still a bit crazy as well don't forget.