I am so fed up with feeling like a failure by 8.30am

[purpleturtle]

Not sure there are any answers, but need to offload...

Dd will be 7 in April. We moved last summer so she has been in a new school since the start of Y2. All seemed well initially. However, it has gradually become more and more difficult to get her out of bed and dressed in the mornings. Last week she lay in bed shouting the odds for over an hour, finally getting up at 8.30! It's just as well school's only just round the corner.

There's always something. And if I can fix the problem there's always another hard on its heels. So, this morning, the problem was that I make her wear a tie she has to tie herself, which she is very capable of, but apparently "totally forgets" when she's at school. I think the teachers tell her that as an infant she should have an elasticated tie. In the end this morning I have swapped her tie with her younger brother's (he'll have to get the teacher to tie his after PE). Straight away, the problem is that her tights are too big. Aaaaah!!!

I have really shouted this morning. Really shouted. Ds1 was hiding from the noise. Ds2 is about 18 months and at that 'I don't want to be dressed' stage, which is less stressful to me, as that's what they do at that age, but it does mean I really don't have time to mess about with dd.

I am not feeling proud of myself. Feel stuck in a vicious circle, where we're arguing all the time.

Oh purpleturtle.

A few things come to mind:

Is she tired, earlier bedtime possibly?

Non-obvious problems at school might make her reluctant to start each day? I am thinking of making new friends/getting to know the new school toilets.

Also what if you were to give her more responsibilty for herself, and encourage her to get up/breakfast/dress independently.

HTH

I dont have any answers for you Our house can be like this as well espeially as my ds1 just really doesnt like school

We have recently moved so he started a new one in January but at thye previous shool it was delaying tatics problem after problem al the way

Once i sorted one he would go on to the other or his favorite one was needng the toilet just as we were walking out of the door

Bedtime is a whole new battleground. She says she can't sleep because she misses one particular friend from the old school. It does seem that she only thinks of her at bedtime. So she is perpetually tired, because she won't go to sleep.

I am as hands off as I can be about getting up. We wake her at 7.30am and get on with getting the boys ready and breakfasted. I call every few minutes to remind her that she needs to be getting up. I go in to her room and remove the duvet. She does get a fair amount of negative attention. In the end she does usually dress herself.

I think friendships are the issue. She has moved from a large school to a small one. There are far fewer potential friends to make, and they're nearly all in established friendships. I know it is hard for her. I know she feels unhappy sometimes. I feel like doing nice things with/for her is just rewarding really bad behaviour. I don't want to allow her to become a brat. It's just so hard to know if I'm being too hard on her or not, because no one else sees it. With other people she's lovely.

Could you encourage her to invite a couple of the girls over to play on the weekend?

I know it is extra work, but it may pay off if she can have some friends over for the afternoon...?

I would echo what Rantmum has said....can you get her to have some friends over? My dd is a bit like yours - something is always wrong....if I do her hair its not right, if I give her pants to wear they are too small.....it really tests my patience - especially in the morning when we are trying to get everybody ready! Now if ther is a problem I ask her how she thinks it could be fixed? ie, by putting the problem back on her!? Usually she will say something like "get bigger pants" etc and so I say "yes that will probably help, well you know where they are so go and get them!" When she does and then does not moan I praise her for sorting the problem!

Dont know if you could try this but I was a bit like you and felt really bad about giving her negative attention....its so draining.....

My main issue with inviting friends round is my own confidence in dealing with other people's children. I know I need to get over that.

The other difficulty is that both dd and ds1 are so tired after school that I'm worried inviting someone else in would be counter-productive! We had a friend back last week, and ds1 went into meltdown because the 2 girls wouldn't play what he wanted. This week dd went to a friend's, whose brother came to play with ds1. The girls had a lovely time, ds1 was horrible.

We seem to be going into birthday party season. Dd has one this weekend and one next, so perhaps that will help. Ds1 has a party here on Saturday, and again, I can only hope that might be helpful.