ADHD? in 3yo

[APrickleOfHedgehogs]

Hello, does anyone have any experience of ? adhd/ asd in 3yo? My youngest dd is always moving and doesn't seem to stay still. At home she jumps off the coffee table, climbs the bookcase and does roly polys on the sofa. She knocks over/ kicks her siblings duplo/ marble run, jumps on people and licks them and runs laps of the garden. She tears up any paper she finds and puts small toys in her mouth. She's great with imagination play and loves cuddly and soft toys. At the dinner table she eats a little of limited plain foods and prefers to pour her water out. At the shops she runs off and then when I gather her up and go and pay she pulls faces at shopkeepers instead of talking. At nursery she plays well with other children and joins in with activities but doesn't speak at all to the teachers. Her teacher says she runs off but then does come back. At the playground and soft play she is strong, fearless, loves pushing herself and absolutely has to be in a fenced place with a gate or she will try and run out into the road. She's sweet, funny and loving and at home her speech is great. I'm absolutely shattered, does anyone have any experience of dc like this or advice please?

If she is choosing not to speak to staff then she needs a referral to SaLT. I would also speak to your HV and not automatically think ADHD but ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician.

Thanks Flop, do you know is it the HV who can refer? Dd had a 2 year check on the phone during Covid and I haven't spoken to a HV since then. The nursery staff have pointed out that dd doesn't speak to staff at all but they haven't referred us to anyone.

In our area and in most you can self refer to SaLT and so can your nursery, they should have really suggested it. DD2 won’t talk at nursery, I will photo the list of suggestions from SaLT after bathtime.

Thank you, that will be great

My son is similar. He is highly physical and I find it easier to be out of the house with him. Going for a walk or at a park or soft play. Fresh air definitely helps. He will talk to adults and children but only when he is comfortable with them otherwise they get a funny side eye look. I had wondered about ADHD myself but to be honest he just seems to have an active personality that requires a bit of outlet and direction. He's 2.5. He would run off if he saw it as a joke like if I need him to put his shoes on he'll run off laughing. But he wouldn't run into the road (I would hope) as he knows about cars being dangerous and is very wary of moving cars as I have scared him a bit when we have been near them by talking sternly which he would have found unusual and intense. He will often do things like pour things on the floor or through bits of paper. Put things in his mouth he knows he shouldn't. All of these type of things are to get a reaction or more specifically a connection. Sometimes it's sensory related so I will try to suggest an appropriate alternative.
It's difficult to say what is typical toddler behaviour and what is not.
What coping/managing techniques have you tried for challenging behaviour?

We're outside a lot and she gets lots of exercise and fresh air which definitely helps. She's strong and climbs and runs well. Dd enjoys water play and spending time in nature. She is really affectionate and we have lots of cuddles and she knows she's loved and valued. We have always set calm, firm boundaries and explained things when appropriate and used natural consequences. Eg she knows cars are dangerous and that we always need to be able to see her to look after her and those expectations are set before a trip but will slip a hand in a carpark given a chance and dash fast away from us in a moment. Afterwards, when told off she will say sorry and that she won't run off and that she doesn't want a car to squish her. If taken straight home she will be upset but it's not always possible eg on the school run. So we use reins anywhere near any potential dangers and hold hands as well when crossing a road. I have been holding hope that we would get there with time and patient, persistent parenting but she is 3.5 now. I don't know anyone else whose child of this age will wander out of sight/ run off at any brief window of opportunity and not mind not being able to see a parent.

Here you go

Really helpful, thank you for posting the speech and language therapy advice.

The description of your daughter is pretty much exactly how I would have described my son.

He would always be on the move, doing laps of the living room and the garden, he always had to be running and he used to constantly climb on everything. If there was a chair, a table or a person nearby he had to climb on it. He also had no sense of danger or fear and he was draining! He also really loves cuddly toys.

He is a really picky eater, there are very limited things he will eat and trying to get him to try new foods would often lead to a mini melt down.

He also went through a phase of licking things and putting toys in his mouth.

Me and my husband were convinced that something just wasn’t ‘right’ but just couldn’t put our finger on it.

I spoke to his childminder endless times and she said she thought he was fine. She’s done extra training in Autism and all manner of conditions on the spectrum and she just kept reassuring us that she had no concerns about our son at all.

The good news is that he’s almost five now and most of the above behaviours have really calmed down or disappeared. The only residual behaviours are that he still has to climb on things (people included) and he still had periods of being really excitable. He can’t leave anything alone, he has to touch and play with most things he sees but I think he’s just creative and inquisitive.

I take comfort from the fact that his childminder isn’t concerned at all.

He starts school this September so I’m looking forward to seeing what his teacher makes of him and his excitability.

Its only over the last 6 months that I’ve started to see his quirky behaviours settle so try not to worry too much OP. Easier said than done though, I’ve been where you are.

Thanks Perplexed it's reassuring to hear that your about your DS and that he's doing so well at nearly 5. Fingers crossed that my DD will settle down as well.

My almost 3yo has ADHD and is autistic. I know as I'm the same and in many ways she's a mini-me. My daughter:

Finds danger exciting
Needs a lot of stimulation
Loves imaginative play, esp if it revolves around caring for others
Socialises on her own terms
Has a face like thunder if a polite quiet girl tries to interact but absolutely loves a rouge
Is very sensitive to rejection
Incredibly sensitive to noise

It's too early to start looking at ADHD medication for her yet. I wouldn't get my daughter formally assessed as autistic as once it's on your medical file it can limit your life without giving any benefits. For example, our minority status means autistic individuals are placed as subordinates in society and instead of our differences being accepted the assessment process leaves us with a report explaining why our way of being is deemed to be wrong and impaired.

An official diagnosis can also make it tricky to obtain certain jobs even though there will have been many autistic individuals who have successfully worked in those roles previously.

To be honest, this sounds very, very normal. Toddlers are hard work!

@GWS thank you, I find the 'drawn to danger' aspect the hardest to manage as a parent. Do you find it easier to parent your dd with her sharing some behaviours with you? I would love to understand my dd better, she approaches the world in a completely different way to me.

Thanks @MolliciousIntent was your dc behaving like this at 3.5 too? My eldest was generally chilled, sensible and chatty with everyone by this age so I feel like I'm in uncharted territory with my youngest dc and behaviour expectations.

My daughter isn't 3 just yet, but she's a total live wire and always on the go, yes.

@MolliciousIntent ah ok yes 2 is a full on age.

A lot of similarities to my asd ds. We saw hv when he was about 20m who agreed possible autism. He was referred to salt as had delayed speech. And hv referred to paediatrician. A few months later we saw paed and he was put on pathway. 14m later he had an asd assessment. It was definitely worth getting diagnosis as he needs support in school with concentration/understanding what's expected of him as well as emotional regulation and social development. He's 7 in mainstream and absolutely thriving.