Have I spoiled my child?

[Nowheretogo1985]

I've got a daughter aged 3, im finding her incredibly demanding. She will whine and call my name and wants me at her beck and call y. I have tried to ignore this behaviour but her calling for me gets louder and she will have a tantrum if I don't get her what she wants, this is especially the case in public at parties which is embarrassing and I can see from the looks on people's faces that they think she's a handful. I dote on her completely and we have a very close bond but she is starting to display quite demanding and entitled behaviour. If I have a conversation she will whine alot to get my attention, it makes it impossible to concentrate on holding a conversation with another adult. I'm not sure what I've done wrong...I've just tried to be the best I can and show her how much I love her but she is starting to become grumpy, bad tempered and difficult especially around company. Any ideas what's going on or how I could make things better??

Try only noticing and mentioning good behaviour, ‘ brilliant breakfast eating’ ‘ such good walking to nursery’, ‘lovely playing’ and ignore all the not so good behaviour.

Threenager

You just need to firm.

When your talking and she interrupts
'Not right now mummy is talking' and ignore.

When out and about and she starts you either remove her from the situation straight away, so she leaves the party, or you can ignore.

This is good advice.

I also make a conscious effort to practice waiting and delayed gratification at that age. I do it at home a lot, so that it’s not such an issue in public. E.g., if we bake together, I don’t let the DCs taste things straight out of the oven. I’ll tell them “these biscuits are for this afternoon” and I’ll stick to my guns. In reality, there’s no need to wait, other than the fact that I want to teach them to wait. Sometimes they’ll get whiny, but then I double down and ask them for ideas of what we could do while we wait (or if they’re really losing it, I distract them). Likewise, if they ask me for help with something they’re playing with I’ll say “yes, I’m coming, I’m just going to finish my coffee”, so that they learn that I’m always there for them but that I’m not at their beck and call. I try to do this a couple of times a day in different ways, and I think it makes a real difference.

She sounds normal and will calm down as she ages. Giving her less attention will make her pester more. Positive re enforcement is fine but all kids are different so try not to stress it.

I recently posted something similar about my 3 year old (boy) he skipped the "terrible two's" and more than making up for it now

Stay calm, don't let her escalate you, any reaction to her behaviour seems to encourage it, I call "yes love" or "be with you in a minute" then a calmly (taking my time) find him, ask what he needs help with and proceed

They HAVE to learn bad behaviour won't get them anywhere it's taking time but I'm winning

So he might scream and shout and even throw things but by staying calm and taking my time he stops by himself pretty quickly and loves the "well done that was SUPER waiting" etc etc

Good luck, it's normal, it's their job (testing boundaries etc) and it will pass

When she interupts your conversations you explain she has to wait a sexond as you are talking.

If she has a tantrum, let her have a tantrum 🤷🏼‍♀️ wait until she has calmed down a bit then talk to her

You do need to crack this before school there’ll be a long line of kids to deal with!

Remember that you being the best you can doesn’t mean she’s happy all the time! It’s a good time to work on her sometimes being unhappy and having to deal with it herself instead of you jumping in to make everything ok, because that’s what she’s used to and that’s what she’s relying on. But actually as children get older they get great satisfaction from working out their problems themselves. It can be something like making her pull up her pants herself even she if resists and wants you to do it, but then lavishly praising even a tiny attempt because she’s such a big girl! Getting her to pour her own milk on her cereal (from a small jug is best) and so on. Before you know it you’ll be deep in “I do it” territory anyway!

Making her wait doesn't mean you don't love her. In fact, quite the opposite. She has to learn to wait or she's going to have a difficult time when she starts school

Give in immediately or not at all. Or, next level parenting, pick a behaviour and give in to it. I used to 'give in' to serious politeness. "Oh lovely you know I can't resist good pleases and thank yous and a nice voice" <sigh>

Bwahahahaha

This is very good advice. Positive reinforcement and rewards for good behaviour, no treats for bad.
Remember it's a horrid age OP, I'm sure in a couple of years you will have a much nicer child.

Ime telling her you can't understand her when she talks like that works wonders...

Thank you for all your responses. Made me very reassured that she is quite a typical 3 year old! Some really helpful advice and tips on here which I'm v grateful for xx

I think most children struggle with the transition from being a baby/toddler and having their needs met very quickly to becoming a child and having to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them.

It's a good time to learn but it will take time and some tantrums! Don't under estimate how differently young children perceive time though - five minutes can seem like a really long time to a three year old.

I dote on her completely and we have a very close bond but she is starting to display quite demanding and entitled behaviour.

Time to make her realise she isn’t the centre of the universe. There’s some good, kind advice here.