Daughter is slow

[GlassHalfFull10]

I'm not sure where to post this but hoping for some advice. DD1 8 and in year 3. She's a lovely girl, quite bright and social... all the things you'd wish for. But oh my god is she SLOW. Everything takes forever, breakfast can take 40 mins on a school morning (and that's with cajoling), she has to be asked multiple times to get dressed, clean teeth etc. We ask her to get going and she's wandering about not doing it when we check on her. We get to the front door and her stuff is everywhere, nothing packed in school bag having asked her to put it in more than once.

It's really hard not to get really cross (especially in the mornings or when trying to go somewhere), I tell myself she can't help it but it's really honestly frustrating.

Is there anything I can do to help her, should I just hope it passes? Telling her off or getting cross does nothing tbh. The truth is that something has to be done about it as it's not sustainable for me to tell her 500 times to hurry up in one day. I literally have a headache before the day starts.

For contrast DS2 is 6 and is fed, dressed, teeth cleaned and downstairs before she's finished breakfast.

Some children come to organization later in life and some have a reason (e.g. diagnosis) why they are slower. One of mine was terrible her first year of secondary, just couldn't get it together, even with bag done the night before and I felt we would never crack it. She was just really tired in the mornings and couldn't pay attention to tasks. By the second year she was up and getting herself ready. No idea why it suddenly all fell into place but it did. It could be something diagnosable or some children just seem to need more facilitation in the pre-teen/early teen years to get organized, she now organizes herself pretty well for everything, work, gym, school so I'm not worried!

Does she have any other difficulties or behaviours? Ds is dyspraxic and following instructions, remembering what needs doing and how, speed to do so were all issues as well as slow processing and motor skill difficulties at school.

I wouldn't leave her to organize herself the night before, aged 8 though, I'd do it together, and at one point she'll get the hang of it herself (or she won't and may need a lot of structure to get her to where she needs to be). Changing the routine so it's all prepared though is the way forward, then if she wears the wrong clothes, doesn't do teeth or has no breakfast (pack a snack for break) then it's kind of on her, once the main things have been done like correct bag.

This is so unbelievably helpful! Thank you so much to you all... it's hugely reassuring that we are not alone in this too and that others have come through the other side. I was worried that many people would say 'she's just a child' as my MIL says... but I'm glad you understand the frustration with it.

We will try some of these tips in the coming days and see how we get on. I like the idea of the visual one and the timings per morning too.

As some of you said, there's a fine line between doing it for them and making sure they learn for themselves...

My two were like this. For the past few weeks, we have timed them getting ready and it has completely stopped the cajoling for getting ready (breakfast, teeth, getting dressed, making beds & putting pyjamas away). I still do bags as I have to sign a couple of books each day anyway. They have loved being timed and are v enthusiastic about it. Mine are 7 and 8.

I'm wondering about dyspraxia now... she's a good swimmer but definitely not sporty!

Have a look at the Dyspraxia Foundation website , they list tasks by age group.

I would pack her bag the night before and place it by the door with her shoes and coat. You get up early and get ready before getting her up, as soon as she’s up you dress her then sit down and have breakfast together.

Try this for a week and see if it eliminates the stress.

Ive raised dyspraxia with my daughters school. She is very slow and always makes us late no matter how much help. School have done nothing but agreed shes always the last dressed/following instructions. What were your concerns to get the diagnosis please?

You have my sympathies op

Dd2 is ridiculously slow and distracted sometimes. I hide remotes I unplug alexa, anything I can think of to remove the distractions while she is getting dressed.

She can do it if she wants to. It's hard not to take it personally sometimes when she closes to not carry on getting dressed and to sit In her underwear with one sock on trying to get a nerf bullet out from under the sofa or looking at her among us drawing she has in her bag.

She hates being told what she's got to do because she apparently already knows.

But then if you don't constantly poke her you will come down to unbrushed hair, no shoes on and a lunchbox that's not even been packed.

I always factor in the tine to deal with this so we aren't late as I hate being late and it's rude to whoever you are meeting to be late so I don't allow that to happen. But she will fill what any extra time she has so there's no point in getting her up ant earlier.

I'm hoping a couple if detentions at high school in September and refusal to bail her out and take her to school if she fucks about will be the kick up the arse she needs

Another one throwing it out there that my ASD 9YO is like this.

So is my DH who I'm convinced has undiagnosed ADHD. I've lost count of the amount of times doors haven't been locked, car keys have been left in car doors etc.

My advice is do as much as you physically can the night before. So make lunches beforehand etc. Get up earlier and allow more time than you think they need Also get your kids dressed first. So at least if they dither about for ages you can drag them out the house and let them trough a piece of toast down on the walk to school.

I let my kids have their Nintendos in the morning once they're ready. It's amazing how quickly they go when they have an incentive. Being late for school is not something they're arsed about but god forbid they miss out on 20 minutes of minecraft!

Bag packed the night before uniform laid out, apart from one thing still in drawers for her to fetch. Then build up slowly. So she sorts her own socks for the first month. Then socks and shirt etc. Bring everything right back down and build up slowly. Time management is a skill that takes time to learn.

I am not a morning person so I really struggle myself in the morning.

All bags are sorted the night before, all clothes are organised the night before, kids bathed at night which makes life a lot easier! Breakfast is fruit and yoghurt in the car for the kids, i eat at work. This means the morning is only getting dressed which reduces my stress a huge amount.

I would get her assessed for ADD.

With DD2 you have to allow her to take her own time and give her one thing to do at a time.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/symptoms/

Inattentiveness (difficulty concentrating and focusing)

The main signs of inattentiveness are:

• having a short attention span and being easily distracted
• making careless mistakes – for example, in schoolwork
• appearing forgetful or losing things
• being unable to stick to tasks that are tedious or time-consuming
• appearing to be unable to listen to or carry out instructions
• constantly changing activity or task
• having difficulty organising tasks

I have timers that go off during the morning as reminders of where we are meant to be (eg one for older dc who has a bus to catch) and allows me to not be the one nagging. The clock tells them where they are meant to be. It has a few mins wiggle room too.

Would love oat muffin recipe

Get everything ready the night before.
No TV or screens in the morning
Get up 15 minutes earlier
Expect this to happen so you don't get wound up.
Some kids take longer to learn these skills. If she's dyspraxic or just absent minded, she's not doing it to annoy you.
My dsd and DD to a lesser extent were like this at primary school. Got better as they got older.

Tips that have helped us as a family

-Melatonin (but we only were able to get this on diagnosis, she sleeps really well now)

• Sunrise alarm clocks for the whole family (I also hugely struggle with mornings)
• Less expectations (if hair isn't brushed, I let it go)
• Less verbal instructions, more talking through i.e 'and now I'm going to have a cup of tea and then we'll go' (my dd is 13 so you may want to adapt)
• Sunday we go through everything that is occurring that week for the whole family, and write down the weather, dinners plus a 'to do' list. Hugely helps me, plus all the children understand the pressures of week.

-Mindful chef

• As others have said packing bags and clothes ready night before. For whole family.
• Fly lady morning, evening and 2 min hot spot methods have helped me feel more on top of cleaning as this was getting me down.

Things that have not helped us; camhs, cbt, getting a dog (although we love her), pushing dd to rush.

I will definitely look at some of these conditions as some of the points hit the spot.
I agree with PP that she's not doing it on purpose and that there's no point asking her to hurry or rush as it's a waste of breath.
Thank you for all of the helpful tips...
Shame about the dog @PutYourBackIntoit . I saw a litter of puppies this morning and I can honestly say I was broody (is that a thing?) :-) I can see one wouldn't help this particular issue!