Should my 2 year old be in nursery even though I’m not working?

[Ravb887363]

I’m on maternity leave with my second child (6 month old) and have a 2.5 year old who is in nursery 3 days per week. This is the same around of days she was in when I was working and we decided to keep her in nursery because we were lucky enough to afford it and so she wouldn’t have to then start again and resettle after I went back to work the second time. We also thought especially during the early newborn stage she would probably have more fun and stimulation there than at home.

Recently she’s been going through a period of separation anxiety at drop offs and absolutely sobbing when I leave which she’s never done before except when she first started. I feel so awful leaving her there especially when now im not working. But if im perfectly honest I feel so exhausted from the days I have both of them and my baby sleeps badly that i feel desperate for those three days ‘break’ even though I still have my baby it means I can nap when she naps etc.

my eldest daughter just seems so angry and tantrums often lately..hitting and biting me and I feel like maybe nursery isn’t the right thing and maybe now she’s older she’s figuring out that I’m still having the day with baby without her. Would you take her out / or reduce? I love her to bits but find her extremely hard work lately with the constant rages but maybe she would be less angry and upset if I took her out..the thing is even when she’s home Mondays and Fridays and it’s just me and the two girls she doesn’t get enough attention as obviously the baby needs more help at this age / can’t sit up properly yet etc so spends more time on me.

i try to get one on one time with her at the weekend and I put her to bed / lay in bed with her and cuddle to sleep every other night as me and my husband swap girls each night.

I think it's probably just her age as she gets nearer 3 and the tantrums start. I personally wouldn't take her out otherwise you'll be back to square one when it comes to sending her back to nursery when you return to work.
I'd try and give her a bit more attention and one on one time when you're at home. I realise this is tricky with a baby. But perhaps when your little one naps etc. The kicking/hitting is often a cry for attention.

My youngest went through a stage of terrible drop offs at nursery at around 2.5, even though he’d been totally happy there for 18 months, and nothing had changed in our circumstances. Being 2 is hard!

I kept my eldest in nursery when I was on maternity leave with his brother - we could cover the cost and I thought the stability of a place where nothing had changed would be good for him.

If it’s just the drop offs and a general feeling that since you’re at home you “should” have her at home, I’d stick with nursery. If you have other reasons to be concerned that nursery isn’t the right setting for her though, I’d talk to the nursery. How is she once you’ve left? Do they have concerns about her anger/tantrums/hitting? (I’ve always thought the nursery staff are better placed than me to say what’s pretty normal 2 year old behaviour and what suggests there’s a problem)

Also worth thinking about your longer term plans - are you returning to work? Do you need to keep her place at nursery? If you take her out now will you be sending her back in a few months anyway, and potentially starting over with settling in?

I'd also keep her at nursery. If she's unsettled because of the new baby, being home when you're tired and having to split yourself between the two won't really help. Get the rest you can on the days she's at nursery and find ways to have quality time with her on the other days.

It's so hard though I sympathise as we had the same. It all settled though as my eldest got used to having a sibling and is a delight now. They absolutely adore each other and it's lovely now.

You sound like a great mum wondering what's best for your DD, good luck!