How do you cope if your DH works nights?

[ecnatsid]

And you work full time too? Both working 12 hour shifts, I'm days and he's nights.

We have a 2.5 year old and a 10 month old.

DH was working days as he became a carer for his DF following a serious stroke last year, he was helping out after work while his DSis helped during the day.

However, work have said this doesn't suit them as a business and he must go back to nights.

Any tips on how I can manage, I've been used to the help during the night since youngest was born? He's a terrible sleeper

Frankly, working nights is incompatible with family life. There is no way you can manage this long term without it ruining your relationship with DH or his relationship with his kids, or both. He needs a new job.

Is there a possibility of shift rotation? Someone on day shifts who would be happy to do half day shifts half nights with your dh? I don't think it is necessarily true that night shifts and families can't go together.

My dh works night shifts, although only three at a time at the moment. He was doing a week of them for the last 18 months. On nights the dc often get into bed with me, especially my five year old who still isn't a fantastic sleeper.

It will be hard without lots of nursery. When my DH comes off nights, he stays up to do the nursery and breakfast club then goes to bed at 9am (I leave for work as he comes home at 7).

We actually don't mind it in short bursts, because it means we get a family dinner and then do bath and bedtime together. DH usually has another hour's cat nap before starting work at 10pm. I agree it would be hard permanently.

Short term, I'd sleep train your baby. That should make life easier.

I'm dreading it, he becomes depressed on nights and we never see each other and this was pre-2nd DS. So it'll only be worse now

He isn't prepared to look for another job because he says he'll never get one that pays so good. He just keeps saying "we'll get through it" but this seems to be the common saying lately and it's causing problems

Both kids are in nursery twice a week, can't afford any more than that and we rely on family help for other childcare

My OH works nights and I echo what someone has already said about it being totally incompatible with family life. So much resentment has built up that I just don’t know if we’ll ever be the same again. We have young kids and like yourself, I struggle in the the night and then back up in the morning with them as well. It’s relentless and honestly I feel like I carry all the responsibilities on my shoulders

And also like your OH he says “it pays well and I won’t find another” whenever I’ve asked him to try and find a more suitable working pattern

So if your partner is doing nights and you're on a day, does it always work out that your children will be in nursery for the day after the night shift? If so, we would usually say that the person working days would drop off on the way to work, and the person doing nights would pick up after their sleep.

It's really tough! I'm on maternity leave and look after two kids whilst my partner does nights. I only get about 4 hours sleep per night.

He works 6pm-6am, but he likes to leave at 5pm, I'd be working 7:30am-8pm, I don't see how it'll be possible. Apparently his work aren't flexible.

I'm a student nurse, so my placements can vary. I have a job waiting for me when I qualify next year, which would be 9-5, much more suitable for childcare.

I just really struggle with how I'm going to manage. Youngest DS is a poor sleeper and sometimes toddler, although he sleeps amazing can take up to 2 hours to settle.

We do have family to help, but I can't rely on them forever they already do sooo much to help.

Nursery is 8am-6pm

How many days a week are you each working?
Sounds like it's going to be really tough.

Is it getting both kids to bed you are most worried about? There will be ways round that, it's not impossible. Baby's sleep should improve little by little, which will also help. It would be 5pm - 8pm childcare that would concern me most, but if you have enough family rou d, maybe that's not an issue?

So no nurses, doctors, police, ambulance, firefighters...should have children?

Shifts are a part of many professions - particularly those that involve life saving and serious health and wellbeing issues. Who do you think is going to provide you those services 24/7 when you need them?

Shift work is also part of most infratrustures to keep things running.

There are millions - probably hundreds of millions of families around the world with a shift worker in the family and children and they make it work.

I'm a nurse so I do a mix of dayshifts and nightshifts, my husband works 8am-4pm 5 days a week. We sleep trained in advance of me going back to work so he more or less sleeps through most nights. I don't know how I could have gone back to work otherwise.

Dh works nights. I do everything, all day, every night, because he's either at work or asleep. I work school hours with poor pay in order to be able to do it all, but that means I need his income.