5 year old wanting to breastfeed again

[Mummyof287]

DD (5y 2m) who I weaned off breastfeeding at 3 and a half became quite touchy feely with my boobs again during my pregnancy with now 7mo baby girl, and has often 'snuggled into me' whilst I've been feeding her.I don't mind this unless she starts trying to 'kiss' my boobs, and says she likes she 'smell of the milk' as it feels abit intrusive.

She struggles with understanding personal space, and i have been trying to teach her body autonomy and that we don't touch ladies boobies and anyone's bottoms or private parts.

Last night I was lying (fully clothed) in bed with her, and she was pulling at my clothes and trying to touch my boobs through my dress, which I was gently but firmly discouraging.She kept asking to 'have diddy' (which we call breastfeeding in our house) and although not openly upset, was disappointed when I said 'Diddy is for (baby's name) now, and now you drink milk from a cup'
She responded with 'but please mummy, just one lick' and said she didn't like the milk in a cup (cows milk) although she does usually drink it.

I stopped b/f her when I did as I just felt abit squeamish about it with her having become quite aware, like i wanted abit of privacy and personal space back.
If we go to the toilet out somewhere I like her to look the other way whilst I go now too.I was brought up in a very prudish and private household, and have always had found sex and bodies rather embarrassing.Bearing this in mind, I'm proud of what I've accomplished with extended breastfeeding.

I know i stopped for a reason, but I felt really sad and guilty last night saying no to DD and i'm not sure why!

Am I approaching this all wrong? :-/

Is this an attention thing because you're spending so much time (to her) with baby? Are there ways in which you and she can do "big girl" things together, such as soft play or going to the playground, without baby, so she gets 1:1 time with you?

I'd keep focusing on the milk being for baby. It will be reminding her of when she was a baby and the closeness you had then.

Could you offer her some breastmilk in a cup? I agree with pp, she needs some quality time with you. She must be missing the time it was just you and her, and it's confusing/upsetting for her. Be patient and understanding while she adapts.

I think this is probably quite normal- our then 3yo became fascinated by my boobs when we had our second and kept asking to taste some breastmilk (I just say no and kept it all quite light and silly as it gave me the ick and also would have been a faff as I wasn't pumping). I'd just keep politely telling her that we don't touch etc and I'm sure in time she'll get over it

I think you should carry on doing what you're doing. You're reiterating that your milk is for the baby, and you're not giving her the idea that she's doing something wrong or disgusting.

You don't need to feel guilty at all. She doesn't need your milk, and she can be close to you in other ways.

(Also, it's entirely possible that she wouldn't be able to nurse any more - I'm not an expert but years ago I read on some breastfeeding forum or other that after a while their mouths don't form the shapes properly. Or something. don't @ me)

Maybe reinforce what babies don't get? . If she was still a baby then no ice cream!! Show her advantages to being the big dsis! Even a few mins later to bed than the baby goes a long way ime!!

I agree with this. Enjoy fun 'big girl' mum and daughter time together. Leave baby with dad and take her for a juice and cake in a cafe - she will feel all grown up. Or take her swimming or to pick a pretty t-shirt in a shop. Or let her pick what you wear for the day - little simple things which make her stand out as the 'big girl'.

You've done the tthing ghing saying no. It's for babies the same as nappies and bibs and potties.

This sounds like a good idea. Remind her of the positive aspects of being a 5 year old and not still a little baby.

This does sound quite difficult. It sounds like you're dealing with it well, I would stick with what you're doing.

Maybe reinforce what babies don't get? . If she was still a baby then no ice cream!! Show her advantages to being the big dsis!

I think this is good advice!

Agree with all the advice above, and would add maybe reading her a book or watching a special TV show together during one of the baby's longer early evening feeds, so baby can just get on with feeding but your focus is on the older sibling. That way she feels included in the feed in her own way.

It's perfectly fine to want privacy and boundaries. We all have different feelings about them and it's good to respect your own and encourage her to.

I'm about as pro full term breastfeeding as they come, having fed all my children til they self weaned at around 4-5 years, but I think you did the right thing to say no, given how long it is since your DD stopped. She would quite probably not be able to do it even if you wanted to let her and it would potentially be a traumatic experience for you both. I suspect it's you that she wants, not milk anyway.
Just keep reinforcing that the milk is for the baby now and find other ways to meet her needs. She is probably a bit uncertain where she stands now she4not your only child any more so try to make sure you get enough 1 to 1 time with her so she feels reassured that she's not being "replaced".

Thanks so much for all the supportive and helpful replies! So many good ideas about emphasising and focusing on the positives of being 'big sister' and grown up.Whilst I don't think breastfeeding is solely for 'babies' and know some people and their 5yo still enjoy it, I knew I was ready to stop with DD at 3.5 personally. I just struggle with implementing boundaries with her that are not 'essential' (such as not crossing the road on her own) or for my own personal gain or convenience, without feeling guilty.

DS1 did this about 6 months after he stopped, he got really upset about it, asked on and off a few times for six months and then stopped and never mentioned it ever again.

I think maybe I had encouraged him to wean a bit before he was ready but I don't regret it, he was over 4 and it has to be a mutually agreeable thing.

Weirdly I weaned DS2 younger and he didn't do it at all. He never showed any sign of wanting to start again even though DS3 was born 3 months later.

I just struggle with implementing boundaries with her that are not 'essential' (such as not crossing the road on her own) or for my own personal gain or convenience, without feeling guilty.

now this, I can relate to hugely with DS1 and it probably does feed into it.

Have a look at Janet Lansbury's writing about boundaries. I find her approach hits the gentle, respectful buttons I like but also helps me with why and how to set boundaries.

am in the process of weaning off of formula supplement and wasn’t sure how. This article explained how perfectly. I am so thankful for the information. I want to breastfeed so badly and have just felt like a failure. My milk didn’t come in until 6 days pp and she had lost 14% of her body weight so the pediatrician wanted us to supplement. Now we are at 4 weeks and passed birthweight again so I am starting the weaning process.