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Is it weird to prefer solo parenting?

7 replies

Somethingtoclingto · 02/07/2022 18:20

My partner and I both work full time. Generally, one of us gets a full day of solo parenting a week and one day where it's both of us off work with our 20 month old DS.

I always look forward to our days together as a 3 but honestly find myself feeling very low and lost when they come around.

When it's me and DS we don't do much in the house other than eat meals together and he has his naps. The rest of the day we're out. I also have a pretty hands off approach to parenting where I try and let DS explore and only intervene when he is upset or in possible danger.

My partner is the complete opposite - always fussing or worrying. Today for example, I let DS play with a little packet of gravy while we were doing the food shop but partner just took it away straight away. DS takes 5 minutes of sitting up and wriggling to get down for his nap which I'll let him do while partner will go up multiple times to settle him.

I've tried to tell my partner to see if trying my way will work (as I know it does) but he thinks I'm too laid back.

We have a nice time together when DS is in bed but I'm so surprised at how hard I find parenting alongside him.

Has anyone else experienced this? I worry we're not setting a good example to our DS of what a happy relationship looks like.

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stairgates · 02/07/2022 18:53

Just to make sure I have it right, your son will have one day with you at home a week, one day with your partner a week and one day with the pair of you home, does he go to nursery for the other 4 days or have I got it muddled 🙂

Somethingtoclingto · 02/07/2022 18:59

@stairgates and 3 days at nursery and 1 day with grandparents 😊

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Juancornetto · 02/07/2022 19:01

I find solo parenting much easier too. DH sounds similar to your DP and my approach is like yours.

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mynameiscalypso · 02/07/2022 19:07

Exactly the same here. DH spends half the time confiscating whatever DS was playing with in case he makes a mess and the rest of the time trying to get him to play 'properly' with his toys. I literally couldn't give a shit and so long as DS isn't doing anything dangerous, just let him get on with it.

stairgates · 02/07/2022 19:15

Oh good thats what I thought😁
I know how you feel, me and dh has/had a slightly similar thing with the first children, he saw more of a danger in alot of things which would feel were creative play, and when occasionally he was proved right it was like the sky had fallen in!!😄It sounds like your son has a lovely variety in his week and I dont think he will pick up on any little differences, enjoy your relaxing days they sound lovely

Womeninthesequel · 02/07/2022 20:20

Conversely, no, I find solo parenting much harder, but I have two children under three and a DH who is an objectively phenomenal father. We're on the same page and when we're not we discuss respectfully. If you don't have that, I can imagine it makes life much harder.

Somethingtoclingto · 02/07/2022 22:40

Thanks everyone. Noone ever seems to mention this as an issue so I thought it must just be me!

DS has a bit of a cold at the moment and is a little bit restless tonight so just before I went upstairs, my partner told me to be as quiet as I can as he didn't want anything disturbing him. I can honestly say I feel more like my DS's mischievous older sister than his mother right now.

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