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Mum guilt & personal whinge

1 reply

Hepless · 24/06/2022 16:09

NC. I'm spent emotionally. I'm not being the best I can be and feel very guilty.
DD is under the weather today, 13 months old. I accidentally caught her foot on the stair gate, not badly, her foot was just dangling in the wrong place as I navigated between a pile of unsorted washing and the gate to get her ready for her nap. She cried. Oh boy did she cry. It was way over the top because she was tired and ill and I tried my best to distract her with all sorts of things. Nothing worked. Checked her foot, not even a red mark, she was just tetchy due to tiredness and illness. I didn't deal with it very well at all and quite firmly and loudly to get her to stop said "You're not hurt!"...she did stop at that point and then cried some more...😩 I have to tell her quite firmly "stop" when she's going into tantrum mode because she gets so worked up and this along with distraction the only way I can do it otherwise she completely meltsdown.
I feel under so much pressure to cope as on the outside I'm married have parents and a MIL. But the reality is I do 90% of the parenting as DH works and I'm a bit of a control freak I guess, plus other reasons. Parents and MIL are elderly and are not much help, but they do try, plus they live nowhere near. My parents visit every now and then but they're ageing fast and last time they came for the week to help out, the poor things weren't much help at all and I practically just had guests, lovely but no break. MIL doesn't help with DD at all, variety of reasons. So I do feel like a single parent at times and it's tough. I'm probably being unreasonable and need to sort myself out.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MolliciousIntent · 24/06/2022 20:15

Saying things like "stop" and "you're not hurt" to a 13m old is a waste of time, as is using a stern or angry tone of voice - she doesn't have the agency to misbehave and she's using the only method of communication she has available to her, so getting angry at her for that is completely inappropriate.

You complain about feeling like a single parent (which seeing as you're presumably being financially supported by someone else is a pretty tone deaf thing to say) but you also say you're a control freak and that's one of the reasons you don't get support. You can't have it both ways!

It sounds like you're not enjoying yourself at the moment. Why don't you go back to work and put DD in nursery? Take some of the pressure off yourself.

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