DH is so good with our son, he's often too good..

[Janie90]

Hi all, I could do with a bit of advice...I really don't want to sound unappreciative of my DH because I am so grateful he's great with our son and I'm lucky to have a man who helps out...

But I need to have a moan because often at the end of a weekend (so currently right now!) I'm left feeling a bit put out.

DH makes it his aim to focus fully on our DS(who is 2.5 and required a lot of attention and energy) the whole weekend, which is nice because it means I can have a bath etc, but then I end up feeling slightly left out and as if I don't exist to them both because they are just fully focusing on each other.
I feel like a third wheel and despite trying my hardest to join in, part of me doesn't want to because I want the break where I spend time alone with DS during the week (I work part-time).
I think part of the problem as well is I actually find playing with DS a bit of a chore and DH is just naturally better at it than

Am I being overly sensitive..? Or maybe a bit selfish!? Does anyone else experience this a bit? X

There were certainly some stages where I found it much easier to play <whatever>, and other where I found it so deeply tedious! Eg playparks, I really hate that stage. Especially the swings

So maybe it's just a stage? But coming after the all-encompassing nature of babyhood, you suddenly feel left out. Do you think you could tell him how you feel?

Also you know that it is totally normal for there sometimes to be a favourite parent? And that can switch?

I think it’s normal. It’s also not that unusual for Dad’s to be more into playing with kids.

However your son is going to be happiest when your marriage is happy. So I would say to your husband, it’s lovely you want to spend loads of time with him, but I’d also like it if we do something as a family each weekend (I find things like a trip somewhere more interesting to do with kids than endless imaginary play). You also need some time the two of you in the evenings.

You want to heavily acknowledge that it’s great he wants to be so involved and obvs he doesn’t get to be with him during the week.

I think in your shoes I would try to make the most of it, your DH doesn't get to see your DS in the week as much as you do, and you do get 1-1 time, so it sounds like DS is bonding with both. As your DH gets older you will naturally evolve to different patterns, as a child is able to play with you both or visit interesting places.

Do you have anything you might like to do with the time?

I totally understand where you’re coming from, because I’ve been in similar situation, but you are being over sensitive. Enjoy having a break, other times you’ll be favourite parent or better at some aspect try to just roll with it.

My children are much older, and dh is much more fun than me, but I’m much better and calm and sympathy.

It sounds like your Dh is creating a great bond with his son. Cherish it (and maybe read the lazy Dp and enabling MIL thread) because they will have a lovely Father/Son relationship. You have one on one time with your son in the week as you work part time, your Dh probably feels very left out of those days too.

My sons are 19 and 16, I have been a SAHM all the time and they have an incredible closeness to both of us because like your Dh he put a lot of effort in to playing, caring, providing anything from meals to comforting them when ill. There is nothing this man wouldn't do for his children. It is absolutely lovely to have that.

And yes, I do understand feeling left out, even now they will be chatting in the kitchen making dinner or something but I stop myself from feeling left out and appreciate that they can have a laugh together or a serious chat. I cherished being able to have one to one time with my sons, why begrudge my Dh the same?

Do you think you have an element of jealousy that DH just seems to enjoy playing the fun parent more than you do? It’s completely okay if that’s the case. It massively helps that your DH only has to do it 2 days a week - I’m sure if it’s was 7 days a week he might be less enthusiastic. Parenting a toddler is a really difficult task and I bet you do more of the mundane tasks then he does if you work part time.

If you want to make changes, either set aside a couple of hours at the weekend where DH goes out and does his thing and it’s just you and DS. Or try day trips that don’t just focus on DS (we love the garden centre for example). Alternatively though, don’t make any changes and just enjoy some space - if you need to hear it, you don’t need to feel guilty about doing what you want to do at the weekend.

If you don't like playing games leave then to it and have time for your self or catch up on jobs. After all you get more time in the week. But maybe sometimes go to the park together or see family together.