Dad not hearing baby?

[Cherryy]

My DH just doesn’t hear our DS when he wakes. I’m pretty sure it’s genuine because he carries on snoring!

The thing is this, we sleep separately because of his snoring, so when DS wakes in order to get DH to go in I’d need to go and wake DH, by which time it’s easier to have gone into DS myself. But it means I do all the night wakes which is really unfair. Anyone else with this problem?

That would drive me nuts.

My partner tends to sleep through my youngest if she wakes in the night. He just doesn't hear her. I'm next to him so I just prod him until he wakes up.

Must be really hard if he's snoring and you're in separate rooms. Could you put a baby monitor right next to the bed so he (hopefully) hears the baby waking?

It’s so annoying! I honestly don’t know how he does it, even with the monitor there. I think DS could wake the dead but never hears him, so it’s me doing the night wakes and early mornings. If I raise it with him he grumbles that I only have to ask, which is true but I’m awake then!

Funny how it's always the men who seem to be able to sleep through anything. Frankly it would worry me if I didn't wake up at the sound of hearing DD cry so not sure how my partner manages to sleep so soundly through it.

I just prod him awake - on one hand defeats the purpose as I'm already awake, but still don't want to be the only one waking up!

I did all night waking with mine. No point in both of us being tired! I was a SAHM mum though so maybe it's different.

Anyway, our NCT teacher told us that women will hear their baby/child cry out in the night far better than the father. It's just how our brains are wired.

I don’t want to sound unnecessarily waspish here but of course it’s different when one partner is a SAHM and the other is working FT. In our case, we both work FT.

My DP never heard DC either. It never changed. I have no advice. I still struggle with it now and they are 7&6.

Mine rarely hears DS whereas I hear him the second he steps out of bed before he even cries!

We sleep in the same bed though so I just poke him awake and try to go back to sleep myself. The baby monitor full volume beside his bed should wake him up surely?!

OH used to frequently ask if the DC slept through. No, they fucking didn’t.

They sleep through it because they know they don’t have to deal with it.
Put the monitor in his room close to his head at full volume, if he doesn’t hear it he is ignoring it or he needs to go get his hearing checked.

Get a monitor and put it on loud right next to his side of the bed.

If his snoring is that loud you need to sleep separately and he could potentially sleep through a smoke alarm going off he needs to see a GP ASAP. Insist.

I have 2 DC. I done all wake ups for at least 18 months (then split) he's never slept all night. It used to drive me bananas especially when I was pregnant that I always had to get up....

When second came along my DW had to take over wake ups with our eldest and now I actually don't hear my eldest getting up at all (which is still every night
))

My DH has always been a very deep sleeper and genuinely doesn't hear them until after me. So when it's his turn I wake him and up he gets.

Extra annoying that you don't share a room. I would continue to wake him - let's face it it's nicer to be awake cosy in bed listening to your husband soothing the baby than to be pacing the floors.

Ask your DH to come up with a proactive plan. Could he set his phone so that it rings loud enough to wake him so you can ring him and not get up?

And of course there's a point in two of you being tired, your DH needs to pull his weight.

Otherwise if there is nothing medically wrong, there are vibrating alarms you can use (usually marketed at people with hearing issues).

Mine rarely hears our two and I have to really shake him to wake sometimes if I need a hand (vomit explosion or similar) and he takes ages to be fully awake
or with it. I’m properly awake instantly.

www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/womens-mens-brains-respond-differently-hungry-infants-cries

Mens brains are hardwired differently

You do know it's ok to wake him for things less than a vomit explosion? Even if you're already awake.

It really scares me, what would they do if you died? Would the baby scream all night? Would the neighbours call social services? The thought terrifies me.
Honestly what would happen?

How good are you at trying to stay sleepy? I would give him monitor. On Loud. If he doesn't budge with one eye open walk into his room and boot him hard. Then walk back straight back into bed.

He will soon start to 'hear' the baby

Too close to learned helplessness in my opinion

Yes @JenniferBarkley I’m well aware of that thanks. It’s usually the younger one waking up though and breastfeeding is something my husband isn’t great at.

Go to a hotel and leave him with the baby. He’ll magically be able to wake up! The reason he isn’t waking is because he’s categorised “baby crying” as “not my problem”.

DH sleeps in the same room and DD and I (DD is 6 months).
DD is in the next to me crib on my side of the bed, not a million miles away.
He doesnt hear her at all.
In fact, he wakes HER up with his snoring. Yup, my husband wakes my child up snoring at night.
I can literally punch him and I get nowhere, if Im lucky I will get a conversation but its just sleep talk.
Ill often boot him out to the other bedroom so DD gets a decent sleep but when she wakes, I feel angered that its then me dealing with her because he is blissfully unaware next door.

I feel you OP, its a pain in the arse and I have no solution.

Is the baby in its own room yet? Could DH share with the baby? There's a better chance of hearing the baby when they're a foot from your head, plus DH's snore may work like white noise (you never know!).

My DH didn't used to hear it at first either. I had to prod and shake him with my feet pretty hard to wake him up, but as time went on, he got better at hearing and I got better at getting back to sleep. Eventually, a good portion of the time he would hear it and deal with it without me waking at all (not 50%, but maybe 30% with a further 10% of us both waking and him taking a turn).

Get a monitor and put it on loud right next to his side of the bed.

^^ this with bells on