Advice to Help 5/6yr old be more independent

[Waitingtobeamum]

Hi
I wonder if anyone can offer some advice on how I can help my nearly 6yr old boy be a little more independent?
a lot of people just say ah he's a typical lazy boy, but I just want him to concentrate a bit more, and stop expecting me to do everything for him!

He has a great imagination, but sometimes he's so busy in his own world that he doesnt concentrate on real life, so for example he's having a shower, but instead of washing himself he prefers to draw on the shower screen and always wants to play a game, rather than get clean.

Getting dressed, he makes a song and dance about and is too busy doing other things to get his clothes on or hurry up when it's time to go!

Same as getting ready for bed...And teeth brushing, he's always too busy looking / playing with other things, and doesn't pay any attention to me saying he needs to brush his teeth!

I know these are all really boring things that most kids probably don't want to do, but I just want to try and help him learn them!

He is doing really well at school, and is an end of July baby, so one of the youngest in his class, I don't want to be too harsh on him, but is hard not to compare him to some of the others who seem a bit more streetwise and independent (if that makes sense)

He is also an only child, so has had our full attention the whole time, which I guess may be a factor.

Some things I'd say just allow more time - drawing on the shower screen is fun, obviously not for you if you're trying to get him out of the house but maybe let him shower when there is time to spend longer.
For things where you do need him to act quickly, what about trying a timer and seeing if he can beat it? Might not work for your DS but worked for mine!

I wouldn't worry too much.

But how about things like setting a timer or breaking things down into chunks. Ok the timer is on for sixty seconds. When the sixty seconds is up you can play in the shower. But first wet get washed and shampoo our hair. Do you hear the timer yet? No so we keep going.

If he cant manage getting dressed all at once. Timer on. Socks and pants. Breather. Trousers and shirt. Breather. Jumper.

Keep things very simple. Do not over communicate. Even one word commands- Teeth. Not elaborate explanations that are too long winded.

Or a chart depicting the progresses through the morning/evening routine with rewards if he keeps focussed. At first you will need to keep him on task and remind. But you can ask him 'whats next'?

A ticklist of school items to put on and a treat for doing it all independently.

He can focus at school for short bursts of twenty mins or so. So he can do it at home you just need to find what works.

Great, thank you for your ideas!
It's easy to forget the simple things and just get bogged down into everyday life rushing about and getting frustrated!

Yes a morning chart might be a good idea 👍
Thanks for your suggestions, I think sometimes we make them grow up too fast, I try not to push him too much, but I do think he should at least get himself dressed, thing is I know he can do it if he wants to, it's just trying to make him want to that's the problem 🤣

Hi, just wanted to say thank you for suggestions, tonight we did a quick timer for the shower, then a bit of play, then we tried to see if he could get dried and dressed and beat his shower time 😁👍 needless to say shower was 10mins and got dressed in less than 5mins!
Super, thanks x

That's great.

Another tip a friend gave me was to offer them two options. both of which give you the right result but they feel they are in charge, eg 'do you want to climb out of the bath or would you like me to lift you?'
Or what are you going to wash next, your arms or your legs?'
Can be quite helpful in all sorts of situations

Thats so lovely that you came back to say that having a few new ideas has made some difference. It also helps you have greater understanding of how long he can focus for and keep pushing it.

Totally agree with the new posters suggestions too. Are you going to put on your pants first or socks? The red t shirt today or the blue? Illusion of control is
Important to some.

Also - DS is like this and he is totally different in school. Does rverohimself there.

He says he can’t dress himself but funnily enough he is able to take his tshirt off and put it on back to front when he wants to as a joke, can get his own drink from the tap when I’m busy and he’s sick of waiting for me.

So we have started being strategically “busy” - no we can’t wipe your bum, we are cooking tea. No we can’t get you a snack but it’s in the kitchen if you want to get it yourself. Etc. There was a bit of huffing and puffing at first but he’s basically come round to it.