Ds5 anxiety and planning.

[Picklebob123]

We took DS 5yrs out to cinema with younger sibling. The show wasn't until the evening and he spent all day being argumentative about everything, saying he didn't want to go, then he did, really emotional and lost.

He then required a map of where its too, where we are going to park, what we do when in there. How long until we go.

Once there he was fine and back to normal after.

Is this normal behaviour when trying to go somewhere new?

No, this is extreme behaviour. Was it a one off?

Not normal for a 5 year old but next time you're going somewhere why don't you pre empt this by giving a briefing of all the info when you announce the trip and see how they get on.

To be honest it's probably the first big 'new' thing since covid that we have made a fuss out of.

Saturdays he is 75% of the time unsettled. Not sure if it's the change of routine from the week being at school changing. Sunday he is a dream.

He is very hit and miss with moods and can be started by us changing something without telling him, something not going the way he has internally planned it, changing his breakfast for example or different toothpaste without telling him first.

I have mentioned to his teacher but she said he fine in school, prefers to be with adults at lunch but they will usher him away and anxiety over trying new play equipment.

So confused, hes a good kid, something dosnt seem right but hes super chatty and confident so makes me doubt anything.

My daughter (age 7) is a bit like this - nervous about new things, likes to know the details of what we’re doing and how we’re getting there, that kind of thing. She got quite unsettled on our holiday over half-term, as it was the first family holiday we’d ever been on, which was frustrating. She also struggles with transitions from one thing to another, and needs advance warning (dinner in five minutes so you need to stop playing/ reading).

To make life easier, I tell her about our plans for the weekend or over the holidays in advance. So for a normal weekend, I’d talk her through the plans on Friday afternoon after school - swimming class Sat morning, trip to the park Sat afternoon, that kind of thing. During the week I’ll remind her of stuff coming up - PE tomorrow, after school club on Tuesday as usual, etc. For more ‘unusual’ events (eg: trip to visit friends one weekend), I’d start talking about it in advance, with more details as it gets closer.

But, I’m aware that this isn’t ‘normal’ and I have some concerns about potential neurodiversity (autism, which can present as anxiety). I often wonder if I’m making things worse by pandering to her anxiety rather than letting her face new things, but at the same time I don’t want to upset her and make her distressed. It’s difficult.