Contact with both parents whilst going through divorce

[Jayne133]

Hi

I'm new to this and have never posted here previously.
My husband of 24yrs was having an affair with an 18yr old employee, recently turned 19. Since we separated this March he has had contact with our 12yr old daughter every Sunday and Monday night, not consistently as he has let her down on quite a few occasions such as booking holidays and events on some contact days.
He is in a formal relationship with the teen employee now and plans on her moving in with him in August. She is presently staying there 5 days a week.

He has informed me that he will not have our daughter staying down from August unless his teenage partner is there. There is only 6yrs between my daughter and the new partner, I'm worried this may impact upon our daughter and confuse her, additionally I feel he's given our daughter little time to get used to a new normal.

We also share a 23yr old son who is refusing all communication with his dad.

I want my daughter to see her dad but worry about the circumstances, any advice would be appreciated?

Well your ex is clearly a twat but you can’t tell her that. You can’t control what he does or reason with someone stupid so all you can do is listen to your daughter, don’t bad mouth her Dad and be there for the fall out.

I am not sure what you mean. His teen girlfriend is moving in in August so I assume she will be there. But he will only have his daughter visit if his girlfriend is there? Won't she be there if she lives there? Where else would she be?

The situation is awful but I don't really understand that specific aspect of the issue.

I would have hoped that given the circumstances and such a short space of time that my daughters dad would have put her first for at least another few months and shielded her from such a situation. The teenage partner presently lives with her parents on the 2 days that my daughter visits her dad however he is adamant that from August my daughters time will be spent with them both on those 2 days as his partner is moving in with him. It just doesn't sit right with me.

Its shit .....but there's nothing you can do about him..
What you can do is make it clear to your daughter that any visits are up to her ..and you will be supprt whatever she chooses todo..
Maybe not slag him off completely but equally you do not need to defend him or pretend theres no issues..
She's 12 so you can say you don't agree with his choices but you have separated..