4year old, use redirection or let them tantrum out?

[kekec]

Hi,

Situation. My 4 year old want's something (Frozen microphone). And cries and yells to get it.

Should I let her cry/tantrum it up, so she realizes she can't get everything.
Or redirect attention to break the crying.

I think at 4 they need to be able to start to manage their own tantrums, so I would disengage, make sure they were in a space where they can’t hurt themselves and let them crack on. Say you’ll be happy to give them a cuddle when they’re ready.

Redirecting but not giving in also conveys the message that this isn't the way to get what you want (and reduces the risk that you might end up giving in under pressure). Sympathising and naming the emotion can help too (I see you really, really want that and you're very cross we're not going to get it. Now, shall we go and... [redirection])

Is this in public, or at home?

If in public and wanting it in a shop, I'd give one sympathetic warning (I can see that you're very frustrated, it's hard when you can't have something you really want, but it's not OK to scream and shout like this so you need to stop, or we'll have to leave) and then I'd leave.

At home, is there a reason why she can't have it? Or is it that she wants you to get it for her? Either way I'd use similar framework to the above, but without the "warning" and then I'd leave her to it.

No distractions at this age, because you want her to learn how to pull it back herself. She needs to realise a tantrum is not a good way to get what she wants, or to get your attention. So give her neither.

It's at home. She want's me to order it so the postman brings it :)
I don't want to buy her more, because she has enough things already, and we accommodated her with a bunch of frozen stuff already. (she goes from one obsession to another, unicorns, Vincent Van Gogh, now Frozen).

At stores i'd distract her with other things, discuss how some products are made... that works. but i dont think redirection is a way long term. I also don't want to manipulate her.

When at home I'd just say no with an explanation if necessary and then ignore her. When she calms down cuddle with no comment and then go on with what you were doing.