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Parenting

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Original poster

5.5 year gap between siblings

30 replies

AnxiousFish · 21/06/2022 09:46

Does anyone have experience to share of a 5.5-6 year gap between siblings?

DH and I have one DC (4) and have had two miscarriages while trying for a second. We are trying to decide whether to try again, possibly towards the end of the year.

I would love to know what's good (and not so good) about a gap of this size if anyone can share?

Thank you!

OP posts:

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WhatICallMyUsername · 21/06/2022 10:05

Our age gap is 8 years so slightly more than you asked about. DS1 turned 11 recently and DS2 is nearly 3. They have an amazing relationship and have never argued. They absolutely dote on each other

Asiama · 21/06/2022 10:13

Hi OP, I have friends with this age gap. One loves it as she felt that the older one is independent enough for her to give attention to the younger one. The other friend hates it, as the children have nothing in common, the older one gets annoyed by the younger and they struggle to find family activities that suit both ages so one is always bored or each parent does things separately with each child.

I also know adults who have siblings with this age gap. One has no relationship with their sibling beyond usual politeness as they felt with the age gap they had little in common. The other has a close relationship.

Basically, it can work out either way! But having a smaller age gap is no guarantee that things wo

Asiama · 21/06/2022 10:13

No guarantee that things work out better.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

FT123456 · 21/06/2022 10:23

Me and my little sister have a 15 year age gap (I know it's not the exact gap you were looking for) but our relationship is beautiful.

I also know someone with an 8 year age gap again such a lovely relationship

Littlebirdyouaresosweet · 21/06/2022 10:27

Ds was 5.10 when ds was born. Now 13 and 7. Still very close. Shared a room by choice til 2 years ago.

Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim · 21/06/2022 10:29

There is 5 years between my eldest and youngest and they are in love with each other. No fighting like their other closer in a age sibling stuck between them. She is fascinated by what he can do and play and he is very empathic and understanding of her age and abilities. He is now 8 and so perfect for climbing and wrestling.

Deadringer · 21/06/2022 10:31

I have 5 years between 3 of my dc and while they never played much together, they are close and caring towards each other. I found it easier too as each one was out of babyhood and in school before the next came along. My first 2 were close in age and played together when small but are not close now, could be a personality thing though. I don't think age gaps mean anything really, they just are what they are.

shivawn · 21/06/2022 10:32

My sister in law has a 5 year age gap between each of her 3 children, a 10 year old, a 5 year old and a baby. She absolutely loves it and the older two boys get on brilliantly with each other and absolutely dote on their baby sister. Obviously im only seeing a snapshot of things but it seems that anytime we call to see her that the 5 and 10 year old are outside in the garden playing and kicking a ball around while she's inside chilling with the baby. I'm actually really envious of her, I'd love to do a 5 year age gap if I was younger.

One has no relationship with their sibling beyond usual politeness as they felt with the age gap they had little in common.

I'd imagine this could easily have been the case regardless of an age gap, its not a very big age gap, especially now as adults. I have a similar relationship with my sister who is 2 years younger than me whereas I'm really close to the one who is 8 years younger. My husband has 9 siblings, the oldest of whom is 21 years older than him. They didn't have a typical sibling relationship growing up but now as adults they are all very close.

schoolhol · 21/06/2022 10:41

I have just under 5 years between my two and (youngest 9 months old) and i find it great. They love each other so much, older one plays/tries to look after baby and baby's face lights up when she sees her older sibling. Obviously I know this dynamic may change when the baby is a preschool and the older one is a tween!

I could never have coped with 2 under 2 or even under 3 (just not cut out for the chaos), and it's lovely having the baby by their self during the day whilst older one at school. The downsides are that we are dragging out the school years (e.g. will be doing school run forever!!), but financially it is beneficial to spread out cost of childcare and to not have two maternity leaves close together.
Of course i don't know any different and this gap suits me, but I would say don't overthink it...... if you think you want a bigger family and can cope emotionally with TTC, then go for it.....families come in all shapes and sizes.It's not that uncommon an age gap, there were a few pregnant mums or mums with newborns when my older one started school, and a couple pregnancies since.

MissingGrandstand · 21/06/2022 10:43

I am the older sibling with a 6 year age gap (just the two of us) and I don't feel like DS or I could be any closer. We were together all the time growing up, but it allowed my parents to spend that quality early time with both of us fully as when my sister needed that one-to-one I was old enough to entertain myself. Very rarely fought, played together for hours (there's nothing better as an older child than having an excuse to play with toys you want to pretend you're too cool/grown up for).

We lived together as young adults by choice (other side of the country from our parents) and still holiday together. If I have another I would want at least a 4 year age gap as it worked so well for us!

Findahouse21 · 21/06/2022 10:47

I have 5 years 3 months between mine and I love it!..

Dd2 was born while dd1 was in reception so had they year off on mat leave to settle her into school.

They aren't interested in the same toys generally so don't massively squabble over stuff but do still play together as well, and can still do days out that please them both.

Dd2 goes to bed early enough that dd1 gets an hour with us each evening so still gets her one to one time.

Dd2 is going through a hitting stage but dd1 has a level of understanding so doesn't try and hurt her back.

They absolutely adore each other and sometimes when I can't understand dd (2.5 and slightly late talking) dd1 is my translator!

WillowintheUK · 21/06/2022 10:51

Mine were 5.5 years between first two, then third came along a year later. My fourth is 12 years younger than the oldest. All adults now but all still very very close. This pleases me as I don’t have such a close relationship with my own siblings. I love how they support and look out for each other.

majorquimby · 21/06/2022 10:53

I'm the older sibling with the same age gap, and DB and I are not at all close - but then I am not sure we would be even with a smaller gap, we are just very different.

The one thing I would say is you need to be really careful about not making the older one 'responsible' for the younger one. My mum was a LP from when I was about 11, and as soon as I was a bit older I was her default childcare for DB, in the school holidays, and in the evenings when she went out. I absolutely hated it, I just wanted to be with my friends, not stuck indoors minding him when all my friends were at the beach / cinema / drinking cider in the park.

I don't think this did our relationship any favours as to me he was just always an irritating whiny little brat that I was lumbered with!

AWobABobBob · 21/06/2022 10:56

When they are little there's not too much of a difference as they are both children. When it hits secondary school age (11) there's more of a noticeable difference as the eldest has different interests and starts to mature they have less in common.

Flatandhappy · 21/06/2022 10:57

5.5 years between 1 and 2 (also due to a couple of miscarriages), 4.5 years between 2 and 3 (our happy surprise). I love the gaps, there was no jealousy or sibling rivalry, no wrangling multiple small kids. From the time the eldest was 13 and started to babysit DH and I even got some adult time. Some of our happiest memories were family holidays where they all chilled together. They are now adults and continue to get on really well. I love their relationships independent of me.

noscoobydoodle · 21/06/2022 10:58

There's 4.5 years between my youngest two, and two years between my oldest two. I found the bigger age gap much easier. My older two are really close but absolutely dote on the little one. We do sometimes have to divide and conquer (so little one stays at home with dad and I take older ones to the cinema). Little one is part time at nursery so often does things like soft play, which the older ones wouldn't enjoy, in the week when they are at school.

Survivingmy3yearold · 21/06/2022 10:58

We have an almost 5 and a half year age gap between our DDs. They have a lovely relationship, they're almost 7 and 20 months. DD2 absolutely adores DD1. As they get older who knows how the relationship will change, but for now it works really well

Happierthanever91 · 21/06/2022 11:07

My DD is 6 in August and I have another on the way in the next few days so I'll have more or less the same gap. No experience to share as of yet but my DD is so excited and has already told me she wants to share her bedroom (we shall see if that still is the case when other DD is here..)

Tesoroxx · 21/06/2022 11:15

Not exactly what your asking but I have a 10, 5 and 2 year old the 2 older ones clash a lot but both have good relationships with the youngest I think it's more a personality thing than age to be fair

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 21/06/2022 11:57

There’s 5 years 8 months between DB2 and I.
He’s my favourite sibling! (There’s 4 of us…).

Original poster

AnxiousFish · 21/06/2022 15:17

Wow, thank you everyone for sharing. It's wonderful to read all your positive experiences.

Can anyone share how their first born took to a new sibling when they first arrived? I'm worried mine would find it very difficult.

Thank you :)

OP posts:

mumonthehill · 21/06/2022 15:23

Ds 21 and ds 15 so six year gap. They have always got on very well but is was tricky when elder ds was 17 as his life moved on and the gap seemed huge but now they are very close and stay in touch when ds 21 is at uni. I found that my elder ds was fine when new one came along, he was old enough to articulate his feelings and had his own routine with school and friends. We made time for him when the little one was asleep.

KohlaParasaurus · 21/06/2022 15:56

I'm five and a half years older than my next in age sibling and the effect of the age gap was small in comparison with the effects of our very different personalities and of the scripts our parents wanted us to follow (I had already slotted into the role that might have suited my sister best and she was under subtle pressure to be all the gentle agreeable feminine things that I wasn't). The gap was too big for us to fight as children and we get along fine as adults.

Whataboutno · 21/06/2022 22:15

There is 5 years between mine and it's been fine so far. I guess things will be different when the eldest is a teenager but I think that could be the case with any age gap really.
My eldest had a few woe is me you don't love me as much as my little sister when she was born but that didn't last long!

carefullycourageous · 21/06/2022 22:17

This is a good gap, the bigger the gap the better really in terms of adjustment. Absolute worst gap is 3 years I remember reading.

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