8 week old - does it get better?

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my baby boy is 8 weeks on Monday. I feel like the last 8 weeks has been the hardest of my life and I feel so guilty!!

he’s been such an unsettled baby, we’re going through the process of possible cmpa/reflux/tongue tie etc. but also wondered if some is normal behaviour for 8 weeks and it’ll get easier?

he wants held all the time… i mean all the time!! I can hardly get a pee before he’s screaming the house down. This includes at night, the only way i get any sleep is if he’s sleeping on me ( I’m aware of safe sleeping etc), won’t even sleep next to me co sleeping. Did anyone else have that and their babies grew out if it? He also hates a sling!!

hes just generally quite unsettled and grumpy. I’m just not enjoying it particularly and looking for some light at the end of the tunnel.

im aware there are different challenges at different ages but just want some perspective of this stage and if anyone else really disliked it or if I’m awful. Spend my whole day bouncing, singing, shhing to try keep him so just crying!!

I really hated it too. As soon as DH went back to work after four weeks, DD was up 11pm to at least 5am. I struggled to 'sleep when the baby sleeps' as I was overtired and I'm not a daytime napper anyway. I would have dreams that i'd fallen asleep holding her and crushed her, when in reality she was in the cot. I distinctly remember going almost two full days without sleep at one point. It was really awful and I had some terrible thoughts and really dark moments. You're not alone.

My DD did grow out of it. From 14 weeks or so she slept through the night. Had a few hiccups recently dealing with the heat and 8 month sleep regression (luckily the 4 month regression never materialised for us). I will say though that my experience is not necessarily the norm, and I know it can be upsetting for other struggling mums to hear of babies who sleep through the night.

Make sure you have a good support network around you. Don't be scared to ask for help if you need it. If you have a partner make sure he is doing his fair share to give you a break when you need it. It's always tough in the beginning but it will definitely get better

It gets way better. The newborn stage is tough at the best of times let alone with a particularly challenging newborn. My little boy screamed for weeks and weeks, only slept on me, at night was horrendously unsettled. I was hallucinating I was so tired. I remember things seemed a lot better at 12 weeks.

Sleep has been a tough one for us, he still doesn’t sleep super well at 2.3yo, and there are obviously different challenges now like meltdowns and pushing boundaries, but it’s just so (so so) more rewarding and lovely and he’s my little best friend. Hang on in there it gets better more quickly than you can imagine right now.

Yes, this will not be your life forever - it just feels that way!

12-14 weeks was a turning point for us. My baby was very unsettled and had silent reflux. She got a lot more content when she could sit unaided at 6 months.

Also, try not to feel guilty about not enjoying it. I really question this modern obsession with women 'enjoying' having a small baby. For some people it's just about survival and that's okay. The newborn stage was one of the most challenging (and traumatic) times of my life, but I have a lovely, funny, spirited 3 year old now and those early days are but a distant nightmare memory.

Hang in there 💐

It does get better OP, 8 weeks was actually the turning point for me. Hang in there x

I would have dreams that i'd fallen asleep holding her and crushed her, when in reality she was in the cot.

@restedbutexhausted I used to have the same dreams! Really awful!

It definitely gets better. I had the same nightmare. Ignore the gobshites that tell you to enjoy every moment - it's a horrendous time. X

Yep, there was a moment with both of mine at about 15 weeks and suddenly I felt I could breathe. I hated it up til then.
It does get easier- read up on the Fourth Trimester.

Keep going, it will get better. I remember this stage and feeling like I had the most unhappy baby in the world and felt so rubbish that I couldn't make her happy, me of all people and it hurt.
We eventually got omeprazole for her silent reflux and things started to improve.
Are you getting out and about for fresh air? Sometimes I felt it was easy being out and we both benefited from it. Also, consider baby being overstimulated - I thought I had to be all singing and dancing but it was too much for us both. Chill days are fine, just let baby be. It helped me reset us both.

It absolutely changes, sometimes for the better and sometimes slightly worse but it won’t always be like this.

I think it’s hardest with your first/only because you have nothing to measure it all against and it’s really hard to envisage a time when this won’t be your experience, but honestly it won’t be. You’ll find your babies development slows slightly so that you can pinpoint things that work, and keep working for a least a couple of weeks at a time.

Hang in there lovely, and if you need help make sure you ask clearly. People either don’t think or don’t want to presume. Nobody is surprised by a newborns mum asking for help, I’m sure you wouldn’t be if the situation was reversed.

Do make sure you’ve spoke with HV/GP in case there’s a physical cause for your babies lack of being able to settle.

It does get better but by god it's brutal.

What does DH work? If he does? 6pm he has baby until 12/1 you go to bed. Earphones in. Baby then comes to you at 1 when DH goes to bed. It was the only way we survived those early weeks

CMPA babies are tough. I think the best bet is to get him used to a sling. It always takes at least 3 mins of very bouncy walking at first to get them used to it, for each walk.

@shivawn isn't it awful! Or I'd have dreams that DH had done the same and start shouting at him glad that's over!

Absolutely gets better. I hated the newborn stage, it was so hard. It got better at 12 weeks (hang in there!) and then better again at 6 months and then just kept getting easier. The stages have their own challenges but for me, all better than newborn. You start feeling more like yourself again and they get a lot more fun. To the extent I’m willing to go back to newborn misery with a second child, because I know it’s not forever. Keep going, it’s tough, but it definitely gets better.

I could have written this! It will get better, you will find ways to cope. X

Sounds like my DS. We had a tongue tie snipped, quit dairy/soya and tried omeprazole. I’m certain to this day that there was nothing medically wrong with him. He was just a very alert, unsettled, extremely high needs newborn.

He’s a dream of a 2 year old now - very easy, happy, bright child. So yes, in my experience, nothing is as bad as the newborn stage. I have to say his whole first year was a bit of a shocker, but it did get progressively better (with bad phases) from 4 ish months. Then it got exponentially better from a year onwards and it’s been great ever since. Basically when he could walk and started being able to communicate. He hated being a baby.

Babies are bloody head work even if they’re calm, so lay off the guilt. DD2 was the easiest baby in the world (despite hating sleep but that’s just a feature of my childrens’ genetic make up) but I still only feel at nearly 11mo that we’re coming out of the woods now.

Focus on surviving one day at a time. One hour at a time if you need to. You’ll get into a rhythm and one day suddenly realise it isn’t so hard any more. And this is me speaking as a parent of a high needs baby: DD1 is a bright, active, stroppy threenager but an absolute breeze compared to how she was aged 0-11mo!

You have a newborn baby. Of course it gets better!

It will get better. You are right in the eye of the storm and it is brutal, but it will get better and you will look back on this time almost like it was a dream. Sending love to you, mama.

6-8 weeks is a total low point. Lowest of the low. The babies tend to be most unsettled then, and you’re at your most run down after 2 months of broken sleep. I usually found from 8-12 weeks that things gradually improved. By 3 months I felt semi-competent as a parent. By 5 months we found a nice groove and started sleep training. By 8 months it was all too easy and I was bored out of my mind so I went back to work. 😝

My DCs are 5, 3 and 1 now, and there’s really no comparison with those first few weeks. No matter how frantic and chaotic the days seem with three little monster-darlings, they’re reliably asleep (all of them!) from 8:30pm-6:30pm, usually even longer, and just knowing that makes the days possible and enjoyable. You don’t have that physical and mental break with an 8-week-old. It’s utterly relentless, and it’s awful, no matter how cute they are and how wonderful their newborn heads smell. But you’re almost through it! Hang in there!

*8:30pm-6:30am. My kids are good sleepers now, but not 22-hours-a-day good sleepers! 😂

My second DS was very similar to what you describe (although he did really like a sling) but he started to turn a corner from 8 weeks onwards. From when he was about 3 days old to when he was 8 weeks he was inconsolable for hours every evening but after eight weeks he gradually did it less and less. By four months old he’d stopped the evening crying completely and became a baby who very rarely cried! I really hope your little one does turn a corner soon as it is so tough when you’re in it. Hold on to the fact that it is very likely to get better!

It gets better it's so hard you will get through this sleep/rest where you can ask for any help you can get. Both of mine were like this it gets better after about 3/4 months when they can get their wind up easier. It's survival at the moment one day at a time you'll get there x

I remember weeks 6 - 10 being particularly miserable. I hated it and wondered WTAF I had done! It does get easier, promise! My LO is 5 months now and although I still have difficult days (fighting naps / sleep regressions etc), it’s much more enjoyable than trying to look after a screaming potato!

I’ve never been as low as when my baby was brand new. It is so, so hard and I didn’t enjoy any of it. 6-8 weeks was the worst. She has reflux from laryngomalacia and I also had a nightmare with breastfeeding so I was trying to pump constantly and then got mastitis…just grim. She’s 11 weeks now and it is still hard but it is nowhere near how it was back then. I didn’t believe people who said it would get better but it has.