12 year old always getting in trouble at school

[Triotriotrio]

I'm at my wits end. DS12 just cannot seem to get through a day at school without getting multiple detentions. They are never for anything serious (and the school has a wider issue with behaviour and the fact that they give out detentions like smarties - school of 1000 and in one week they set 1200 detentions) mostly he gets them for making stupid noises in class, or for talking with his friends when he shouldn't, but it's causing a real issue.

His dad and I are trying to manage his behaviour and he has been grounded, had his Xbox, phone and anything taken away. That didn't work so we tried to reinforce good behaviour through taking him out for treats if he does well, doesn't get detentions etc but nothing works. His Dad and I are not together but do work as a team to support him, but nothing works. His dad thinks he is a lost cause and it is creating a bit of a rift.

What can I do

Is it one of these ‘super strict’ schools? Because that doesn’t help if he feels I’m he’s getting detentions for stupid reasons it ends up devaluing the detention

the school has a wider issue with behaviour and the fact that they give out detentions like smarties - school of 1000 and in one week they set 1200 detentions

Im thinking the schools draconian rules are the problem here, not your DSs behaviour. So there is no point double punishing him for getting a detention or using rewards if he is lucky enough to avoid a detention because the school seems to be hell bent on giving every child at least one detention every week for complete non-issues.

This is exactly how I feel. In fact we took our other son out of this school as it really wasn't suiting him at all and since he left he has not had any detentions in 3 months despite getting them daily at the local school. I just don't know what to do, my elder son moved in with his Dad to allow him to go to another school as we live in a tiny village and any school within easy travel is managed by the same academy.

I'm also keen not to continue punishment from school to home but his Dad is the opposite and I really feel stuck.

Have you asked him why he's making stupid noises in class? It's rude, disrespectful and disruptive and I always give a detention for that.
However, if the school wasn't a good fit for your other child, maybe it's not for him either. There's obviously more going on here.

Well you really only have two choices

1. Move home to another village so your DC can attend better schools.
2. Start a revolt amongst the parents protesting the schools over use of detentions. This could include requesting group of parents & headteacher meetings, going to the media, writing the school governors, complaining to Ofsted, etc.

In regards to your DS dad, I’d have a frank discussion with him. Tell him the facts about your other son, back it up with what other parents are saying. Paint a vivid picture for him that it’s the school and not your DS behaviour.