Nursery undeclared sleep policy

[Howarewenotthereyet]

My DS is 14 months. Prior to nursery and when at home he has two naps a day early/mid morning and early afternoon. If he has one nap a day he is up for 2-3 hours at night (split sleep) and then up at 5am. He started nursery 1 month ago. When I signed up to the terms and conditions I was told nothing about sleep. I was instead asked for my babies routine which I gave them as above. They said they would follow it Every day since then they have let him sleep 'when he wants' for as long as he wants. This can be between 2 and 4 hours a day. Often at lunchtime meaning he missed lunch and is given a snack to make up for it. Recently he was put down at 4pm. And that day was up until 10pm. I believe they put him down when he is already overtired - rubbing eyes/crying. He has never slept before 11.30 in the morning at nursery. They won't wake him up. This is their policy. Every time I explain the issue they just chant this is our policy.
But I never saw this policy or agreed to it. I don't believe what they are doing is in the best interests of my child. He is exhausted. I work full time and have had around 3 hours sleep a night for the last 4 nights as I've been up with the baby. I am exhausted. I am paying extortionate fees. I need childcare until I have an alternative. But I also resent paying what I am for this service. I am wondering if then can enforce a policy that they didn't make me aware of.

What would you do?

That’s very odd! I work in Early Years and we accommodate each child’s routine that the parents have told us about (as much as we can anyway). We currently have a few children on restricted naps because of sleep issues at night time.

This nursery are not listening to you, and not really thinking about what’s best for your child. I would move him.

Sounds strange. My nursery try to follow a routine. I have the opposite problem and they really struggle to get my 14m old to sleep, her sleep is terrible at home too. I've told them to let her sleep whenever she wants as she only had 25 minutes the other day and bedtimes are a disaster.

The will follow a routine as closely as they can at our nursery and will wake a child if they're going to sleep passed the parents 'cut off' time.

Speak to the nursery director and arrange a face to face appointment, explain that if they can’t follow your routine you will remove your child.

I would ask for a meeting with the manager, explain the impact on your life, ask to see the sleep policy and explain what you need. Then if that isn’t effective I would move nurseries. 14 month olds aren’t generally able to articulate when they want to sleep so ‘letting them sleep when they want’ is rarely going to be effective.

Thank you. I am so sleep deprived I have been doubting myself. I have an older child who went to nursery and never had any of these problems. The staff are very unwilling to listen and one rolled their eyes at me yesterday when I explained his routine.

What bit of this are they insisting is their actual policy? Because not waking a sleeping child is one I've heard of before (though it's not been policy in either of the nurseries I've personally used) but having no routine sleep times at all and refusing to try them for a sleep at times that mirror what they do at home very much isn't.

I think you do have to be realistic about sleep at nursery - when DS2 started he was on a routine that just didn't fit in with nursery at all (two naps, clashed with meals) and they don't have a separate sleep room so I wasn't surprised that that didn't last long - they followed it when he was settling in but since they could only get him to sleep then with a member of staff holding him for his naps it wasn't going to be a realistic option in a group setting. He ended up going down to one nap at the same time as the other children. But it was a transition, discussed with me, and that's what I'd expect.

Both my children slipped into one nap after lunch on starting nursery around that age. They initially tried to follow my routine but they wouldn't sleep while the other children were running around. One thing I did ask which the nursery did was that they didn't sleep more than 2 hours or past 3 as otherwise they wouldn't go to bed.

Mine started around 13 months and was on 2 naps. Nursery always accommodated as much as possible. DS transitioned to 1 nap fairly soon after starting but he was ready for it and nursery worked with him during that phase. If nursery aren't prepared to work with you, I'd look at moving him.