Can’t shake this anxiety/depression

[Ali2016]

Tonight has really got to me. My 5 month old has started teething so we haven’t had the best of days, she has been crying on and off all day but tonight during getting her to bed she would just not be consoled by me. I hate the fact that I can’t console her. She has got a temper which makes things a bit more difficult but usually I can’t calm her down but not tonight.

my mum has been staying with me and my partner as I have been feeling really anxious and sometimes depressed. He works late shifts And I have needed the help.

we had tried for years to have a baby and feel so blessed to have her that I worry about the slightest thing and I panic all the time worrying something is wrong to the point I feel like I’m missing out enjoying her. I feel depressed that my partner is never really here because he works lates all the time and that my mum is helping me. I’m so embarrassed that I haven’t told anyone about my mum staying because I don’t want them to think I can’t cope.

I know it will get better but when? I just feel like nothing has gone how it’s supposed to. You have this idea in your head what it’s going to be like and I feel like I’m just letting everyone down, especially my little one with my anxiety/depression.

sorry for the long post, I just really needed to get this off my chest

I’ve been there

it’s really hard

you have nothing to feel guilty about

guilt is a feature of depression

depression is/ends up being a chemical deficiency

pregnancy hormones don’t help

speak to a doctor. Stop feeling guilty. It’s not your fault and you sound a fabulous mum. You may need meds or talking therapy. Healthy diet, seeing positive friends, outdoor exercise and nature will help. You will get through this. Having your mum there is a a great and sensible thing to do. Take care

Thank you. It’s just been a tough week. I feel like I have a good few days then bad days and just lose all my confidence

I'm sorry you are feeling like this.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, just hang in there.

DO NOT feel guilty/embarrassed about having your mum stay. I am a firm believer in the phrase "it takes a village to raise a child" and too many women don't call on their village enough and suffer alone. It shouldn't be that way. Plus I'm sure your DM is loving that she gets to have such a close bond with her DGC.

Thank you for your kind words.

my mum has been amazing I just feel that I’m not a strong person because of the help. I do feel that if my husband worked better hours it would be much better. I think I just feel like I’m doing this on my own without my husband.

feels so good to get this off my chest.

Did you have any struggles with anxiety/depression before having baby? I've always had issues but found they got much worse after my son was born. Don't be afraid to reach out for help, it's more normal than you think to experience these feelings and with the right support whether it's meds/therapy or both it can get better. You have nothing to feel guilty or embarrassed about and you sound like a lovely mum x

I had soooo much help with my first from my mum because I was depressed and anxious too. I told myself I was weak too but now looking back I don’t think that at all. I don’t view myself as a weak person. I wish I could go back and tell myself to ignore the voice of negativity. It’s so normal to be at your wits end, need help, not be able to console your own child etc.

Thank you so much all. I have suffered with depression and anxiety for a good few years. I Just want my baby to know that I’m her number one to come to… it sounds silly. Does the anxiety get easier? X

Yes it does. When I had DS1 I became an anxious wreck, constantly worrying about his health and wellbeing.

I got to a good place where the anxiety subsided but I went and got pregnant again🙃. DS2 is nearly 1YO but my anxiety has come back x100 and it's crippling me tbh. But, as experience has taught me, it will pass.