I don’t know if I love her

[Orangepen13]

My baby is 7mo. This is so awful to admit but I don’t know if I love her. I just don’t get that strong surge of a feeling, and I sometimes wonder whether I’d be sad if she was gone (I don’t think I would). I always thought I wanted two, but caring for her has made me never want to do this again, which makes me feel sad.

Shes what some call a “high needs baby”, she cries so much, and other time is grunting, like a constant, frustrated “erghh erghh erghh”. She’s settled and happy a couple of times a day, and in these moments she’s lovely to be around, but I still don’t know if I love her?

I shower her in kisses and cuddles, and I tell her I love her, because I want her to feel loved and feel warm. I’ve spoken to my partner but he knows he loves her and just doesn’t really get it. I don’t really get it.

I'm 100% sure this isn’t PND. I just don’t think motherhood was right and I’m exhausted to my core.

Did anyone else find it comes later? Or have some people found they’ve never really developed that love?

Yes for me it took a few months tbh, with both. I can't quite remember when it happened but if i had to guess I'd say 12ish months, definitely by 18 months. I've read this is very normal, we all have different experiences. Both mine were very very tricky babies and I think it was just that I was so utterly exhausted I just couldn't process anything more than daily (and nightly) survival for me and my babies.

Mine are 2 and 3 now and the best I adore them and they are everything....I hope this gives you some comfort. To me it sounds like you are a great mum for thinking about this now, I think it will come for you too 💜

It’s ok, OP. Sometimes the hard stuff quashes it. It’s not maternal bliss for everyone the second the baby is born whatever the stories tell us.

You’re not weird or wrong or a bad mum for this.

don't feel bad it's OK to not feel the overwhelming love I spent a lot of my time with my first with the same emotions as you.

I found my dc had dairy, soya and egg intolerance and as soon as I changed to a prescribed formula and breastfeeding by cutting it out of my diet it changed her within days and made a huge impact.

When your child is hard work then it's very easy to find yourself feeling this way. DD is 3 now, we had a tricky start, at 7 months I could have written your post. Since then I've fallen def fallen in love with her. Her little personality is there now and we have an actual relationship. It makes a huge difference when they aren't just grunting at you any more.

That said, it is a relationship and it has its ups and downs like I have with any other person in my life. Sometimes I still don't feel like I think I should towards my 'daughter' as she almost could be any other child. She's been going through a tough behavioural stage at the moment and some days I've thought to myself that I don't really like her. 6 months ago though I'd have been gushing about how amazing she is as I felt completely differently.

It sounds like despite how you're feeling you're doing all the right things for your baby and I'm sure you'll keep doing that throughout their life 💐

Long story short; your feelings are normal. You're in this for the long haul. It's good you're connected to your own emotions as that will only help you as you move through your parenting journey with your child who is lucky to have you as a mum (wasn't that short in the end 🤦‍♀️).