Going back to work after 6 months mat leave

[Terribletooths]

Desperately worried going back to work

DD 6MONTHS is mostly breastfeeding, takes the occasional bottle but hates it. She is known to cry so much she throws up and Can only be consoled by me.

DH is taking paternity leave so no nursery or nanny yet and I'm going back to office 3 days a week with wfh 2 days a week. It's in city so can't come home at lunch to see. So I'll be out from 7am to 7pm including travel time.

'I've tried easing in and i've left them for 1 hour tops and I get the 'hurryup' text as she's screaming the place down..

Have to go back after 6.months as need the money but feeling so so worried..tell me your experience and hopefully it'll make me feel better

I went back FT after 6mth maternity leave, and baby adapted just fine. Your baby will adapt and accommodate the new routine & environment. You need to be resilient and not get in a fug of mummy guilt. You will need to be adept at ignoring the comments and judgments associated with having a baby in nursery, unfortunately I received comments, and disapproval from other women. Interestingly, no man ever asked why I returned to work. In summary,you’ll be fine, baby will be too. Lose the mum guilt and just crack on.

Your DH needs to stop with the “hurry up, she’s screaming the place down” texts and try a bit harder. He can’t be doing that once you’re back at work.

Keep up with the easing in plan, go out for a hot every day, turn your phone off for a couple of hours. Your DH and DC will have to get used to it.

Oh I agree, I omitted to say your dh needs to stop the fraught texting and learn to settle his own baby.

I did this with both mine at around 7 months when DH took his share of the leave and I went back to work. Both BF until about 20 months, I expressed at work for a while (similar commute.)

DS2 in particular was a worry as he was a total bottle refusée, including if I was out for a couple of hours. But day 1, he seemed to sense something was different and downed the bottle like a champ. Weirdly though he soon rejected breast milk from a bottle, preferred formula but still preferred breastfeeding if I was anywhere near.

I won't say it wasn't without it's tough moments for me - having to be ok with DH being the primary parent was weirder than I thought after being in charge for all of pregnancy + the first six months. Little things like routine changes, 'we don't do it that way any more', 'actually he really likes X now' were more challenging than I'd expected.

But our kids absolutely thrived as a result and we really are more or less equal parents even a decade later because there was no 'mummy is the default' mode, and being primary carer for an extended period absolutely transformed him as a parent (including getting a better understanding of how tough it can be day in day out.. but overall it really strengthened and deepened his bond with both our boys. And I got to settle back in at work without instantly having the stress of the nursery run etc which made it easier to get reestablished.

Long story short - it's a brilliant thing to do though not without its ups and downs. If yours is really stubborn in the bottle thing, at 6 months would he drink it from a cup instead?

(We had no easing in - we took a month off and went on holiday together to my home country, I was back to work 2 days after we got back. Ripping the plaster off worked quite well actually.)

good feedback @JassyRadlett its important to hear the regular positive accounts as too often it’s the tears and drama stories that are repeated. Yes mine were bf in morning and evening and took formula from a bottle at nursery. Children & babies can and do adapt to the nursery routine. For me, return to work. Was important so that I felt like me, and not solely mum.

Both of my girls were EBF and bottle refusers. I went back to work at 6 months with the eldest one, and she spent 3 months with her dad. The younger one went to a childminder at 7 months. Both were absolutely fine, and neither ever took a bottle!
The eldest one, drank water from her beaker, and my husband would give her a fruit pouch when she was sad/ he thought she was hungry (alongside the normal weaning) and she’d just feed for a couple of hours in the evening, and then a long feed in the morning too. She was completely fine, and has a brilliant bond with her dad!
My younger daughter, went to a childminder at 7 months. She had CMPA and so under the dietician advice she had oat milk in a beaker when I went back to work as she’s been slow to put on weight. She did take it, under protest and after trying a number of different ones, but to be honest, she did the same and took big feeds before and after I went to work. All
completely fine, and no massive drama.
They just get used to the new routine!

I fed our eldest til she was nearly 3 (once she’d named the boobs I was done) and our youngest is still feeding at 17 months…

Try a free flow beaker like tommee tippee first cup or a doidy cup. My daughter never ever took a bottle. I understand your worries but she survived!

Agree the beakers and doidy cups are a good alternative to bottle

I went back to work when DS was 7 months old. He drank water out of a Doidy cup while I was at work. He wouldn’t drink from a bottle. He’d drink expressed milk or formula if and only if it was mixed with fruit juice. The adjustment process was difficult and involved a lot of prolonged crying spells.

DS started waking every 1-2 hours at night as soon as I went back to work, plus he cluster fed a lot in the mornings. I worked 6am-2pm shifts before DS was born, but when I went back after maternity I asked to work 2pm -10pm shifts as DS had a very late bedtime and absolutely nothing would coax him into going to bed earlier. I hope your baby’s bedtime and wake up time mesh well with your working hours.