10 year old doesn’t want to hang around with me anymore

[Coffeekam]

He constantly and I mean constantly wants to be outside playing with his friends. We moved house recently and he started a new school. We moved to a new estate where there are around 10 children all the same age as him. All 10 years old.

He doesn’t even want to play on his PlayStation anymore. He just wants to be out playing. When I see them they are either playing football or play fighting 🤔. It’s hardly a warm summer here but still he won’t stay In.

any day out I plan he doesn’t want to go and if I ask if he would like to do something fun like cinema or etc he says he’d rather play out with friends.

I know I should be happy he’s outside instead of playing video games but I miss him and feel so bored and tied to the house as he never wants to leave.

is this normal ?

No it's not normal. And by that I mean you, not your 10 year old. It's not his job to keep you company or entertain you. Find yourself a life outside of your role as mother.

He's 10, you're his mum, if you need/ want to leave the house then he hasn't got a choice. Don't give him all the power.
It's good that he likes playing out and had friends to play with but he needs to know its not always about what he wants.

haha Typical mumsnet. Of course I know it’s not his job to keep me entertained. I can’t just get a lift outside being a mother as I can exactly just leave him alone to roam free. I try to offer things to do that he would also find enjoyable but he still doesn’t want to come 🤷‍♀️. I expected this when he was a teenager but 10 seems so young to never ever want to be in the house or come a day out with me and his younger siblings.

Is this a joke?

What if you offered to take one or two of his new friends along?

a joke 😂 why would it be a joke. I wondered if other mums of 10 year olds noticed their children wanting to be increasingly independent and not wanting to do anything with them.. even fun stuff.

oh my goodness, Mumsnet cracks me up it’s like another planet in here 😳

OP, taking children for days out etc is a relatively new thing. At 10, I spent pretty much my whole time playing with the other children in the village where I grew up. We rode around on bikes, played football/cricket and that was pretty much all we did. My mum was a SAHM - I suppose she spent some time doing domestic chores and some time on her hobbies (she played an instrument, we had a big garden, she did botanical illustrations just for fun). I don't think she hung around feeling désœuvré. I used to feel sorry when my DC were that age that we didn't live in the kind of place where they could do this - I had to do a lot to entertain them. I would enjoy it if I were you - especially after lockdowns etc, playing with other children is by far the best thing they can do.

Mine are always in & out and although it's great they are becoming more streetwise and independent, I get what you mean when it limits your own activities because they're so busy. Yes, I can and do tell them that it's time to come in because I have to do something but then you feel like you're "dragging" them out with you!

He’s ten. He’s getting older. This is normal. Sorry. If you really want to go somewhere, you can insist he accompanies you - but bear in mind that this is a treat for you, not for him, so phrase it as such and be sparing about how often you do that. You do miss him, but that’s part of being a parent of a child who is growing up. It hurts, but you can’t stop it. Don’t destroy a good relationship by being overbearing.

Sorry it sounded like you were being sarcastic "he doesn't even play on his PlayStation anymore"

Yes it's perfectly normal OP. He's getting older and becoming more independent. It's natural to miss him, but be proud that you've raised a confident happy boy who has fulfilling friendships.

Its normal that he wants to be out, friends are always going to be more fun than your mum

You could invite his friend along with you on trips, they would probably be more fun for him if its not just you as a pair or just tell him 'yes you can go out but be back by three as we are going to the cinema'.

I dont think you have to stay in the house just because he is out, as long as you are local and he can call you, or maybe has a key incase he wants to come back

I lived in the local park at that age, before and after school, but we had a rule that we did family stuff on sunday, the rest of the time it was with friends from about age 9 onwards.
Its nice that hes out and about and being active, maybe just set up a day where you do other stuff?

My DD is 5 and exactly like this. I'm happy! Playing with friends is what childhood is all about. If we visit stately homes etc it's for me really. I love that she's so social.

His behaviour sounds healthy and normal for ten, I would find it weirder if he wanted to be around you constantly!

Yes it's very normal. And yes it can get boring being stuck in when they're out playing. Saying that mine (now a teen) has always still spent time with me and came on odd days out/family visits etc . (we went to the cinema last night).
Personally I got myself a couple of hobbies I can do from home and used the time to do online courses related to my work. Or just put your feet up and read a book, this is the start of much more freedom for you as well as him.

Totally normal. I loved it but I know some friends have struggled as their kids build independent lives. Find a way to be ok and use the time well!

Perfectly normal. thank your lucky stars your boy is living a proper real childhood.

Normal to my experience. When we were kids we played out all day and if my DM wanted to go out, she'd call us in to go with her.

Get a hobby 👍🏻

I'd say it's normal. If you need to go out somewhere then tell ds it's time to go and he can play out with friends another time.

A lot of my childhood (80s/90s) was spent this way. We would go down the park or to the Wimpey. These were my formative experiences. School was just forced socialisation in the early morning with a group you happened to be the same age as. We hung around with the group we lived near and who we liked and had similar interests outside of school.

I think it's really important to be around a chosen group from an early age. Taking them on days out is new as the other poster said, it's a good point. I take mine swimming and to the park regularly because they are close, but the big days are reserved for family outings or birthdays. I don't try to take her out and pay lots of money regularly because it's not necessary.

If he's sociable and getting on with kids around the area that's so great as long as he is road safe and people safe. I am actively making an effort for my daughter to know the local children for this very reason, I think it's very important. She plays with two different sets now who live on our road and I know the parents.