I don’t know what to think

[Unifish]

This is going to be a very long one so please bare with me. I currently have the care of my beautiful baby nephew at the moment (just turned 1) this is because 7 weeks ago my sister brought him to my house for me to babysit and I noticed a very significant bruise in his left ear the bruise was very dark and took up the most of the inner ear I then looked more closely and noticed there was bruising behind his ear and a scratch on his head there was also small dotted bruising in his right ear too. Well obviously I was horrified, my sister told me that he had some sort of bump while she was working and in my nephews fathers care that day and he couldn’t explain what had happened as he honestly didn’t see anything. So the day I’m talking about is a Tuesday the incident apparently happened on the Sunday. I told her you must take him to be checked immediately as it’s a really bad injury on an 11 month old baby with no explanation. My sister agreed and we took him together to the gp apparently the gp had no concerns. I won’t explain everything that happened the next few days but I found out some stuff that was very concerning about my nephews dads care of his previous childrens care and similar situations happening. So anyway long story short I took him to the hospital to be checked again and social services put him into my care temporarily while they did a section 47 investigation. That was 7 weeks ago in that time my nephew has been place on a child protection plan and has to stay with me till that is completed. My sister really wants he son back obviously and is very distressed by all this. However, while my nephew was in hospital she spent 1 hour there over a 4 day period she and the Babis dad have had little contact let’s say 3-4 hours maybe a bit more a week since this all started they both have severe depression and anxiety and other metal health problems. The social worker did a viability assessment on me on Tuesday and I’m starting to think that he isn’t going back to his parents any time soon. There is obviously a lot more to this but would take forever to type and for anyone to read. I guess I’m just hoping anyone could help me. I honestly don’t know what to believe about the injury my guts telling me he’s been hurt and that’s what the consultant has put in the report that the injury is non accidental but my sister believes her partner that it was an accident and happened in his cot.

thank you all for reading.

That's such a lot to cope with @Unifish

How are you managing with him?

I’m no expert but it seems unlikely that an injury as you describe would be self
inflicted. Concentrate on your DN, he needs you as a baby. I know it must be difficult for you but your Sis and her DP are adults and responsible for themselves and their actions.

If he's got a history and she won't leave him for the sake of her child then she won't get her baby back I'm afraid.

If he's got a history and she won't leave him for the sake of her child then she won't get her baby back I'm afraid.

That's true and the fact that she only spent an hour with him at Hospital will be ringing alarm bells.

Is she getting support for her MH problems and is she cooperating with the SS?

Yes, the hospital will have informed SS how often your sister was there and how she interacted with her child.

There is a fostering board on MN who will have other kinship carers who have been through this.

The Fostering Board on MN is a good suggestion Flop

Thank you all sorry for the late reply was sorting the kids out as I have 3 children of my own a 16 year old daughter and two sons 12 and 10 honestly my nephew is amazing he’s so good and absolute delight. My sister is honestly so blinded at the moment whatever he says she does I’ve spoken to his ex partner myself and he treated those poor children awful he hasn’t seen them in 3-4 years when he found out I spoke to her my sister called me and told me to tell her to get the paperwork drawn up as he don’t want them anymore as he wants to fight for my nephew I was totally gobsmacked and could never say that to a mother that her children aren’t good enough basically it’s disgusting I honestly couldn’t believe what was happening social services did tell me more on Friday however told me not to repeat anything so I won’t but I obviously feel so torn at the moment my sister was my best friend and now all this and I know my nephew comes first and always will but it’s all so hard she just really believes him and I’m positive she’s in an abusive situation herself even the social worker said it but have no evidence unfortunately.

Sadly it does sound very much as though she's in an abusive relationship but as heartbreaking as it is, I'm not sure you can do anything about it.

Here are some tips here from Women's Aid but it's going to be hard if she's not admitting things are difficult to herself let alone you.

No advice to give but you did the right thing. You have put this baby's interests first and put his welfare ahead of your relationship with your sister, that takes guts. I have so much admiration for you. Sending an unmumsnetty hug.

Thank you this is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through in my life I just can’t understand why my sister is not listening to the experts and seeing this situation for what it is they have both had to be interviewed at the police station for a recorded interview everyone is saying that it can’t be an accident and she’s begging me to be on her side and I’m trying I am I really am but she’s making it so hard atm x

I think you need to prepare yourself that unless your sister accepts that the baby was purposefully harmed then he won’t be going back to her and I’d think carefully about being “on her side” as if social workers think that you have the same view as her then he may not stay with you.
there are Facebook groups and in most areas in person groups for kinship carers (which is what you are) so I’d really recommend getting in contact so you can speak with people who have been in your position

So a quick update they have completed a full skeletal survey (for old healed injuries) they went to my sister and got a signed section 20 and said that there will be a meeting on Monday but I have no idea what’s going to happen now as they barely tell me anything tia x

Keep putting the baby first. It sounds like he's in the best place with you.

I think you'll have to put your relationship with your sister to the side for a while. Make it clear you'll be there to help and support her all the way but you don't have to defend the indefensible just because she's your sister. You can be honest that you wanted to believe her at first but that you no longer do - no doubt she won't appreciate that but it's honestly the best thing for her too. You'll have to handle it carefully, not to accuse her of anything but just reiterate your support for her and her son and make sure she has access to the resources she needs.

Op you are doing the right thing. your DN is so little and cannot speak for himself so you are his voice right now.
IF there isn't any abuse and he did in fact get injured accidently then only good could come from that and it will resolve itself. BUT if you ignore the signs and it turns out he IS being abused and no one took a stand to try and protect him NOTHING good would come from that.
You have to weigh up your options and decide which is more important : your relationship with your sister (who even if you are wrong should be grateful that you love and care for her child that much that you are trying to protect him) or the safety and wellbeing of your DN.

Kids are so vulnerable, and I have read too many awful stories of innocent children being abused and even though it was evident people turned a blind eye and it only ended horribly for the poor child.

Hats off to you, your DN is lucky to have a wonderful Aunt like you.

Thank you all it’s very clear that neither are mentally well at the moment it’s all like a bad dream I can’t wake up from I honestly love my nephew so much but I don’t take any chances with any child ever I’ve said all along I don’t know what to believe and there really is so much that I haven’t mentioned like in the child protection conference they voted themselves as a 5 on a safety scale so a 10 being the safest he could be and a 0 not safe at all my nephews dad voted first and said can I go 50/50 please so a 5 in the middle I couldn’t believe it then my sister copied him I’m still in shock about it now