2.5 year-old staying away from home without either parent for first time

[TheWhalrus]

Hi Mumsnetters

Our 2.5-year-old is going to be staying with her grandparents about 200km away next week. This will be the first time she's stayed away from home with neither parent present. I'm confident she'll be fine for 1 or possibly even 2 nights, although we may be aiming for as many as 4: basically childcare is on summer holiday but we both have loads of work to do and can't get the time off. The grandparents are happy to help out, but prefer not to stay in our city for that long as they're country people and our flat isn't really big enough for 4 adults and a toddler for that long anyway.

I think both of us would really welcome the break (we're both pretty fatigued and seem to get ill all the time probably due to this), our daughter also really loves her grandparents, and they're relatively young (mid-50's) so still perfectly capable of looking after her for a long time and even suggested this arrangement. All the same, I get the feeling this isn't going to work, any thoughts?

It will be fine, be really positive and grateful for the break.
4 of my grandchildren spent loads of time here with DW and me.
We adore them and they had loads of fun.

In fact, one of them is coming to stay next weekend and we all can’t wait. ☺️

It's just mum guilt! She will have the time of her life and will be too busy having fun to notice you're not there. Children adore being with their grandparents and she'll probably enjoy the change of scene and outdoor space to run around in.

If they are good at jollying and distracting, she'll likely be absolutely fine. If they are the type to go to pieces if she has a wobble moment missing you, then it might not go so well.

She will be fine and will have a great time. you will miss her (but also sleep).

when my DD stayed with GPs for 3 days at that age, I made her a little 'book' (5 pages) about her big adventure staying away including a 'see mum and dad again' page at the end. It was a simple powerpoint text + pictures from the web that I printed out.

It is hard for a child that age to have an idea of time and how long 3 days lasts, and it helped her know the visit is fun but lasts a limited time (i.e. 3 sleeps until mum is back).

What do you think the problem will be?

@Bettyboop3 Nothing specific, just four days seems like a very long time for our DD and as others note, her concept of time or that the separation is not permanent might not quite be there. For example, she's still a bit clingy when I try to drop her off at kindergarten most mornings.

Interesting and reassuring to know that everyone so far thinks this will be just fine though.

I honestly think you'll be a tiny bit disappointed in how little she cares. Dropping at nursery and staying with grandparents is completely different.

They'll be grand, have a lovely break!

I think two or three nights is the most you can expect at that age they miss their parents however much fun grandparents can be

I think she'll likely be fine while she's there, but I'd prepare yourself for a rocky week or so once she gets back. Separation like that can make kids feel insecure and she might be especially clingy around goodbyes/bedtimes for a few weeks after, in my experience.

She will be fine

My son was a similar aga when he first stayed with Grandma, I was worried as he’d been home less than a year, has attachment issues. He did not give two shits that I wasn’t there.

I think as long as you trust your parents with her it will all be fine. Are they used to spending time with her so understand her well? Eg likes, dislikes, what to do if she's upset for any reason?

Yes, I didn't really want to post a negative experience - but DS2, aged just 3 at the time, struggled quite a bit with going off to stay at a friend's house (we have no family nearby and due to corona they couldn't travel to us) when I had DS3. He was OK when he was there, although slept in bed with my friend as he was not happy to settle on his own, then he had nightmares for ages mostly about me being eaten by monsters etc. We had prepared him for what would happen, we had visited friend multiple times and she had a list of his likes/dislikes/comforts etc, and he only had one night at my friend's house, then 1 night at home with DH and then DS3 and I came home. He was very used to and very happy with going to nursery in the day but this was different. But he is quite introverted and tends to internalise any worries rather than expressing them. I think a lot of children would be fine.

DS1 did first sleepover about this age and was fine but very keen to get back to me in the morning. He did first 4 night sleepover at about age 4 and was much more successful.

Talking from experience here, she’ll be fine! I left
my DD (2 years 2 months) with my MIL for almost 5 weeks as my DH and I had to go to another country for work. I was dreading it and terrified but she was fine and adapted really well (she goes to her 3 days a week when I work anyway). Honestly, it hurt me more than her, she lived her best life!

Shes been fine since I got her back as well, no clingyness etc. My only advice which I think what worked for my DD was that my MIL kept her routine the same.