Struggling with newborn - Advice?

[Rainbowpie26]

I have a nearly 3 week old DD & I feel like I’m really not coping well at all. I’m a FTM & my partner had just recently gone back to work. The first day was perfect, she fed well, managed to get her to have a couple of naps in the day in her Moses basket & I even managed to get some rare sleep too, I felt quite confident I could do it on my own as DP works away a lot & I don’t have any family or friends nearby. However since then it’s just been terrible, she’s over tired every day, nothing will calm her down. When she eventually calms down will only sleep on me, if I try to put her down so I can rest/eat/go to the toilet, she cry’s.

Im feeling like I can’t quite cope with it & I feel so guilty, I’ve got this lovely baby which I am so lucky for but I just don’t know what to do. I know newborns don’t have a pattern as such but at the minute she goes to sleep roughly 9:30pm ish, sleeps till 1/2am (which is brilliant, but I suspect it’s because she’s so tired) then 3/4am, then 5am. Then she will literally be awake all day. (Maybe an hour nap or so on me if I’m lucky)

Are there any tips for getting her to go down for naps more? She seems like such an unhappy baby because she’s so tired & I’m grouchy too for the same reason. I just feel like I’m failing her. I’m trying so hard not to get upset in front of her as I don’t want her to pick up on it but I’m really struggling. She is feeding absolutely fine & has exceeded birth weight already. Is this a phase that will pass or could I be doing more?

Sorry for the rant, I’m just at a dead end & could really do with some experienced advice.

My baby would only nap in the sling or in our arms at that age (until she was about 4 or 5 months) which is really normal. In order to get her to nap, you may have to give up on the moses basket for now.

The only advice I would give is to get a really comfortable sling - Google sling libraries near you - and that will give you your arms back. I could do everything with her strapped on my front, including going to the toilet!

This stage is really hard, but it doesn't last forever. I hated the newborn stage and I looked on with envy at these other babies sleeping happily in prams while their mothers sipped coffee and chatted. But if I could go back in time now, I would tell myself that it will all change soon enough and this will not be your life forever. Do whatever it takes to get yourself through it with sanity in tact - there are no rods for backs at this age.

Definitely a phase!! Try not to put pressure on yourself about getting naps in the Moses basket. My only tip for naps is movement, mine have always slept in the sling, pushchair, on me or if really tired and nothing else was working I would go for a drive. I used to get worried about not being able to put baby down for naps but I eventually just sat and enjoyed the naps whilst cuddling, I got through lots of series whilst having cuddles. And then one day I suddenly realised that she never slept on me in the day anymore and would sleep in pushchair.

You’ll have days where everything goes well and days where it all seems to go wrong but it does get easier in many ways. I found getting out for a walk everyday really helped with getting into a routine and just having some space from being in the house.

Also if you haven’t already check out the wonder weeks app, it’s all about the leaps babies go through with their mental development and at the different ages these happen. Not everyone likes it but for mine it was spot on, sleep would go funny and they would be grouchy. If I remember correctly there is one around 4 weeks so you could be getting that too.

My DS2 also would only sleep on me. I think you just have to go with it! Set yourself up with snacks and lunch, within easy reaching distance, put the TV on and let her sleep. Or maybe for a walk in the buggy to get her to sleep? I found it we went out, I wasn't so focused and stressed about naps, and they would come more naturally.

Congratulations on your little one. It does get easier.

It sounds like she is happiest sleeping on you so I'd consider a sling if you can. Don't feel you need to be doing anything. I know it's hard but your job right now is to be there. The washing up etc can wait for when your partner is back. It will get easier. Personally I hated this stage, but in a few weeks the picture can change and you can find yourself enjoying bits of the day. Good luck, it's brutal but it will get easier x

My babies only napped on me. If you haven't got one I suggest a sling or carrier, I also highly recommend going out at least once a week to somewhere you can meet other parents in real life - in my town two of the pubs hold morning meet ups (on different days) for instance, once is officially breastfeeding support the other is just for meeting other mums. Churches often have things like this too. Mine napped on me whilst I watched tv mostly

I found changing my thinking helped. My youngest only napped on me until she was nearly 6 months, so I'd settle in with a box set and snacks and my phone and try and think of it as my time off. The loo, preparing meals etc could all happen when she was awake and happy in her bouncer or on her play mat.

It is brutal, I had an easy baby and a difficult baby and I didn't enjoy the newborn bit either time. There's so much more fun ahead, it's just one foot in front of the other for now.

I'm on Mat leave with a 10 week old, he won't sleep anywhere but me.
I just sit watching box sets and let him sleep...
I will say I'm not doing any baby classes this time and I'm really enjoying the relaxing.
Sometime I get to clean up with baby in the sling , some times I don't, however I'm not putting too much pressure on a tidy house

It sounds like a phase to me. Don't be so hard on yourself it's still very early days.

I'd suggest buying a sling/baby carrier so you can still do things whilst she sleeps on you.

Get a sling.

Try a swaddle. I had to actively put my babies to sleep after a maximum of ninety minutes awake time as newborns, so after one hour I'd start to wind them down, swaddle them, feed them, rock them in a darkened room with loud white noise. Otherwise they got more and more tired and overstimulated and it was harder and harder for them to drop off.

Let them sleep on you.

Babies often become more alert and aware at three weeks old.

Like PP I would just get comfy and enjoy the cuddles. My DD used to spend a lot of time awake and alert from being a newborn, if she wasn't feeding/dozing at the breast she was looking around. Some babies just don't need as much sleep 🤷🏼‍♀️

Also it's ok if you need to put baby down for a few mins to eat/pee/answer the door and they cry, you are not a bad person if your baby cries !

Ah man it's hard OP. Hang in there.

My DC also used to only sleep on me. As PP said - surround yourself with snacks, water and the remote control and embrace it. It doesn't last forever, needs must in these early weeks.

Mine was also good in the pram - if I took her for a decent walk I could sneak her pram into the hall without waking her and she'd have a long sleep in there while I did other things.

You're not failing. The first 2-3 months are survival mode. It will get better, just keep trying different things till it gets better. Even then, they go through phases so what works one week, might not work the next and you have to start over again to find a routine. The nights are going fantastic, you like your kid. Focus on the positives. You're doing well.