What to do when baby will no longer be fed or rocked to sleep?

[MintGreenLife]

DS is 11 months old and breastfed. He has always fed to sleep, but over time has also needed rocking at the end of a feed to be able to be put down. His wakeups in the night have become increasingly longer (he might feed for half an hour before he finally falls asleep feeding) and thenI will have to rock him for a good 10-15 mins before he’s soundly asleep so I can put him down. The last couple of weeks, he won’t fall asleep with a feed at bedtime, so I have to rock him for about 20-30 minutes before I can put him down. He’s 22lb and I’m small, and it’s breaking my back, plus I end up absolutely boiling! He still wakes 2-3 times in the night, and have the same thing all over again at each wakeup.

Any advice?! Don’t know why our usual methods aren’t working anymore, but feel like this isn’t sustainable.

I would just put him down and leave him. Then if he cries follow this...

1- Pick up and cuddle. When he stops crying say "it's bedtime now" put him down. Rub his back & sooth to sleep (or until you can escape!)

2- Pick up and settle (no talking), put back down, rub his back & 'shush' him back to sleep.

3- Don't pick up. Lay him down and rub his back.

Repeat 3 as many times as necessary!

This worked for my two and I liked having a plan to follow to help me stay sane 🤪

Agree with Beautiful I never fed or rocked my baby to sleep, be consistent though.

Sleep training!

@BeautifulDragon thanks for your reply. We tried putting him down awake when he was 7 months old, as we had 10 weeks of him waking every 20-60 mins and refusing to go in his cot, but we did the stay and support method and stayed by his side the whole time, shhhing, singing, patting etc. it worked, but I didn’t expect there to be tears at every bedtime and nap, so after about a week I gave in and went back to feeding to sleep. I just don’t know if I can put him through it if he’s upset, but then I also wonder if what’s happening at the mo is him almost telling us he doesn’t want to be fed or rocked to sleep anymore, as during both he’s constantly squirming around like he’s uncomfortable or frustrated.

At some point, feeding an older baby at night just stimulates them (or so I found with mine). As the weeks went on the more he fed, the more he woke up.

On wakeup do these steps in attempt to settle:

1. Don't pick him up. Sit beside the bed and pat his tummy/hold his hand. Give it at least 5 minutes to see how he reacts and if he calms down (unless he's screaming).

2. If touch doesn't work, pick him up and cradle him while rocking gently. I would bob in time with Ewan the Sheep's heartbeat. Again, give the baby time to slowly settle.

3. If touch and rocking don't work, give him a quick feed.

I would also recommend white noise.

You should always make feeding the very last thing you do when trying to settle. At night you have the darkness and natural melatonin working in your favour. You will probably still have to feed him sometimes each night to settle, but if you can get him settled even sometimes without picking him up, the number of feeds required overnight will slowly dwindle until they're gone.

Good luck!

And yeah, I would recommend sleep training to break the habit completely. It has changed my life

There is a big difference between a 7 month old and an 11 month old. We attempted breaking feeding to sleep at about 7 months and DS just cry hysterically, so I couldn’t go through with it. Tried again at 11 months and we cracked it with pretty much no tears in the space of a week or so. He had outgrown needing to be supported to sleep and just wants to be put down, with a hand on his back. Stopped all the night wakings too.

@AliceW89
it feels like it could be similar, as just seems like he doesn’t want to be held and can’t get comfy enough to go to sleep. He’s a really independent baby and wants to play and do lots of things by himself, so maybe he’s gone the same way with his sleep! Think we will try and put him down awake tomorrow night and see what happens 🤞🏼We haven’t tried since he was 7 months old, so I’m hoping he will surprise me 😂

@Sbena thank you, think we will try putting him down awake tonight - am currently on the first wakeup, which took 40 mins, which is pretty good for us, as last night first wakeup was an hour after he went to bed, and it took 2hrs to get him back down!

I just had an absolutely horrific 10 days with my 11 month old, she would not go in her cot whatever I did despite falling asleep feeding or on me and seemingly being in a deep sleep, yet pinging awake as soon as I moved her. She would scream like she was in agony so couldn’t be left/patted/ssshed etc

googling told me this was a fairly usual thing around this age (I’m still not sure why), but she’s gone back to normal and has actually stopped feeding to sleep by herself after coming out of this weird time.

so solidarity and it will end!