Losing friends due to different parenting styles

[anabundanceofjars]

I have a few friends that I have been close with for years, however, now we have children it's become obvious that we have very different parenting styles.
Is it inevitable to lose friends when you become a parent?

Just meet up in the evening with no kids in tow & avoid group bbq and holidays with kids.

What if they start the bedtime routine at 4pm every day?

Not in my experience, if anything we see more of friends with dc as they're happy to do child friendly activities. Or as pp says ypu just see them for nights out etc.

No two people have identical parenting styles. Of course you can be friends with people who parent differently

4 pm!
I have friends with different parenting style. They are not abusive just very different and there is nothing wrong with different.

How old are their dc? You could still meet during the day or in the evening after the kids are in bed.

I’d try and see it through the tiny kids years, sometimes differences are less apparent as kids get older (or sometimes they’re more apparent 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄!).

How do you expect a decent answer if you only give half the information?

What are the differences in parenting styles and how does it cause difficulties?

I’ve had this recently and have now had to have very limited contact with my sister.

it does complicate things when you see friends with their kids and your parenting styles are different

The age where 'different parenting styles' feel incompatible is really very short. I would try to avoid losing real friends over it. You can socialise without the kids, but even socialising with is rarely an issue IME - can require a bit of additional forethought (to make plans which are mutually compatible) and flexibility (because honestly it's not the end of the world to permit screens at the table when you're out with friends who do this, or to impose 'no sweets before lunch' or whatever even if you're usually not concerned).

I've stepped back from a couple of friendships due to differences in style. Notably those where the differences had the potential to lead to harm to my child (laissez-faire attitude to hitting/boundaries or low level bullying).

That said I have much loved friends whose style are also completely different, but it doesn't impact me or my kids, so it's no issue.

Just subtly start distancing yourself. A previous friend of mine had a terrible toddler. He was fed a continuous stream of snacks if we went anywhere to keep him behaving.. My dc could never understand why they didn't.. Was difficult..

Go on OP, tell us about them. You know you want to!

I have some friends who are very strict and some the opposite. They are all just trying to be good parents in the way they think is right. I try to stick to my rules regardless, which is hard sometimes but we always say "different parents have different rules"...

Then I'd see them earlier in the day. I might inwardly roll my eyes, and then I might wind up with egg on my face when my next baby turns out to need exactly this.

(Personally I'd be thrilled - we're early risers and by 4pm it's not bedtime but I am too tired to be great company. I love friends - children or otherwise - who also consider 9am a good time to meet - why is this not more socially normal?!)

4pm??
What time to they eat their dinner/tea?

Being a mum put paid to all my judgemental parenting attitudes. Now I say whatever gets you through the day.

What's the differences between your styles?

Is that the main issue? The family with the early routine?

I have a friend whose child goes to bed at 5.30 (!) and in some way that works as we then can get out drinking pretty early whilst her DH is at home with the baby!

It is an issue if you want it to be. Organise weekend and evening meet ups adult only if you wish to continue being friends!

I've lost a couple of really good friends not just due to style, but just due to the child's routine literally taking over their life. One friend is only available from 10-11.30am because her toddler sleeps at that time but it has to be at her house. It just got to the stage that I got fed up of missing her. I couldn't even phone her as from about 4pm she would turn a white noise app on from her phone to signal the "wind down" and it would stay on until 7am the next morning when the baby woke up.

This

Let me guess; you’re ‘crunchy’ and they’re the Gina Ford type?
Meet up in daytime at neutral venue or in the pub after bed time.

No, but it's terribly common to have different parenting styles from friends.
My BF and her DH had VERY different parenting methods from ours (and her son was the BF of mine, so we were all very aware of the contrast and there were a few parental spats. The kids didn't give a hoot and seamlessly adjusted to the home /parent they were with at the time. BF's daughter grew up to be a child psychologist and told her mother she intended to raise her own children "just like bazooka, I always envied those boys".

BF and I were highly entertained ; by the time the kids were adults we were well aware we'd both made plenty of mistakes. There's no such thing as a perfect parent.

You say this as if it either something terrible or makes it impossible to see each other.

If your friends life is easier with her kids bedtime routine starting at 4pm, you say "I think it's great you have found a routine that works and makes your life easier, shall we meet at 12.00 on XXX???