Toddler who doesn't want to grow up

[GeckoPerson]

So my little girl is now 3 years and 4 months, and we're struggling with potty training. She has no interest at all, though she has both weed and pooped on it. After she pooped, I told her how proud I was of her, and what a big girl she was. She told me she was a baby, not a big girl. And since then, which was weeks ago, she has sat on it about twice and not produced anything. She also refuses to try sitting on the toilet - we have toddler toilet seats, but if we try and put her on, she starts screaming and fighting.

She calls herself 'Baby' rather than her name, though that is my fault for calling her that. She quite often says she is a tiny baby. I am due a baby in December, which she knows, but she's been refusing to potty train for longer than I've been pregnant. My husband is getting annoyed with her and thinks it's beyond time she should be using the toilet. I don't know what to do, i can't strap her to the potty. She also seems to be a bit delayed generally - she was in the black or grey for every area at her 3 yr assessment, and the health visitor is coming back soon to reassess her.

Anyone have any advice? I bought a sticker chart but she has zero interest in it. She likes the books and cartoons about the potty, but doesn't seem to see any link to her.

A 3 year old is past being a toddler.

For the baby thing. I would tell her she is a big girl now but she will always be your baby in the same way you are Grandma’s baby. There is a lovely book called ‘You were my first’. Read it together and keep adding and talking about other first eg food, park, swimming, getting self dressed and using the potty.

I’ve heard other parents saying late potty training is difficult because they are stubborn. There is a chapter in the oh crap book about it. It maybe worth reading.

It's summer so I'd be tempted to go cold turkey next weekend no nappies at all. Knickers if she'll wear them, if not, commando. See what happens. Obviously nappy or pull-up for bedtime. It will take a few days to really get the hang of it, so you will need to persevere.

You are pregnant and can’t see the connection between that and your 3 year old wanting to be your baby still ? She is just wanting reassurance (and you don’t need to feel bad OP because it is perfectly normal).

Don’t worry about milestones and what other kids are doing etc, just parent the child you have - and make it as relaxed as you can, stopping and starting new skills such as potty training can be very confusing so I think you need to leave it until after baby is here, (unless she begins to show interest in the meantime) children can only do things in their own time, and it’s perfectly ok for you to accept that and just enjoy her being a 3 year old.

Maybe be sure to keep reminding her what babies can't have. No TV. No sweets. No cake. No running in the park or swings. Make being a big dsis /girl seem appealing..

Agree with @SilverCatStripes

Back off and stop pressuring her, she sounds scared/worried.

Aww I don't blame her, growing up is tough. Especially when there is a new baby on the way and she might be feeling pressure to be the big, responsible girl. She will want to be tiny more than ever because she probably understands by now that being a baby means getting lots of lovely attention. Also, she is still little!

She will definitely get there with the potty training. Don't push it if she's flat out refusing, I would take a week or so away from it and reset. Don't mention it, just take the pressure off and really focus on giving her lots of attention. Giving her all the validation - calling her your baby and your little girl etc. Then just come back to it a week or so after and see how she feels. Approach it in a playful way... maybe start with some fun books about potty training and then have another try.

Don't put pressure on yourself either, I promise you she will get there.

YYY to everything @SilverCatStripes said.

Try bribing her with a sweet each time she sits on the toilet (I would get rid of the potty as it just means retraining her to use the toilet proper). Dont focus on any end result of a visit there. Avoid pressure to pee or poop. High fives and hugs should accompany the sweet. You can gradually drop the sweet after she really gets the hang of it, and keep the hugs and high fives.

A sweet is an immediate, tangible advantage to being a big girl. Remind her that the baby won't be able to have a sweet until he or she is as big as DD is and that he or she won't be able to learn about wearing dry undies for three years.

When she does start using the toilet, make sure you phone your People Who Care list, who have been primed to tell her how thrilled and proud they are of their precious [name]. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, older cousins, friendly neighbour are the people on the list.

There's a book by Nathan Azrin and ? Fox called Toilet Training in Less Than a Day (or maybe it's a week) which offers a very clear method of training. It is an intensive method requiring you set aside time to devote almost exclusively to establishing the hew habit. It asks that you take away the nappies for good once you get stuck in, after a period of preparation and priming the child.