2 year old hitting - what’s the best thing to do?

[Pen89ox]

My 2.3 year old is the kindest loveliest little boy, over the last few weeks he’s started pushing boundaries as I thought he would.

Occasionally he’s started hitting me and tonight its been really bad. I usually sit next to his cot at bedtime and I sing to him and stroke his back until he goes to sleep, he’s been coming up to me and hitting me several times but I struggle to know how react. I feel like I don’t want to give him too much attention for it as right now to him all attention = good but at the same time I absolutely want him to know that hitting is completely unacceptable.

Currently I tell him that we don’t hit, that hitting hurts and I tend to end my interaction with him for 30 seconds or so and then regroup and ask him to say sorry, but this doesn’t make any difference.

Distract him from hitting where you can or withdraw attention like you're doing.

I wouldn't ask him to say sorry because that won't mean anything to him yet.

Is he doing it during the day? At night I would start a new routine of night night and leave, he's trying to say something? Perhaps wants to self settle.

Following this as having the same problem with my 18MO. She'll get frustrated with a toy or something and then comes over to whack me (or DH)

DH & I say a very firm 'No!' And then sometimes say 'hitting is not nice' or something along those lines. Then we separate ourselves from her.
It's tough. I think you have to stay consistent with your response.

I feel a sense of mum guilt at times with this whole thing because I don't always know what is frustrating her (sometimes it's really hard to tell and want to fix the problem) but, for sure, cannot allow hitting.

Also, I completely get this confusion between giving them the attention and not giving them the attention.

If you give them the attention this might be what they want? Not giving them the attention then they don't know that it is wrong. The advice is confusing.
It seems a little 'damned if you do, damned if you don't.'

I think a very firm no and an authoritative stance is fine. It is normal at this age but it's down to you to make sure he understands it's not ok. You can be clear on your boundaries without being unkind.

Tiredness is usually a trigger, can you start bedtime earlier? Or maybe he hates your singing and wants to be left alone to fall asleep 😂 But more generally I go with a sharp no, a reminder of gentle hands and a swift redirect.

A firm “no”, “stop”, “hurting me”, “sad” and withdrawal of attention. Sometimes if they’re not noticing, a sharp gasp while rubbing your skin and make a wince face. They need to make the connection that hitting is sore and won’t get attention. At this age asking for an apology or “why” is too advanced.

These words are more effective used when children accidentally hurt themselves like scraping a knee, the same language such as “sore”, “hurting you” “stinging”, “sad” it gives meaning and connection.

At first when they hit say “stop, sore” if they hit again remove them away from you or move away yourself with a neutral face and repeat “stop/no/sore/sad”, it stops the big reaction they can feed off.

Depending how good their language is I’d say things like “if you hit me, I’m moving you so you can’t hurt me” or “if you hit, I’m going away - it’s hurting me”.

I think you're right to not do a big reaction as they will remember that and may hit again to get the attention/reaction. I have found Janet Lansbury's blogs and podcasts useful when my 2 year old was going through a similar hitting phase.
At this age, try to keep your reaction as boring as possible, no shouting/over the top voice. E.g. I won't let you hit me. It hurts/You're having a hard time not hitting. So I will help you by holding your hands etc.
My toddler has definitely been hitting less and less since I've not done the whole oww that really hurts! reaction.

Also agree that making them apologise is pointless at this age.