Potty Etiquette!

[Bigfatmomma]

Yesterday, I took DS (2.5 and mainly dry in the day) to McDonalds as a treat. This particular outlet is in a shopping centre and has no toilets - you have to leave the "restaurant" and go across the mall to the public loos. Partway through our dinner, DS of course announces that he needs a wee.

I grab my constant companion the potty from the rucksack, at which point a member of staff miraculously appears (there wasn't one in sight when the ketchup ran out) and tells me I can't do that - "this is a restaurant" - and will have to go out to the public toilets. I pointed out that we still had food and asked what I was supposed to do with our stuff and also mentioned that 2yr olds don't really have time for these kind of discussions... In the end, she watched our belongings and food while I made a mad dash with DS to not-very-clean public loos - he made it, bless him .

The manager came to talk to me when we got back, but he wouldn't answer my question "What am I supposed to do in that situation if there's no staff member in a position to help me?".

I know that using a potty where people eat isn't ideal, and obviously you have to make sure that you have appropriate means of disposal, disinfectant wipes, etc, and you don't allow boys to stand up, with the risk of splashing... But if you apply a bit of common sense and discretion, is it the end of the world? Would they prefer a toddler to wet/poo him/herself in their restaurant?

Was I out of order? What would anyone else do in that situation? Am interested to hear what you think.

My immediate reaction is - why don't they have toilets in the restaurant? It doesn't matter that there are some just opposite - obviously you don't want to leave the restaurant to go to the loo. Don't know what I would have done though - we haven't got to the potty training stage yet. Maybe demand to use the staff loos?

Hmmm.....much as I'd love my ds to be as good as yours re potty training (he's three and never ever tells me he needs a wee or poo)...I still think it is inappropriate to have your child wee or poo in the middle of a restaurant (even McD's!) and I can understand the manager's POV. But it is also tricky for you, of course. Glad your ds made it to the loos on time - he sounds very good and very cooperative.

DS is 3 and holds onto his wee until literally he is bursting to go so we fequently have these kind of 'desperate' situations but I think perhaps going on a potty in the middle of McDs is probably percieved to be a bit unhygenic (althouh appreciate what you're saying abotu applying some common sense etc). As for '"would they prefer them to wet/poo himself in the restaurant" I'm not sure it's their problem IFYKWIM.

I have to say I'm astounded that you would even dream of getting the potty out in McDonalds or any other food establishment. What if he had decided to do a poo as well?

sorry bigfatmomma, I wouldn't have had my dd do anything in a potty in McDonalds! Not sure what I'd do - she's a bit older now so she can 'wait' for a few minutes if she has to, so no constructive advice.....! at least there was someone to look after the food for you.....

Have to say that I'm not too keen on the idea of getting a potty out in the middle of a restaurant.

Out of interest what would you have done in a shop?

As a mum of a 3 yr old I'm very familiar with these 'dash' situations, and find doing a pre-emptive strike i.e. going to the loo before going in to McD's to eat works best for us.

I'm afraid I also think that whipping out a potty in the middle of a restaurant isn't the best thing to do. And there are probably health and safety laws which mean that the company could be in trouble if they had allowed you to do it. My initial response is that at that stage of toilet training, I wouldn't have taken dd into a restaurant without taking her to the toilet beforehand just in case, and I would probably not have chosen to eat somewhere without a toilet.

Message withdrawn

Thank you for your responses - I'm clearly in the minority! Your views and comments have given me food for thought and I have some questions for the more experienced potty trainers! I'm worried it sounds a bit facetious: it's really not meant to .

Of course I try to make DS use the potty/toilet before going out, but he gets very stressed about sitting on either when he doesn't feel he needs to go. I've tried playing, reading, cuddling, rewarding, all to no avail. Any tips on how to persuade him to "have a go" even when he doesn't think he needs to?

DS can go for long periods without weeing (I wouldn't have taken him out to eat otherwise). However, he does tend to hang on until the last min until telling us he needs to go, so when he says he needs a wee it's all systems go! How can I judge when he's capable of holding on? Do I just have to use trial and error? I don't like the idea of telling him to wait and I know from bitter experience that the puddle on the floor/furniture when he wets himself is far less hygienic than a wee in a potty! However, I don't think it reasonable to expect us to be housebound until I'm 100% sure he can hang on for the 5mins it could take to reach a toilet in the shopping centre. Any hints?

In December we're driving from London to Devon for a weekend and I'm not really sure how to handle this in terms of DS and potty training. Do you think it best to just put him in pants, stick a towel or something under him and hope for the best? Would it send out the wrong message to put him in a pull-up for the journey? (He still uses them at night). Obviously, it's mainly motorway with limited opportunities to stop. Opinions would be welcome.

Thanks again for your opinions. Tbh, I've always thought it ok to whip out the potty pretty much anywhere - much preferable to puddle on floor/chair - but I hadn't realised how many people would find this unacceptable. Saw a little girl going on the pavement in a pedestrianised area while we were out yesterday and didn't think that was very nice, but I guess when you've got to go, you've got to go! This is such a minefield!!!

And I won't even start on the poo problem....

Thanks again.

FWIW, for car journeys, I've found that Pampers Change mats on the car seat have proved invaluable. They've stopped 3 wee accidents at different times. Having said that, you can't reuse and you have to bin them after each accident! Still, anything to save the car seat

Agree with mumbojumbo re the pampers mats. And would take plenty of spare easily accessable clothes for the car journey and just go for it - problem might be if he falls asleep on the journey. But at least if he has an accident on a mat you're in your own space (albeit only the car) and can get to the next services and sort him out easily. Also assume your DP will be with you which should also make things easier - eg he can stay with the food while you dash to the loo etc. And good luck - it will get easier.

When I first began to take dd out I was so paranoid about her needing a wee and being too far away from a toilet, and I would ask her every ten minutes or so (or every time we went past a loo) if she needed one. Usually she said no, but if she had got to the "holding on" stage she would say yes and go. It only took a very short time for me to be confident that she could go for up to two hours between wees, and at that stage I would take her (not ask her, just take her) every two hours. If she complained that she didn't need to go, I would have a wee first, which almost always set her off too. As I said before, I wouldn't take her anywhere without a loo (restaurant, train, bus etc) without insisting on her trying to have a wee first. I didn't have the problem that your son has with refusing to try unless he really thinks he needs to go, because we have always taught her that part of the preparation for going out is trying to have a wee first - it's not something that was ever negotiable; it's like putting on her coat and shoes - if we are going out/going on the train/going for some food then this is what we do. Dh and myself included.

With the travelling to Devon, I personally wouldn't put him in a pull up, and to be honest if he's used to pants he probably won't let you. We bought a washable waterproof padded cover (the gorgeously named piddle pad) to put on dd's car seat in case she had an accident, and then planned on taking frequent breaks, during which time dd could stretch her legs and be taken to try for a wee. We carried a spare sets of clothing, potty, tissues and bottle of water in the boot, so that if we needed to stop unexpectedly, we could pull off the motorway at a junction for her to wee at the roadside.

I've never used one of those portapotties, as mine were happy to run for the loos, but think it is silly of Mc D's not to have at least a kiddie only/disabled/changing area type toilet facility. In your McD's circumstances think I would use the bribery of the meal treat for getting him to go beforehand, at the shopping centre, thus minimising the chances of him needing to go again. Then tried to sit close to the exit so that you could at least pop outside the eating area to do the business if need be.

tbh it was a really short time between ds starting to train and him being able to hang on, depsite also tending to leave it late. We did a trip from Surrey to Nottingham without him having any problem or wanting to stop. Agree witht he advice to use a care mat , epseiclaly f he is likely to nap en route. Friends used to put their ds in a nappy but had trouble breaking the habit. Have you tried insisting he hang on as you really won't know unless you try iyswim. Sometimes you just have to take a big breath and hope, he may surprise you ! I do sympathise with you as dd will rarely go before going out but there have actually been very few occasions when it has caused a problem.

I thought it was illegal for an eating establishment not to have loos??

Agree with the others re care mats and getting him to go at regular intervals.

Just a thought BFM - if he is used to you always having a potty to hand when he needs it, perhaps this is unintenionally encouraging him to wait until the last second before going as he's confident that you can cope?

I'm not trying to be critical, it's just with ds1 I had a potty in the living room, so it was always close to hand and it took me ages to break the habit - most unpleasant when ds1 decided to do a big stinky poo in front of guests .

Having learnt my lesson with ds1, I was tougher on ds2 and always made him go to the toilet to perform. He does tend to wait until the last minute and will often refuse to go when the rest of the family stop at the toilets in the shopping centre, but I always carry spare clothes with me and haven't had to use them very often.

Top tip to get him to go at home - run the tap - the trickling noise sets them off - sometimes - as does having a wee first in front of them as WWB mentioned

re - any tips on how to persuade him to "have a go" even when he doesn't think he needs to?

I care for a 3 year old who always insists he doesnt need to go before we go out - but often had to go as soon as we arrived at our destination.

Before we go out, I now suggest he goes to see if there is a "surprise wee". There usually is !

Thanks for all the tips . Am now resolved to remove the potty from the living room and not carry it when we're out and about in places where we can get to toilets. Am also going to work harder at encouraging DS to use the loo at convenient times (eg before going out, when we pass one and he hasn't been for a while). Even if he continues to refuse, it should plant the idea in his head, iuswim.

Am looking forward to being liberated from the potty - it's been a pain carrying a big bag around when we'd got used to travelling (comparatively) light! Thanks again .

I always insist dd uses the toilet and washes her hands before eating. I just insist on it. She HAS to wash her hands, and IMO sayig that she HAS to use the toilet is no different. Sometimes she is stubborn about it so I'll tell her off and say it's what we have to do.

(I'll pay for therapy when she's older....)

my dad always says "never miss an opportunity" and goes to the loo every time he passes one. Very annoying but maybe a good habit for a potty training child to get into?

Bigfatmomma
I sympathise with your shopping problem. My son always needed frequent wee's (he still goes more often than most kids). Even if he went before we left home, he would need a wee not long after. All I can say is that I found most shops very helpful and understanding when I asked if he could use their staff loo (and any that were not helpful, lost a good customer).
You mention that your son still wears pull ups at night time. Would it be possible to time your journey so you could tell him "its nearly bedtime, put your pull up's & pj's on before we go". Even if its still mid afternoon, it will be dark before you get very far - he won't know the difference.
I know a lot of people will disagree with this, but it's a very long journey, the traffic could be very heavy and the weather could be bad. It's pretty stressful sitting in a traffic jam, miles from a motorway junction with a toddler telling you they need to go NOW ! (I know from experience). It will not be comfortable for any of you if he has a couple of accidents on the way. Plus you would need to start washing stuff as soon as you arrive.

I hope I have not put you off travelling altogether and that you have a good time.