Not feeling totally connected to baby

[Leafer]

My baby is almost 2 months old. She’s lovely and cute and I like her and taking care of her most of the time. I just don’t feel like I love her.
ive read countless posts of similar stories but they tend to differ in that there was a traumatic birth or the baby is really fussy or something else that might explain the lack of connection.
I had an easy pregnancy, relatively easy labour and recovery and my baby sleeps and eats well and only fusses when she needs something that I can usually tend to.
I don’t even know if I feel numb. I just sort of feel not a whole lot, a bit flat maybe. It’s hard to explain.
like if she was gone tomorrow (I don’t mean in tragic circumstances) I think I’d be ok with it but at the same time I don’t hate my current life.
I also feel a much stronger connection to my husband still, more than my baby which I think might be weird or unusual.

Maybe the buildup to parenting has messed with my expectations. I mean I know not everyone falls in love right away but I expected to feel at least an overwhelming need to protect my child. I am taking care of her as best I can all day every day of course but even that primal instinct to protect doesn’t seem as strong as I expected or maybe it’s just more subtle than I anticipated.

I’m not even sure what I’m asking. I guess I just hope in posting someone else might relate or be able to articulate how I’m actually feeling.

Thanks for reading.

I don’t think it’s unusual but it’s potentially a sign of PND. I would ask for a referral to the perinatal mental health team. I found using a sling and cosleeping help me bond at 6 months after traumatic birth and first year with DD1.

It’s ok to feel this way. I did have the traumatic birth and fussy baby which led to my feeling disconnected. In fact, worse than what you’ve described, I completely regretted her and had to fight the urge daily to get in the car alone and keep driving and never come back. It got a lot better at about 4 months, now she’s 2 and the light of my life. We have a fantastic bond and I love her more than anything- husband included!

Sounds like you've got an uneventful life currently, and that's fine. I felt similar until my baby became horribly unwell and was hospitalised at 1m - That's when the primal instinct kicked in for me, I wouldn't leave his side! So please don't wish away your good fortune or second guess these feelings, they'll be tested sooner or later anyway.

I would speak with your HV and/or GP as could potentially be PND.
But I just wanted to add, I didn't have the rush of love people talk about, whilst I loved him, having him was the biggest shock of my life and it took me afew months to settle into motherhood.
It's the hardest thing in world but it does get better.
My son who's now 3 is my best friend and I can't remember life without him.

You've got this 💪🏽 but do reach out to HV/GP for some support, this is something I wish I done. I

God I’m so sorry to hear that. Must have been terrifying. I hope my post didn’t come across as ungrateful. I know I’m lucky she’s healthy and I definitely don’t wish to have that instinct tested any time soon. Thanks for your perspective, I appreciate it.

Thank you for the replies. I hear the suggestions of PND. I had wondered about that. I’ve had depression in the past and it didn’t feel quite this way so I sort of dismissed it but I think I will mention it to the HV next time I meet her.

I could have written this, exactly the same here. I’m a big fan of fake it til you make it - lots of skin to skin, cuddles, kisses, singing. Treat it like a job you want the promotion for. It comes in time but you can definitely help it along the way and then one day you’ll realise you’re not faking it, you’re just doing it :)

Oh and I was the same, I remember feeling awful at about 3 months when I realised if I had to pick between her and my DH I’d pick DH… if it’s any consolation I now have a new baby and while I love him we’re not quite there on the bonding yet and I feel like it goes:

DD
huge gap
DH
DS

but I’m not worrying about because I know before I know it I’ll blink and it’ll be:

DD and DS
huge gap
DH

just as it should be. It just takes time sometimes I think :)

Don't worry, he was eventually found to have inguinal hernias which were fixed with surgery. He's now a thriving 3.5yr old - And I've found that even though times are much better our bond is as strong as ever 😊