Colic hell, don’t feel supported

[eastofeden86]

My baby is 5.5 weeks old and very colicky. Today she screamed at me from 8am until 5pm, stopping for a short sleep in the afternoon (thank god). She’s worst immediately after feeds but won’t tolerate being burped. I’ve been to the GP with her and been given omeprazole for acid reflux. Not seeming to have much impact.

Partner works from home and is helpful but I’m enraged by him today. Doesn’t support me emotionally (mental health stuff makes no sense to him, if he’s honest he sees it as a sign of weakness) - today in response to me in tears saying I couldn’t cope he said her crying was ‘no worse than’ and then listed off any number of other shitty days we’ve had with her where I’ve been on the verge of chucking myself off a bridge. He came down for lunch, made himself a sandwich and ate it in the garden. I’ve had a cereal bar all day, and half a glass of water.

I’ve just asked him to take her out in her pram for half an hour so I can have some time away from her. His initial response: ‘why can’t you just go upstairs?’ He also said he didn’t want to in case she started kicking off. I insisted so they’ve gone.

I’m so sick of being told ‘all babies cry’, ‘she’ll grow out of it’ and ‘you just have to get through it’. I know all that. I just want someone to tell me it’s hard, it’s ok to find it hard and that I’m doing well anyway. Actually, I just want my partner to tell me that.

what do you mean, a 5 wk old "won't tolerate being burped? "

Maybe what she's suffering from is wind. Try gripe water on a teaspoon.

@2bazookas We obviously burp her. But as soon as we start she cries much harder, claws at us, kicks etc. Tried any number of different positions for burping, they all seem to cause her physical pain.

She’s only just become old enough for gripe water (instructions say not for babies younger than a month) and GP said it rarely works, but could potentially give it a shot.

I know what you mean, you just want a bit of sympathy. It’s easy for him, he can step away from the screaming and go back to work. If it’s so easy, how come he isn’t keen to do even half an hour on his own?

Dentinox drops in bottles worked wonders for us! And maybe look at the milk you're using if formula fed xxx

Why didn't he make you a sandwich, the selfish fuck?!?

Perhaps he should take her on a walk in his lunch break, you can make 2 sandwiches and eat yours in peace.

He needs to understand that the effect in you if very cumulative, the fact you have had other hard day's doesn't make today easier to deal with, it makes it harder!

If formula fed can you try the anti reflux stuff? Really helped my DD. As for your partner, he is invalidating your emotions. Sympathies, my now ex partner was similar, I just wanted a hug and for him to acknowledge it was shit rather than allll the reasons why I shouldn't feel the way I did. He was also WFH when she was that age and swanned about having his lunch, didn't really help because he was 'at work'. Can you talk to him about what you need? You might have to really spell it out for him.

Colic is brutal, it's heartbreaking and exhausting.
Our DS had it, it broke my heart feeling so helpless, we did use Dentinox which helped for a bit, if you are formula feeding try the DR browns bottles I hear they were good.

I really do feel for you. Your DH needs to step up so much more and understand the toll it takes on you emotionally to see your baby so sad and you be so helpless.

I feel your pain, it is so tough and unrelenting when they constantly cry.

You are doing an amazing job, hang in there and give your DH a kick up the backside! He needs to understand that small things like making lunch or taking the baby out for 30 mins will do wonders for you.

Firstly, a bucket load of sympathy, because I have been where you are. Newborns who never settle, scream all day and seem to be soothed by nothing are so so hard. It’s not your imagination, it is really really tough and you are doing an amazing job just showing up every day and carrying on, when you are at the end of your rope. I’m sorry your DH doesn’t see this and well done for forcing the issue about him taking her out.

She sounds similar to my DS if the first time she napped today was this afternoon. He was an absolute nightmare to get to sleep. He never, ever ‘just drifted off’ after about 2 days old. He was a bit refluxy, but his main issue was overstimulation and overtiredness. I found he would nap in the sling, so I walked thousands of steps every day to get him to sleep. It made it better. He still had colic and he screamed on the dot of 4pm everyday until 12 weeks, but at least it stopped the all day scream sessions. My recommendation would be to find anyway to get her to sleep more.

Fingers crossed it gets better for you x

I also second the Dr Browns bottles which reduce the amount of air they swallow. My DD is on comfort milk which eased her colicky symptoms too, but I feel your pain, it is so hard.

Your DH is being out of order. He should be giving you reassurance/tea/sympathy/sandwiches left right and centre.
Keep insisting he takes baby out in the pram. I mean, he should really be offering but hey...
Being in charge of a colicky baby as a mum can be soul destroying. It's so hard to hear them cry and every Tom, Dick and Harry seems to have an opinion on what you should be doing..
It's a particularly rough initiation into motherhood and I think those who haven't experienced it can never really understand what it's like.
My son was horrific from 5-8 weeks and then it gradually tapered off. This screaming red bundle turned into the most smiley, mellow, snuggly golden boy who is a joy to be around. I know you don't want to hear more people telling you to ride it out but please believe me it is going to get SO much better for you and your little girl in ways you most likely can't even imagine now.
My DH was pretty awful during the colic days and said he couldn't cope with the crying, so I ended up with the baby stuck to me like a limpet around the clock, barely getting time to eat or shower. It was madness. My heart really went out to you when I read your post. Kiddo is 9 months now and I still have a lot of, erm, feelings about DH's behaviour at that time that I need to process....
Colic can literally make you go crazy but it sounds like you are doing a bloody heroic job doing your best to wrangle a shouty newborn and keep her as comfortable as possible. Well done OP!!!

@Olinguita what a lovely message. I needed to read that today.

Ah glad to hear it was some encouragement ❤️Hope you are doing ok wherever you are #ColicSurvivors
My colicky boy is now 4 and is a delight, and those challenging days of pacing up and down with a crying baby are a distant memory. However he is now really into toilet humour and we are in the depths of non-stop fart and poo jokes 😂 but just wanted to add another public service message if anyone is looking at the thread and has a colicky baby - it gets SO much better/easier!!!

@Olinguita weve just hit 6 weeks today and I feel ive been tested in ways I never could have imagined- made worse by the fact she is 4 years in the making and an ivf baby so the guilt and shame of not enjoying every second of her existence is all consuming.
Weve been in colic land since 2.5 weeks and there are no trends as to it getting progressively better or worse so I dont know how much longer we'll be dealing with thie but I have evening fear every night. Bring on the fart joke stage 😂xx