Worried about leaving my clingy baby

[KatM93]

Im just after some advice/reassurance about leaving my DD to go back to work. My maternity leave is due to end when my little girl is 9mo and we have been talking to family about them taking her 2 days of the week and nursery for 2 days. My issue is that our family lives an hour and half away and therefore my mother in law wants to pick her up on a Tuesday and bring her back on a Wednesday. My DD is currently 5mo and very clingy so it’s really worrying me about leaving her. My husband is trying to be supportive but doesn’t understand my worry, he thinks if we start leaving her for short periods she will eventually be fine. I’ve told him that I’m not sure if I will feel comfortable with it and maybe to put her in nursery 4 days a week instead of going for an overnight stay with the grandparents but he says that it’s too expensive for 4 days of nursery. Feeling a bit lost, has anyone experienced similar?

If you're not comfortable with it don't do it.

Personally I was delighted to have a bit of time for myself and to rest without being woken up by a crying baby. But we're all different.

However, if your baby is very clingy you may be setting yourself up for a hard time. Maybe work on spending time away from her gradually ? First 30min, then one hour, etc.

Your DH idea of leaving her for a short period of time and building up is honestly the best way. Or you go straight in and do it which you don't want to.

It's hard, but honestly as pp after so long you look forward to the break.
Working and being a parent is hard, you both (you and baby) have to get used to a whole new routine.

I would start getting some things in place now for leaving her as if she's also starting nursery you want her to be settled at one before the other. So not trying to adjust to both at the same time.

It's easy to say don't do it if you're not happy with it but really it depends - when your Husband says 4 days at nursery is too expensive, is it just that it's money he'd rather not spend or can you actually not afford it, leaving you short each month? If you genuinely can't afford it then it isn't really an option. If it's just that it would mean tightening your belts but it's doable then definitely look in to it.

If nursery is out of the question, can either of you change your hours? Ie part time or condensed days? If you could both do condensed days and take a different day off that could be your two days covered.

If not, realistically, is family the only option? And if it is, it isn't really reasonable to expect MIL to do 3hrs round trip twice a week. If you don't want them staying over, could you drop off and pick up? It still sounds like a lot of travelling though. It's worth trying your Husband's suggestion at gradually leaving baby for longer and seeing how you get on, she may surprise you

Your family are too far away to be a good childcare option, I'm sorry. There is no fucking way I'd be away from my baby one night a week.