Why does my baby hate me?

[Lsk22]

I have a 5 month old who I feel like hates me. We don’t see his dad and we live with my parents. My parents have him a lot of the time, and I feel like he likes them better. He won’t settle for me only my mum. He screamed and screamed in my arms but as soon as my mum took him he was fine.

How can I build a better bond with my baby because this is breaking me

Your baby does not hate you.

I suspect you feel tense/stressed and baby senses that.

Please get in touch with your HV and seek help and support to feel more confident.

Babies can't feel hate. So your baby doesn't hate you.

He just dislikes he me then

You need to spend more time with the baby - being his/her mum and primary carer instead of having your parents look after most of the time.

You have to do the grunt work yourself instead of trading that away, you can’t expect the baby to bond with you if you always have someone else looking after the baby.

Why are you still living at home with your parents when you have a child of your own??

I’m 19. My parents don’t have him “ most of the time” they help me with him so I can shower etc . I do everything with him. Are you seriously judging right now?

Well, here's a fact for you. All kids reserve their most beastly behaviour for their parents. You're the sky and the air to him, his complete world and he will give you all he has, including fury and frustration along with all the smiles and cuddles. In the coming years you will get a lot more because with each phase of growing up, he'll push against you and want you to hold the boundaries that keep him safe.

Sometimes babies cry a lot more with their primary caregiver just because they feel safe enough to let it all out. It's not necessarily a reflection on how he feels about you.

Another tricky thing is that babies can pick up on tension. You seem to be feeling bad about yourself. Maybe you went through a stressful break up and maybe you're down on your situation because you're living with your parents. If your parents are calm and relaxed and you're a coiled up spring, he will notice even if you don't say anything (babies have evolved to be good at picking up on body language).

You're his mother forever, you will build a loving bond with him. You need to prioritize relaxing, building up your esteem and spending time with him (away from your parents, preferably) to build up more confidence. Have you ever taken him swimming, or to the swings at the park? Think of some nice experiences you can have together and don't just look out for any sign that he hates you. He's a baby. He loves you and wants you to be happy around him.

@Lsk22

Oh sweet of course your baby doesn't hate you. Though I remember the feeling of it seeming like I was the only one who couldn't settle my daughter.

Do you breastfeed? Some say it's the smell of milk that means they don't settle so well with mum.

Some say it's if you're tense- but of course you will be, having a new baby is very stressful! Especially when they are unsettled.

To be honest- I think sometimes mums get subjected to a lot of the emotion of babies/toddlers/children where others don't. Can't tell you why I'm afraid but I am sending love and strength.

You are your baby's rock and home and all your care and love now will come back to you I promise. It does get easier

Sometimes those sorts of feelings, that your baby doesn't like you, can be a sign of post-natal depression. Go and see the health visitor and tell them how you are feeling.

I thought this with my DD, honestly her mood just changed for the better when OH was holding her. I tried and failed to BF and it was like she was angry at me which really upset me.

Now at age 4. She will not be parted from me and I'd love her to cling on to someone else for a while so I can get on with stuff 😂.

I totally understand your worry but babies do this sometimes, it's definitely nothing you're doing wrong.

No I’m not judging you but you didn’t say you were 19 in your OP, that does change things as you’re still so young yourself.

I agree, baby may be sensing tension in you. Nothing to worry about…. You’ll become more relaxed in time. Also if you normally (breast) feed baby he might be expecting milk from you whereas he knows he can’t get it elsewhere. Baby will definitely love you…. You may find you’re excellent with toddlers and your parents get annoyed with them…. Don’t stress it. Easier said than done, but try to get some time to yourself with baby so parents don’t start stepping in and providing all the fun…. This is more important when baby is a little older.

I was your age when I had my daughter and lived at home, I had exactly the same feelings as you, felt like she hated me. Bit honestly I'm SO grateful she settled with other people, it meant I could shower, or grab a nap if my mum didn't mind watching her for an hour. It actually allowed me to have a break. I know some mums who couldn't hand their babies over to anyone else.

She's now 11 and no attachment issues. She's now just incredibly close to her nana which is lovely

@Glitterspy May have sounded slightly harsh but I don’t think they meant to be. You didn’t say how old you were and you did say that your parents have baby ‘a lot of the time’
Your baby doesn’t hate you but I do remember that feeling. You will both develop a great bond over time

If your parents have the baby a lot of the time, she'll be used to them and picking up on your tension and anxiety.aybe it's time to move out and establish your own family unit??

I’m 19 with an army boyf who’s constantly deployed. I don’t work. As much as I wish I could move out, it’s not possible. Rent where I live is the highest in the country

Hi Op, I would suggest you to do a baby massage. It helped me to bond with my baby and she loves it. Same as you we couldn't establish breastfeeding and I needed some extra activity to feel closer to her.

You are doing a great job and trust me your baby loves you X