How to deal with child 1 biting child 2, I am NOT going to smack him but what will work?

[FlllightAttendant]

Ds1 just bit Ds2 hard on his hand - Ds2 was on my lap at the time and started to cry. I didn't know what Ds1 had done as I was reading something on the computer, then Ds1 told me what he had done and I saw there were marks.

Then I realised that Ds2 had a similar mark on his hand last week too. Obviously Ds1 bit him then as well.

I am very angry about it, but don't know how best to deal with it. He wants my attention probably which I will now go and give him but could use some advice on the best way to make sure this doesn't happen again

How old is ds2?

Sorry Misty, he is 7 months. Ds1 is four.

stern voice say no! that is very naughty. youhave really hurt DS2.
turn your full attention to ds2. lots of cuddles etc.

ignore DS1 and don't go on about it. as little attention as you can after the intial convo about what he has done.

Try to work out what triggers the biting -- e.g. if you're pretty sure it's because DS1 wants attention try to spot the other signs of that earlier and give him attention before he gets to the biting stage.

Make sure that if DS1 bites DS2 it's DS2 who gets all the immediate follow-up attention rather than DS1 (even negative attention is attention).

Be very firm about the fact that "We do not bite. Biting hurts."

Thankyou, have done those. Have also not said anything further, not sure where that leaves us, am still very upset and angry. Though ds2 seems to be ok - I don't want him to think it's normal to be bitten!

At the moment we are confiscating toys for biting, after a year of battling with it (DS just under 3). This seems to be working (cross fingers, touch wood etc)

That might work. Ds1 has never been a biter till now.

"you made ds 1 sad, look he is crying"
"Mummy feels sad now, its not nice to bite, you dont like it when somebody hurts you do you? can you give ds1 a kiss and say sorry"

I think that at 4 they do understand when they have done wrong because if my dd (4) hurts my ds (7) delibrately then you can hear her say "please don't tell". She knows it is wrong but I think she finds it hard to express when she is upset and so hits out a bit. Telling your ds that it is wrong and there will be a consequence should work. Also getting them to say sorry. Littleducks gives a very good eg.

Don't you just bite him back? That's my mil's advice.

I've done the sort of talk Littleducks suggests quite a lot in the past. I imagine it goes in mainly. I think this is just going to be a bit of an ongoing battle with regard to ds1 being jealous of ds2 - he's usually not too bad.

No, Mymama - I do not bite him and would not want to. I don't know where he's been for a start

You weren't serious were you?

No. Not serious. Just passing on some worldly advice from my mil

Not much help I know but my ES used to bite YS in the shopping trolley in the supermarket. He was 3 and YS was 8 months. He'd obviously worked out I was less likely to get really cross in public! Eventually I had to react and I bit him back, I know it's not what anyone recommends now but it worked then, he's now a non violent 14 year old and it has become a family story.
Biting is normal and doesn't mean you're harbouring a future delinquent, although I was convinced at the time that mine would be in borstal (or what ever the current equivalent is)by the time they were teenagers!

My ds2 went through a phase of biting ds1 (2 and 6) - I worked out it was the only way he could win a fight! It got embarrasing when he started trying it at nursery... was a brief phase though. I did in fact bite him once which did seem to work very effectively...

my 2yr old bites when someone takes something from him - ie not attention seeking, but reacting to percieved injustice, and it seems almost an instinct rather than a conscious action. Any ideas??? It's getting a bit bad with other kids at the moment...

That's why DS bites, vikt. It has been a real struggle for over a year to get him to give it up. He's pretty sensitive to other's feelings so we tell him how sad it has made the other person and us. Now we confiscate his favourite toys too so he learns there is a consequence to his actions. Touch wood he seems to have stopped at last. (Please!!!)