Siblings bickering driving me round the bend

[RedAngel19]

Two siblings who on the whole get on. One boy one girl aged 10 and 8. However, I'd say this last couple of years they seem to squabble and bicker frequently. The constant low level bickering - it never gets physical and they don't name call - drives me round the bend! They do always make up and they love each other very much but the daily bickering really gets to me! I should mention that their personalities and interests are also polar opposites.

They find the smallest things to fall out over. Or they just do things to annoy each other. This never used to happen but it happens more frequently as the as the older one approaches her tweens. DD is quieter and prefers to read whereas DS wants her to play with him so he will sometimes annoy just to get her attention. In turn, it means DD wants to spend less time with him. She does play with him but she wants her own time and privacy as well which we do explain to DS but he finds it hard to respect this.

They can both be as bad as each other. Today, for example, they argued over breakfast. DS told DD to stop touching his toast with her hands. DD said she only moved the plate away from table edge so the dog wouldn't steal it. Fair enough. But DD, presumably annoyed to be accused of touching this toast, kept her fingers on his plate saying "But I'm not touching your toast". Arggggh!!!!! Really petty stuff like this. I then can't bear listening to it so get cross and tell both of them off. Both kids then get upset and we're all upset.

Please tell me. Does anyone else have siblings who bicker like this and will it get better? Any strategies for avoiding it? I try to let them resolve it but can't always ignore depending on what's happening. I usually give a warning and ask them to resolve it / stop bickering or else both lose their toast/toy/no movie/whatever they are bickering about. I always follow through. Sometimes it works sometimes not.

It's so important to me that they get on. I get that siblings bicker and fall out and it's normal. But this last year has been exhausting as it seems to be more fall outs these days. I have two siblings and I remember how much we annoy each other. I've always wanted siblings who would be best friends.

Any advice appreciated! Or is just a really long phase?!

You can’t make them be best friends but you can teach them to behave. So if they bicker at the breakfast table, you make them eat in silence. Maybe you should make a rule that if either of them closes their bedroom door, that means they can’t be disturbed.
I do feel for you. I had a DS and DD who always go on and still do, now they are adults. But you can’t make them be friends. Maybe they will like each other better when they are older.

@mdh2020 thanks - these are good suggestion and we do this already. The warning always requires them to resolve it or be silent if they can't but it's the small stuff they can't seem to resist even when they are being silent as I've asked them to. The small look that irks the other for example! I am frustrated because they rarely used to bicker like this and, as far as siblings go, i still think they are quite close even though they are very different. E.g. they still like to have sleepovers together in the same room and like to hang out with each other when not bickering! If one is on a playdate, they do look forward to the other coming home. They are better friends than I was with my siblings growing up. I don't want to lose that! Sigh! I'm hoping this is a phase but I'll continue as you suggest teaching them to behave. It can be so draining!

Ah, the toast thing brought back happy memories, that's the kind of stuff my brother and I used to do to each other and still would.

Get some headphones!!
Ime sibling banter is great for teenagers dealing with friends and school mates...
If they do your head in leave the room and tell them why. Or send them to theirs.

You could be describing my 5 year old DS and 7 year old DD. I have no idea what the solution is. It drives me absolutely bonkers

@DecimatedDreams my brother used to hover his hand a few centimetres away in front of my face. It used to really annoy me and I'd ask him to stop it. He never would and would enjoy my annoyance. Eventually, I'd yell for my parents and he'd innocently say "but I wasn't touching her or doing anything!". Maybe this is why it drives me round the bend to see my kids do it!!! Bringing back childhood memories! 😂

Following with interest as my two (9 and 11) do this. They are really close and obviously love each other. But the low level winding each other up drives me crazy.

Tune it out.

It's perfectly normal sibling behaviour. You'll be making it worse by making an issue of it. Particularly, if it's because they're not living up to your unrealistic dream of having siblings who are best buds. You need to get over that, it's not on them to live out your dreams.

Other than that, divide and conquer. Get the younger out the house more often so he gets the interaction he needs and the older one gets the peace she needs. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

My 12 and 9 year old DDs. They were always very close but the bickering and fighting has become constant since the elder hit puberty. I have a feeling things are going to get worse before they get better.

I still do that with my sister and I'm 33

I'd be worried if they didn't communicate at all. Sounds perfectly normal (and very annoying).

Thanks everyone! Based on advice above, I will work harder to tune it out. Hard when they ask you to intervene but I will give this a go. @NuffSaidSam fair point that you've made although I don't think it's unrealistic that siblings be great mates as mine never used to wind each other up and I have lots of friends who were great mates with their siblings and remain so as adults. I think your point that I'm possibly making it worse is a fair one. I'll try harder to tune out! We definitely do divide and conquer and each gets their own space but it's incredibly how they can wind each other up in seconds after missing the other one all day!

@artisanbread sorry to hear this and I feel your pain! I did wonder whether DD nearing her tweens and her hormones changing hasn't helped. She's usually more water off a duck's back but has over this last year become much more sensitive about things hence it's easy for DS to wind her up. You've reminded me that we have puberty to look forward to! Indeed, it may get worse before it gets better!

Mine used to wait until we were in the car to really perform.

I used to threaten radio 4 and mutter darkly about leaving them on the side of the motorway. Although I inflicted the first on them I promise I didn't ever abandon them.