What do you do when your children bicker?

[sandytoesallsummer]

I've got two DD, 7 and 12.

What does everyone do when their kids bicker? You know the sort of thing, "You're an idiot" "No, you're an idiot!!"

Sometimes I leave mine to it, see what happens and if it resolves itself although normally I am dragged into it...."Mummy!!! She said/did XYZ"

Just wondering what others do really, I always try and be fair to resolve it, sometimes threaten to bang their heads together 🤣

I ignore until I'm dragged into it, then I arbitrate. "DD, you shouldn't have said that, but DS, you were winding her up. Apologise to each other.

Unless I'm particularly tired and/or grumpy, in which case they get an "Oi, you two - pack it in NOW!!!" the moment they start.

I usually resort to yelling, "For God's sake you two, will you PACK IT IN!!!!!!!" at the top of my voice.

It doesn't work.

I do not arbitrate. I say, ‘if you can’t be nice to each other, go away and do something separately’. And send them away.

im not being embroiled in that crap.

Mine are old enough now that they manage to keep the bickering to a deafening roar (they're nearly 18 and nearly 20) but when they were younger..it was very much pot luck depending on how competent a day I was having. On a good day, I would use the dispute to explore healthy conflict resolution with them - mediate to ensure that both were heard, help them find compromises and work through powerful feelings etc. On a less stellar day I might snarl at them to knock it off on pain of evisceration. On one particularly end-of-the-tether occasion, after they'd been sniping solidly ALL morning, I gave them each a bucket of soapy water and a sponge and made them clean opposite sides of the patio doors in silence. I also remember threatening to strap them into their car seats and put them in the bathtub together until they sorted out whatever it was.

Whatever gets you through the day without actual bloodshed, really. Nobody's perfect.

Our DD's are 11 and 6 and it drives me crazy. I would LOVE a solution, it's been going on for years no matter what I say or do or threaten. 😩😢

I think it's really ingrained behaviour now. I have found the '3 strikes and no screens' works a little. Every time there is a dispute that they don't solve or someone says something mean they get a 'cross' then 3 is no screens for either (untill the next day). Probably not ideal but it's the best I've found.