Struggling with twin life

[Silentshout]

Looking for some advice.

I have a 3 year old DD who is in nursery 9-2 mon - Fri and 17 months twin boys. The boys have never well since birth and still wake up on average 4-5 times a night each. On a bad night (once or twice a week) they can be up screaming on the hour every hour. Also to add they rarely nap during the day either!

the twins are up to all manors of mischief during the day, as cute as they are it really makes me feel like Im having a mental breakdown. I put away all the clean clothes in the drawers, seconds later the clothes are strewn all Over the room. They have pulled the child locks off of everything. They’ve been walking since they were 9 months and They climb up onto everything, nothing is sacred in the house, everything gets destroyed, books get ripped apart plant pots get launched from
window sills. I try to hoover and they spend the entire time switching it off at the sockets, they turn the dishwasher and washing machine on and off constantly. They have loads of toys but never seem to want to play anything. We have a nice big garden with a climbing frame but they only want to climb over our 4ft fence and down into the street 🙃. I take all 3 kids to the park all the time and other fun places but it’s tricky as they refuse to be in a buggy, if I use the reigns they have massive tantrums runs and I end up having to drag them to safety. So I let them walk but it always ends up them running in opposite directions, climbing over park fences and off to the road etc.

husband at work all day and I’m
working 4 hours in the evening and 2 hours in the morning before they all wake up. My poor DD doesn’t have as much attention from me as I’d like because of the little terrorists!!

any advice would be appreciated

Advice- Gin! Omg OP I dont know how you do it!
Not much help, my youngest sounds like your twins though, and I struggle with 1 of her. I cope when I'm not working by being out constantly, and not trying any major clean ups until nap time or bed time. Do you have to work- sounds like a lot to have you do.

Put the twins in nursery if you can afford it. If necessary take DD out and use the money to put them in instead. Put them in one at a time so you massively reduce the amount of time you have them both together.

Sort some sleep training. Pay for it if you can, if not bite the bullet and do it yourself.

Don't let them not go in the buggy. Once they realise no means no they will eventually accept it, even if there are tantrums initially.

I think this is the very hardest age with twins, I really feel for you OP. It will get easier!

It’s so tiring isn’t it! I did ask about benefits but we were knocked back on the basis that we own our own home and DH earns just over the threshold. We live on an island in Scotland and childminding is so hard to come by, we were getting quotes for £8 per twin per hour when I was only being paid £11 per hour from my previous job! Everything is so much more expensive over here so we wouldn’t manage the bills on just one wage.

I clean my DD school each night, 6-8 back to help DH put the kids down 8-9 then out to clean our local distillery 9-11. Then I’m up 5-7am to clean the local hotel before DH goes to work. It’s completely crazy , especially as the twins are waking up all through the night.

My DH wasn’t very helpfuL in the beginning but he’s really turned it around and puts just as much work and effort into it as I do. Im just so shattered and feel like a mad woman. I still have 18 months left before they start nursery, someone pray for me 😂

Then my advice is sleep train at night- why do they wake> if they want milk offer water- as long as safe, healthy and not hungry do not engage when they wake.

I had DT 22 months after DS. I was just looking at photos of them when they were the age yours are and I was reminded how hard it was and how they were into everything and how knackered I was. I only had one non-sleeper by then and as PP suggests once I gave her only water when she woke she was a lot less likely to wake up. No advice really, just I hear you.

My advice is to childproof everything! No flowerpots, books within reach etc.. Yes, it's annoying but it's not forever. (I only learnt this after my twin ds smashed our tv at that age!)

Get sleep sorted. You need to sleep train them. Up every hour is no good. Seek advice from a sleep consultant or advice from people with twins who've sleep trained.

Create a fully toddler proofed living room. It’s the only thing that kept me sane - so what if the living room is a big playroom, it’s not forever. Mine are now 10 and eldest 13 and it does get easier in many ways. Different challenges do arrive though.

Sleep train, and childproof one room to let them loose in. And then drink gin after bedtime.

I have no constructive advice to offer but I want to express my utter admiration for what you are doing everyday to keep your family afloat and I wish I had a magic wand and could send you a 24 hr nanny immediately.

Everything @MakingNBaking said - wow, what a dedicated and conscientious mum you are OP. But you need sleep. Loads of advice on the sleep boards. I’d recommend a search for ‘controlled crying’ (there are humane ways of doing it) and maybe have a read of this lady’s account of doing the Ferber method with twins: ravelingout.com/2016/07/11/sleep-training-twins-using-the-ferber-method/amp/

I don’t have twins but I do specialise in infant sleep research and I would have thought that something along the lines of Ferber could deliver the fast results you need. Once the toddlers are getting adequate sleep, you may see less ‘overtired behaviour’ (ie wrecking the joint!). All the best to you.