Breastfeeding?

[dd82]

There seems to be this growing trend of obsessive breastfeeding. Nothing wrong with breastfeeding, obviously - but the obsession. I know someone that was a slave to her breast pump, trying to desperately to keep up the breastfeeding - and previously fed her first born until 2+ years (2 1/2 maybe?) - that it affected her mental health! We have all heard that "breast is best" - we don't need this repeated. But it's ok to, firstly, simply want your body back - and secondly, if it started to affect her mental health, at what point did this single-minded quest of breastfeeding become detrimental? We all only want what is best for the baby - and what is best is a calm, present mother. If there are no issues, then great - but if the sheer stress is outweighing the benefits, then there must be a better alternative! We should all be able to go with what works best for us personally - ie. keeping options open, not limiting them. I've just seen this with my own eyes and it's frustrating.

I think the pressure is internal - everyone on forums like this are quick to suggest switching to formula, and the HVs and midwives IME push the fed is best narrative.

So the pressure comes from women themselves,and I think it comes from a primal urge. We all know breast is best, it has myriad advantages, and as mothers we are desperate to know we've done everything we can for our children. I think it's an innate drive.

What a strange post. You know someone who tried really hard to breastfeed and this means there is a breastfeeding “obsession”?

Hmmm I am in no way someone who is obsessed with breastfeeding - I went into it very relaxed ! Then left it too late to introduce a bottle and I am now stuck still feeding a 15 month old who has never Accepted a bottle, won’t drink milk from a cup, and I have no idea how to stop

i think it’s easier said than done to just stop or give a bottle - it really isn’t as simple as that - especially if you have a bottle refuser.

my mum and husband kept saying it’s ok to stop - and I wanted to when I was having a shit time when my baby was about 3 months old - but it made me more upset because I wanted to but I didn’t know how - I tried so hard with offering formula and she just wouldn’t have it. And I wasn’t just going to let her go hungry.

there should probably be more support for stopping maybe

Extended breastfeeding isn't a choice often, it's hard to wean a breastfed baby, and even if it's taking it's toll on you, carrying on feeding is often the easiest path. I also don't think women trying to breastfeed when it's not coming easy to them are "obsessed", the benefits of breastfeeding are clear and I can see why some women would continue trying. There is no shame in that, just like there's no shame in FF.

Is it your baby or your boobs? No? Then it's not your business.

For some people it's just an important thing to do, just like others find other parts of parenting important. Breastfeeding is important to me, so I spent quite a lot of time and effort persevering when we struggled the first time round. Likewise, some things weren't massively important to me so I haven't spent the time and effort on them.

Not that I think there's any reason to judge anyone else on their choices, especially their choices surrounding feeding their children, as someone who is currently pregnant, the breastfeeding pros and cons have been going through my head a lot.

I am the last of my friendship circle/family to have kids, and so I've seen formula feeders straight away, mix of both, breastfeeding till 12 weeks to 2 years. But one thing that is really niggling me, is that those who breastfed, especially those long term, suffered the most mental health wise. Obviously breastfeeding was their choice, and I doubt they regret it at all, but they had much tougher time than those who formula fed.

I get the breast is best argument but I have to admit the impact on mental health is something I am quite nervous of.

Women are their own worst enemies, constantly criticising each other, why does it matter to you what others are doing ?

@bambibb if it helps I had a much harder time mentally with my combi fed child than my EBF child.

@bambibb if it helps at all, I have a history of severe mental illness, am currently breastfeeding my second child (4m in this time, 12m last time) and have genuinely never been happier or more stable.

Emily Osters’ (economics analyst) book has some very interesting conclusions on breastfeeding. She basically unpacks a lot of research to conclude there are no personal advantages to breastfeeding, except marginal health benefits to the mother. There was a detailed thread on it fairly recently titled ‘Emily oster on breastfeeding’ I think.

I think there’s a lot of judgement passed on mothers that don’t breastfeed, both internal & external. It’s hard xo

This ^

This!

OP, you don't sound like a very kind friend, given the language you use to describe this woman. Is it simply your assessment that breastfeeding impacted her mental health, or did she actually use those words? I'm also not sure why you are using that example to extrapolate for all breastfeeding women. This post is screaming projection, and says more about you than breastfeeding babies.

I bf til I went back to work at five months - no way was I going to start pumping after that. Second I did it for a year but she was down to one feed just before bed by then. I was thrilled when she decided herself to stop!
No guilt whatsoever!

You do sound judgemental. 'Slave to her breastpump'. I don't care how anyone feeds but surely the same could be said for ff, constant washing bottles, sterilising, ect.

I breastfed both my babies for 2+ years, including EBF both for six months, and it was a) lovely b) an incredibly handy tool in the parenting arsenal c) easy once we were out of the first couple of weeks d) burned off a shitload of cake and lowered my breast cancer risk. Win.

As PP have said, what you've written about this woman says more about you than her. Why the projection? Her boobs, her baby, her choice.

Keep in mind stopping breastfeeding might well also affect her mental health, so she might have good reasons to continue to BF even if it is hard going sometimes. Not everyone prioritises getting their body back over continuing to be able to give their child breastmilk.

I agree with OP, my experience was i breastfed my baby until she was 5 months when my supply dropped for some reason. Everyone told me to just carry on and if I kept it up enough that the baby would get enough and my supply would come back(including lots of breastfeeding experts). I felt huge pressure to carry on, which was possibly partially internal but definitely not only internal. This ended with my little one in hospital with weight loss. We then obviously had to incorporate formula and I found it incredibly hard until breastfeeding was properly over and my hormones had calmed down. It was then a huge huge relief. Agree the Emily Oster book is really interesting on this.

Emily Oster has form for portraying herself as totally objective whilst actually pushing a subjective agenda...

You’ve got one anecdote. I have a couple about women I know who wish they’d breastfed or carried on longer than they did. They’re as valid as yours but not worth a thread.

It’s amazing how many people on a parenting forum start threads about how bad/pointless breastfeeding is, how it’s too much work, how it ruins lives.

It’s almost like there’s a multi billion pound industry invested in women not breastfeeding and social media is the new place to win hearts and minds for the alternative.

I'm still bf my two year old. I am not obsessive, it also isn't any of your business.

Maybe look into your own personal reasons for why you're so interested and judgemental.

I personally have noticed a trend of people telling breastfeeding mothers to stop, in direct contravention to the WHO guidelines which suggest are two and beyond.

I've never judged anyone for formula feeding - although I when I was about 15 I read the back of an SMA tin as I was passing it to my uncles wife and thought the ingredients were weird as fuck. I was quickly told to be quiet in case she heard me and I've never asked anyone since why they feed their newborn baby rapeseed and sunflower oil.

Whey protein (milk), vegetable oils (sunflower, rapeseed), lactose (milk), skimmed milk, long chain polyunsaturated fatty acids (DHA (fish oil), AA (Mortierella alpina oil)), 2'-Fucosyllactose (2'FL), calcium citrate, potassium citrate, magnesium chloride, potassium hydroxide, emulsifier (soya lecithin), potassium chloride, choline bitartrate, acidity regulator (citric acid), L-phenylalanine sodium phosphate, sodium chloride, vitamin C, calcium hydroxide, taurine, L-histidine, inositol, nucleotides (cytidine-, disodium uridine-, adenosine-, disodium guanosine-5’- monophosphate), antioxidants (tocopherol-rich extract, ascorbyl palmitate), ferrous sulphate, zinc sulphate, vitamin E, L-carnitineacin, pantothenic acid, copper sulphate, thiamin, vitamin A, riboflavin, vitamin B6, manganese sulphate, potassium iodide, folic acid, sodium selenate, vitamin K, vitamin D, biotin, vitamin B12.

My goodness, the amount of people who are triggered just by saying the word "breastfeeding"... when I haven't even said anything offensive.

I guess it's my fault for making it so anecdotal. Yes, everyone can do whatever they want, but it's the INTERNAL pressure that I was commenting on. A great example is the people who commented that it's simply hard to change or wean feeding habits. That is true, but I hope whatever happens, it's without the added burden of being hard on yourself! And, removing everything else out of the equation, are you doing what will lead to the least amount of self-burden? There couldn't be any less judgement in that.

“I've never judged anyone for formula feeding - although I when I was about 15 I read the back of an SMA tin as I was passing it to my uncles wife and thought the ingredients were weird as fuck. I was quickly told to be quiet in case she heard me and I've never asked anyone since why they feed their newborn baby rapeseed and sunflower oil.”

This is judgemental.@britneyisfree

It wasn't. I was just curious as I hadn't seen formula before that and I was confused by the ingredients as everyone says you shouldn't eat too much oil but yet formula is based on it and not even the good oils. It's basic overly processed cheap seed oils.

Also I've never said anything to anyone until I posted this as I hadn't thought of it again until I saw this silly post saying people were obsessed with breastfeeding.

I think people are reacting to the word obsessive, not the word breastfeeding.