How are you meant to react to toddler meltdowns

[Pen89ox]

He was a rough newborn but apart from sleep he’s been just amazing since. Now he’s 2.3 years old and he’s really just out of nowhere starting to push boundaries and have meltdowns about EVERYTHING.

I’ll put him in his chair for lunch and he’ll flip the bowl onto the floor and laugh. At bedtime he’ll hit me regularly and once he’s headbutted me. Yesterday we were at a cafe and when the waitress came to get out order he shouted at her angrily what he wanted. He’ll bang his head when he’s having a meltdown whether that’s a floor the wall just whatever. In the bath he’ll continually just chuck the water out the bath in any way he can. He melts down at nappy changes, bath time, getting ready, going to bed, everything we do seems to annoy him so much.

I have no idea now to handle these situations, I try to ignore the hitting and it stops, but how will he know it’s wrong if I don’t tell him? We tell him it’s wrong to shout at people and I ignore his head banging as the more I give him attention the more he does it however it’s awful to look at and I worry he’ll hurt himself.

He’s like this sporadically mostly when he’s tired, sometimes he’s just his normal self and absolutely delightful. He’s rarely like it when we’re with others like friends or family. He’s never like it at other peoples houses or at nursery, he’s only ever like this when he’s with me and his dad and I feel strange that I have no gut instinct of how to handle it.

Check out Big Little Feelings on instagram. They have a course you can pay for. I’ve not bothered, the free info they openly share has helped me plenty.

Oh and sorry meant to add that I’m sending solidarity, sympathy and strength your way! Two year olds are crazy!

You have two different things going on here, bad behaviour and the melt downs and they need handling differently. Bad behaviour needs consequence, I used the naughty step and it worked well. Chucking water out the bath? Ok DS, you can't stay in the bath if you do that again. Does it again? Remove him from the bath.
I handled tantrums a little differently to a lot of parents. I used to kneel on the floor and just cuddle DS until he calmed down and then we would speak about why he was upset so he could learn how to express his feelings through words.
Also routine, routine, routine, kids at that age need the strictest routine so they always know what is going to happen.
You say it's worse when he's tired, so preempt it. Don't let him get over tired, get him ready for bed earlier.
You can choose to pick your battles as well and give him some choices. Do you want to wear the red t-shirt or the blue t-shirt today DS? Toddlers like to be able to control things.

I think you are supposed to mutter ffs under your breath as you walk away..

I just go make myself a coffee and sip it totally zoned out when my DD is having a melt down now or if shes really going for it i just carry her up to her room in silence and leave her to calm down on her own. Then i'll go calmly talk to her about why shes reacted that way and tell her what she needs to do in future. Such as tell me whats wrong instead of just screaming and crying.

Two year old are crazy but the reason he's doing this is to see how much the rules can be broken. You need to stay tough and strong and reinforce those boundaries, this is how he learns to be a lovely little person. Have a read of how to talk so little people will listen. It's really helpful to understand how they see things and interpret what you say to them. Always explain why we don't do x/y/z and offer choices of what he can do eg 'I can see you are wanting to splash in the bath, mummy doesn't want water on the floor as it can damage the house, how about we do little splashes / we pour this water in here / some other distraction' and if he's actually violent you can stop him and give him an immediate consequence eg 'we don't hit, you've hurt mummy, there's no story for bedtime tonight'. It's very hard work but so so important for the long run!

I was in this school of thought. Toddlers are twats.

🤣 years ago my friend was pulled aside by the nursery and told that her little boy kept saying "for sake" when he dropped things. They asked that she speak to her husband about his language. The husband was from northern England, she was Swedish. Her little boy didn't learn that phrase from his dad.

I would set limits on the behaviour you don't want, and this encourages the behaviour you do want. Give warnings beforehand, DISTRACT and if it doesn't work, then follow through. I've given some examples of what to say as l REALLY struggled when I had a young toddler to express myself (no wonder he did too!)

Head butting: "I won't let you hurt me." 2nd: physically remove yourself or restrain him in the buggy/car seat: "

Throwing water: "we need the water in the bath, it's more fun- let's pour the water from the jug into our hands instead" 2nd: "there's not enough water in the bath now because it's on the floor: now We have to mop the floor. Let's get our mops/towels, this ones yours"

in that case I am nailing it.