Does this sound like attachment disorder?

[IcePolePlease]

Long, sorry, but don't want to drip feed.

Until my twins were about 15 months old, I was convinced they didn't like/need me. They were totally content by themselves and rarely cried. They didn't like being held or making eye contact, and just weren't interested in interacting with me at all really. They didn't seek me for comfort and they had never even tried to hand me a toy. I must add, I did not have PND and am confident that it wasn't just my perception. My (excellent) health visitor spent two hours at my house and agreed that their presentation was "unusual". I found it all a bit upsetting, but of course I kept trying every day and made sure that all their needs were met.

Overnight they changed, and almost the opposite happened! They wanted to involve me in all of their play, finally started responding to their names and their language exploded. They also developed huge separation anxiety, which did not concern me as I know it's quite usual. Strangely, they still didn't really like affection though.

However, they are now 2-and-a-half, and they are still like it (more than a year later). If I so much as leave the room to use the toilet, they scream like I'm leaving them forever. I try to be as attentive as possible, but it's exhausting and I worry that I've failed them somehow. Despite my best efforts, they won't nap anymore so I have no time during the day to safely cook or get housework done. This means I do unfortunately have to ignore them briefly while I do things like prepare food or get dressed in the morning. They literally cling to my legs all day, yet if I try to get them to sit on my lap they won't have any of it. They fight for my attention constantly, but when they get it they don't really want it. It's like they just need to know I'm there.

I feel like they're not well attached to me. I'm really worried that I've done something wrong. How can I fix it?

Just to add -

If I leave them with their dad or granny, they scream blue murder for about 5 minutes but are then generally fine. When I come back they seem quite pleased to see me, but don't immediately run for a cuddle or anything. They are much worse if they know I'm elsewhere in the house (and therefore "available") - in this case they will stand at the stair gate and scream relentlessly until I come back, no matter who is looking after them.

Bumping

What would have caused attachment disorder? It doesn't come out of nowhere.
Their first 18 months sounded more to me like SEN but the change in presentation might call that into question. They sound fairly normal but on the more anxious end of the scale, possibly because they are twins and therefore competing for you.

It's more likely to be a twin thing. Are you in any multiples networks?

I found twins exhausting- they were intensely bonded with each other, and alternated between ignoring me and fighting over me! Anything one felt, the other joined in with- so if one was anxious about me going to the loo, they both screamed blue murder about it!

Hang in there, they start to separate themselves out soon. Is there anyone else involved that can take one off for ten minutes occasionally? It's important to start helping them gently separate- nothing forced, just gently playing separate games, looking through different windows, noticing their different preferences.

No, attachment disorder is more in relation to trauma and serious disruption and uncertainty. Your situation while it sounds tiring is completely different. Be patient, give lots of love and reassurance and this phase will pass

It sounds like normal clingy behaviour to me but if you have worries I think you should speak to your GP. It is always better to ask a question than just fret alone.

But why would they have attachment disorder? It is usually caused by very problematic parenting, do you really think you were a problematic parent of the type where social services would have taken an interest?

Do they spend any time apart?

Being clingy is not attachment disorder OP. Lots of babies and children are, and most usually go through separation anxiety at some point. Attachment disorder is usually assessed by other means. Like, for example, a child may be observed on how they act around their parent in new or slightly worrying situations. Do they see their parent as their safe place and gain courage from them, for example. Or if they have become upset or scared, how do they respond to comfort from their parent. If your twins are upset or scared, do they calm down very quickly when you pick them up/hug them/reassure them? This is a sign of a secure attachment, for example.

Have a read up on it all. It's very interesting.

Thank you all so much, your responses are really reassuring. It sounds like I was massively overthinking it. It is interesting how different they seem on the rare occasions they are apart, perhaps it would be good for them to have some 1:1 time more often. I will always be puzzled by their early presentation (and yes, at the time I felt strongly that SEN was likely). I've been spending a lot of time with a friend and her 10 month old recently, and I just can't believe the difference in comparison to my twins at that age. Definitely overthinking!

My DD was like this, literally used to cry at the baby gates like I was leaving her forever!, every single time. I couldn’t leave the room
& if I held another baby she would scream the house down! Wouldn’t let anyone else console her! It was so tiring! Same at Nursery, used to cling to my legs! I nearly went to the GP about it!

now at 5, she’s a confident, independent little sweetheart who insists I drop her off at parties & go! I skip off like a dream!

I think this is normal & it will get better.

3 year old twins here, sounds fairly normal to me. You really can’t compare twins to a singleton it’s a totally different dynamic.

when one of my DT’s was about 8 months old she would only tolerate me if her dad wasn’t around 😂 you just don’t get that precious one on one time.

I honestly found 18months - 3 years to be horrid, it was so so challenging. We’re starting to come out the other end now. So your twins go to a nursery at all?