No sleep

[Superstar96]

help!! My 10 month old has never slept a full night as of yet. He takes hardly any milk in the day (I’m lucky if he takes 8oz) but takes a 9oz bottle at bed time which is usually around 7:30pm-8pm. He only sleeps 4/5 hour stretches at a time so most nights he’s still waking around 1am for a bottle then starts his day at 6:30. How do I get him to stop waking & sleep longer, I am due back to work soon and can’t face being this sleep deprived whilst working too. Ps he eats well during the day also 🥲 any help appreciated Tia xx

Time to drop a nap? Or time to sleep train? Or both.

@MolliciousIntent he has already dropped his morning nap as is and I want to sleep train but don’t want to do CIO. i have tried ignoring him when he wakes at this time but he just cries and cries and only settles with the milk

You could try gradually weaning that night feed. Just cut back his middle of the night bottle by an oz every 2 or 3 nights and hopefully move those calories to daytime.

So he's down to one nap? When did that happen? Is he maybe overtired?

RE sleep training, CIO is usually a last resort, have you tried anything else?

@shivawn im going to start reducing the night time milk starting tonight! Pray for me lol

That sounds pretty normal for 10 months. Usually they would still have 2 naps but some babies still need a feed (or several) in the night at this age.
4/5 hour stretch at night is pretty good and a lot of babies don't sleep through the night until they're closer to 2

@MolliciousIntent well it depends on the day tbh, some days he takes the morning nap other days he refuses - he’s hard going. I try to aim for the wake windows but I feel it doesn’t always work with him. When he does nap during the day it’s 1 hour MAX he’s never slept longer than that for a nap, usually lasts between 30-40 mins and that’s with all the appropriate stuff in place ie darkness etc. & no I’ve not even attempted sleep training yet as tbh I’m not very educated on it & how it works (google has all these different methods & im not sure which is best to try) I was thinking of maybe purchasing a book or something of the sort to help me a bit further on what to do. I feel embarrassed telling others that he still wakes during the night as I feel I’ve done something wrong along the way. It’s so draining 🥲

@lilroo87 thanks for this comment. I attend a baby class with him and everyone else’s baby’s seem to sleep great it makes me feel so deflated!

It is so normal for them to wake up though.
If you have Instagram check out the following accounts as they may make you feel a bit better:
Fox and the moon infant sleep
Little nest sleep
Second star to the right sleep

My 10.5 month old has had some really terrible sleep recently, it's so hot and down. Some nights she wakes up every 2 hours wanting a feed and other times it's once in the night or none and she'll wake at 6am.
I just go with it now, whatever she needs. It's tough but I don't compare myself to other people/their babies as all babies are different. Your LO must still need that feed in the night for now, it won't be forever.

I know everyone deals with lack of sleep differently but 2x 4/5 hour stretches sounds amazing to me!

My nearly 11mo does 2 hours when we first put her down at 8 then she's in bed with me and feeds 3 times before 5 or 6ish when she will only sleep on the boob for another hour or so.

Night waking is definitely normal for babies, but bloody hard for parents! I would no way want to sleep train but there is a lot of info out there for if you do want to.

This

What I'd have given for 4-5hr stretches at that age. My children and must if my friends Cristal were waking more than that at 10m.

@EdithGrantham @Babyboomtastic i would like to add although he goes down at 8 I don’t go to my bed at the same time as I have other things to attend to! I usually don’t get to my bed until 10/11 so I’m awake within the hour to feed and then back awake 6:30 or sometimes even beforehand :)

Would just like to add - in my personal opinion 4/5 hour stretches of sleep are not enough for my baby considering the amount he’s eating in the day. I feel he really should be sleeping longer, I have many friends with baby’s who’s kids all seem to sleep 8 hours at least and nap well during the day.

Is he even hungry for milk in the night?
Is he not using it as a comfort instead of actually wanting it?
Does he have a dummy?

Reduce the bottle and try and introduce a new comfort for him

@HSKAT sometimes I feel asif he’s hungry others it’s defo for comfort! He doesn’t use a dummy anymore as I removed it at 7 months as he was waking crying every time it fell out his mouth and my HV advised to remove🙂

The media world sets us up to believe that babies should sleep through and that food helps them sleep.

My 15mo eats well but wakes up at least 3 times a night. 3 hours is a good stretch and we've only just started seeing naps lasting more than 45min (even though we've been on one nap for so so long).
Many in my online MN group are the same.

Your LO sounds normal and healthy. Broken sleep is tiring but you adjust.

I hope the return to work goes well, it is nice to get a bit of yourself back!

I don't think any of us thought you went to bed when baby does. Your baby's sleep is still totally normal.

Don't forget that your mum friends may exaggerate, define sleeping through differently from you, or have told you about a good phase, but not when it stopped.

Getting a block from about midnight/1 -6.30 is really good actually at 10m. I was working whilst having 1-2 hour stretches (and often less) at that age.

Is your baby bottle fed or breast? If bottle, then by sharing then with your partner, you can both get a really good stretch.

I do understand that it's hard, and feels daunting returning to work. This isn't your baby's fault though, it's societies, which had feed you the myth that older babies sleep through.

I was told that sleep either takes time or tears. You get to choose which. I think that's true for a lot of children. You can shortcut some of the sleep deprivation with sleep training, it wait until they are developmentally ready to sleep better - time or tears.

@Babyboomtastic my baby is formula fed, the sharing with my partner situation isn’t going to work as he works night shift. I guess il need to just see it out atm & do what my HV suggested which is when he’s 1 water down his feeds in the night until he no longer requires them.

The Instagram accounts @lilroo87 suggested are good - I'd also add Lyndsey Hookway, I find her really kind, realistic and practical. Her book (Let's Talk About Your New Family's Sleep) is also excellent - she doesn't advocate traditional sleep training, so it wouldn't be the one to read for a CIO/controlled crying type plan, but has lots of practical suggestions and reassurance about what's normal.

For what it's worth, your little one's sleep does sound normal (or even quite good) for a 10 month old - my son is the same age and is usually up twice a night, once on a good night, and has never slept through. I'd also echo what PPs have said about expectations from society (and older relatives often) being really unhelpful - my mum always says how my sisters and I slept through from 6 weeks so when my son didn't it was a real shock!

Another one just to reassure you this is normal. Id you want some possible ways to nudge him along though, check out the No Cry Sleep Solution book or Sarah Ockenden's sleep book. My 8mo is sleeping as you describe at the moment and it feels pretty good to me tbh after about 3 months of much worse sleep including lots of hourly wake ups and crying in the night etc. My eldest slept much better than this but they're all different. Fwiw I'm nearly 30 and I wake frequently at night myself! Difference is I guess that I have a lot more ability to do things to help me get back to sleep but I still often struggle with it and there are tears on occasion! So I really do still struggle with the additional burden of sleep deprivation caused by my son but I empathise with him. A lot of the time I sack off the kobs that need doing and just go to bed at like 9 for my own health and sanity.

I had an absolutely terrible sleeper (im talking 6 wakeups a night and only short contact naps) but sleep training and a lot of trial and error with his schedule and he is finally sleeping 10 hour stretches.

Good sleep habits and a good schedule can work wonders. How does your baby fall asleep at night? What's your bedtime routine? Your schedule sounds a bit all over the place if he is on one nap some days and two naps other days...I'd work on that if you're not keen on sleep training, the right wake windows can make a huge difference!

@shivawn I actually have a pretty good schedule tbh. He used to nap pretty good according to his wake windows- it’s only recently he’s started to refuse the morning nap. I have a strict routine of bath bottle bed at night time, after his bath he takes a 8/9oz bottle and goes into his cot 🙂 I wonder if maybe prolonging his morning wake window will make a diff. Last night he woke as I went into my bed at 11 and took 5oz and slept till 6:45 🙌🏼

Thats brilliant! A good night makes all the difference doesnt it? I'd try maybe adding 15 minutes to that first window for a few days and see if that makes a difference! It might be a case of changing sleep needs as he gets a bit older. 10 months is young to be on onr nap but not unheard of either. Does he feed to sleep?

@shivawn he does feed to sleep more or less yeah, I know they say this isn’t the best but I don’t know how to stop it as he always gets so sleepy on the bottle. During the day for his naps he goes down without the milk so it’s not a constant thing. I’m so glad he slept well last night, never get 2 nights the same tho so I dare say tonight will be the opposite