Mental health/breastfeeding - did the thought of breastfeeding make other people anxious??

[Thetractorjustmoved]

I'm currently pregnant with my second. I had terrible PND after my first, just awful and I'm trying to plan ahead now to avoid some of the triggers I had back then.

I'm really torn about breastfeeding. I wanted to do it with DC1 but when it came to it, I was absolutely terrified about the idea of being his sole provider (and so I couldn't escape type thing.) Has anyone else felt this? Like, rather than a physical reason for not doing it, it was a mental one- the pressure just felt insane on top of everything else, and the fact that I wouldnt be getting any sleep at all. I feel like no one ever mentions that!

But I still feel sad that I wasn't able to feed him, and would like to try again with my second. But I know (again) that I couldn't cope with the pressure of being sole provider and not being able to get long stretches of sleep.

In NCT class, they basically seemed to say if you want to breastfeed, you need to do it exclusively for at least the first few months (which is why I quit straightway because I knew I couldn't do it). However, I know that some people manage to successfully combi feed from the start, which is ideally what id like to do. How do people manage this? What's the best way to combi feed from the start? Thanks for any tips. My mental health is my overriding priority so if breastfeeding doesn't work out, it's fine, but I just wanted to see if there was a way to make it work for me this time

Yes me! It never occurred to me beforehand, so I just gave breastfeeding ago and it went super smoothly. Milk came in quickly, DS was an efficient feeder, he was thriving.

But mentally it was horrible! The pressure of being solely responsible for feeding him was unbearable. I hadn't anticipated it at all. It wasn't just having to do all the nightfeeds, I was also petrified of being hospitalised or dying, I felt like I couldn't even afford to be sick.

I was also told no dummies, no mixed feedings for 6 weeks etc which I stuck to religiously and then ended up with a baby that never took a bottle in his life. Luckily he self weaned just when I was ready to stop, and it all worked out just fine in the end.

But I would say if you want to BF, definitely combi-feed to ease your worries. Plenty of people do this successfully and I'm sure they will be able to advise.

I can't help personally as I am currently exclusively breastfeeding baby number 2 too. I planned to combi feed didnt bother in the end as I was weirdly not anxious one bit about BF this time!

And yes, you are totally right to put your mental health first. Mine really suffered with my first baby because of this, and I was a shadow of myself for the first 6 months at least. I'm so sad I missed out on this precious time!

I exclusively BF and can agree with this post!

it is exhausting. You are responsible for every single feed, every night wake up, every day out, every single feed you need to be there.
it is really mentally challenging and at times you feel like you are solely responsible and that no one helps (obviously they can’t). It honestly felt quite isolating at times

it has it’s positives : you don’t have to clean bottles etc..

I am currently pregnant with #2 and will not exclusively BF this time. I am thinking about maybe combo feeding.

I totally understand the mental pressure, you are not alone!
With dc2 and 3 I introduced one bottle a day really early on (read somewhere if you did it before 3 weeks they wouldn't get nipple confusion and was certainly true in our experience). I gave it late afternoon when my milk supply was lower, and meant I had lots of milk for bedtime breast feed. I felt I was a better breastfeeder because I was doing it by choice - they took a bottle therefore I always had the option to stop, which mentally made it easier for me to carry on!

With my first I didn’t introduce a bottle until 6 week’s and then he never took one. I am currently breastfeeding DS2 who is 2 weeks old. I gave him a bottle on day 2 and now he has 2 bottles a day and breastfeeds the rest of the day. It has definitely made me feel more relaxed this time knowing I am not solely responsible and my DH can feed him.

I have a very distinct memory of waking up one morning when DD was a couple of months old, and having this feeling I absolute dread at the thought of having to provide nourishment for her during the day that was to follow. It's one of my clearest memories

My advice would be to just start BFing, but put no pressure on yourself to continue if it's negatively affecting you.

I didn't do exclusively (although felt guilty for not!). Baby had 5oz bottle formula at 6pm at about 3 weeks. That one bottle allowed me to stay a little sane and still breastfeeding after 6 months now

There’s a book called Mixed Up that’s about combi feeding that might be helpful?

I breastfed exclusively for 6 months and combi fed slowly from that point in prep for nursery. Wouldn't change it. To me, it was part of my job as their mummy.

Hi op, congratulations on your pregnancy!

I combi fed from the start. I did really have a plan on how I'd feed, I wanted to try bf and even expressed colostrum before he was born (in hospital as waters went 4 weeks early while he was breech, I had a c section) He took to bf very well but we gave formula top ups to help him and also to take the pressure off me a bit. I would absolutely recommend! We were a bit scatty at first but after a couple of weeks we had a routine where I'd bf in the day, then ds would have bottles (formula as expressing was not for me, I soon discovered!) in the evening wso I could rest. Then bf overnight as this was easier for us.

At about 4 months we stopped bothering with bottles as he clearly preferred the boob but it wasn't as intense by then anyway. I weaned him at 22 months and it was fine.

Sorry I meant to type we didn't have a feeding plan and that we also had bottles and formula ready for if bf didn't work!

Good for you. But the OP did not have the positive experience you did, and is asking for support and advice about her very real concerns.

I didn’t experience the anxiety you had. I found breastfeeding to be very relaxing and reassuring as my anxieties were about accidentally poisoning my baby- not sterilising bottles well enough, dodgy formula, contaminated water supply, formula allergy/intolerance, etc. All could happen, but my anxiety made me think it was definitely going to happen and my baby would get ill, maybe die and it would be all my fault (totally irrational but those were my thoughts at the time). But to me breastfeeding meant sterile, food at exact right temperature in unlimited supply that can be fed to the baby on demand, anywhere at anytime. DH and I split night wakings in that I’d feed and he’d do the inevitable nappy change and settle back to sleep. So I wasnt as exhausted as I could have been. It’s invaluable that no matter what you choose your partner 100% supports you in exactly the way you need.

So I can empathise as I had the other side of the coin, as in the thought of formula feeding made me super anxious! Since breastfeeding generates same kind of gut churning fears in you, I’m all for you not breastfeeding. Dont feel like you have to even try..society pushes breast is best and so don’t be guilted into thinking you have to combi feed or try breast feeding at all if you are so anxious.

Logically formula and breastmilk are both perfectly fine for babies and your mental health needs to be a priority in all this. If deciding to go with formula makes you feel relief and a weight lifted…then go for that.

Thanks for all this really useful advice, really appreciate it. Just knowing I can plan to take that pressure off makes a big difference, and it sounds as if a lot of you managed to successfully combi feed.

As pointed out, breastfeeding full stop isn't worth messing up my mental health for, but i feel better knowing at leas that I can give it a go. Thanks all!

I didn't have anxiety, but I was anxious IYKWIM. My advice would be to try it and drop it when it doesn't work for you. Be that the 2nd feed or after 2 weeks/months/years.

Take the pressure off @Thetractorjustmoved and congratulations on your pregnancy.💞

It wasnt the responsibility that put me off, the idea of breastfeeding just gave me the ick. I'd heard awful stories about how painful it was and how it would lead to sore cracked nipples. So I decided early on in my pregnancy that I was going to formula feed. For whatever reason, the day after my son was born I just decided to try putting him up to my breast, he latched on immediately, it wasn't painful in the slightest and it just felt like the most natural thing in the world. I breastfed for almost 7 months.

He went to neonatal straight after the birth and he was formula fed there for the first day and a half of his life. So he was used to bottles from the start and we continued giving him a few bottles a week, it never caused any problems with my supply or interferred with breastfeeding at all. He was happy to take either one and when it came to switching to formula fulltime he didn't care at all. If I have another baby I'll breastfeed and introduce a bottle from the very beginning again.