Me and my kids Dad split up a few years ago. He cheated on me with multiple women and then left. I have two children, a boy aged 7 and a girl aged 4.
Since we split, he has gone through periods of vanishing and reappearing in the children’s lives. He has gone through periods of paying maintenance and not.
But recently it has gotten worse.
Around 6 weeks ago, he spoke to our son and told him that he would be taking him to football every weekend from now on. Following that call, he disappeared and I could not reach him for weeks.
He would not answer my phone calls or texts. He would not answer phone calls from the children and he did not turn up to have them the weekend he was supposed to have them.
One night by son was crying in bed because he missed his Dad. I sent his Dad a message and a photo of his son crying. I tried to call him. I got a text back calling me a c*t and to f*k off.
On Fathers Day, he did not come to collect the kids, even though he was meant to. He did call them and cryptically told them he messed up and they wouldn’t understand why.
After this, I contacted him to ask him when he was going to start paying maintenance again, as he hasn’t paid for 3 or 4 months. He told me he replied that he does not have any spare money and can’t pay. While at the same time, he has been at a different party every weekend, which I assume is not free.
Finally this weekend just gone, he had them for one night on Saturday and took them to a party.
When the kids returned to me on Sunday evening, they returned in the same clothes and underwear they had on when I sent them. They had not been fed meals, instead left to take what they wanted out of the cupboards and that turned out to be sweets.
And sadly, I found out my 4 year old daughter had left the party in the middle of the night and gone back to his house with his 14 year old daughter in a taxi and was left in her care.
When I messaged him about all of the above, he again called me a c**t.
The next day, he messaged me and told me he could not have the kids again on the next weekend he is due to have them and therefor will be going another 4 weeks without seeing them.
The last few weeks is just the tip of the iceberg. He does not pay for his kids, he dosnt want to take them to their kids clubs, when they are there, they come back swearing and with a bad attitude.
Me and my current partner are now starting to row. We do everything to the kids, raise them together, pay for everything together, take them to all their clubs and build our life around them.
My partner is saying that although the kids must have a long term relationship with their Dad, things cannot continue the way they are currently, because the elements of neglect and abuse will damage the kids. And the way the kids Dad swears at me is not acceptable to him. He described us allowing their Dad to continue treating them this way is like us watching the kids play on a motorway knowing they are going to get hit by a car and doing nothing about it.
I agree that the way the Dad treats them is not good, but I don’t think it will damage them and I can’t see any way of stopping their Dad from behaving the way he does. Other then stopping them from seeing him. Which I’m not willing to do.
Any advice or opinion would be welcome.