Dd7 violent tantrums

[Namechange546]

My 7 year old daughter has always had a temper and had tantrums since she was a small toddler.

During the covid lockdowns things started to escalate and she would often say she was grumpy. This sometimes resulted in screaming and shouting but usually I could talk her round.

Over the last 6 months things have gotten really bad. She has violent tantrums daily, constantly harrasses and bullies her older sister. There is usually no reason we can see for the tantrums. Sometimes it begins as soon as she wakes up, other days it can start through the day or at bedtime. She screams, hits and kicks us, says she hates us, wishes we were dead and she is going to run away. She does dangerous things like throw herself about at the top of the stairs or walk on the back of the sofa. She says she doesn't care about herself or anyone else and wants to get hurt. On a few occasions she has scratched herself then said I did it. She says she feels like nothing.

We've tried all the usual behaviour management techniques- rewards, consequences, i spend a lot of time talking about her feelings, whats causing the moods etc.

I took her to a private child psychologist who's advice was to follow gentle parenting but that hasn't worked. She doesn't really show any other signs of neuro diversity other than the anger and tantrums.

We have involved her school and the GP but they haven't really offered any support. School mentioned some CBT but that can't begin until after the summer holidays. She behaves well at school, is academically bright and has a nice group of friends. She only has tantrums at home and, on a couple of occasions, at her grandparents' house. When she isn't in this mood, she is a lovely, kind and helpful little girl.

I'm at my wits end. I don't know what to do or where to go for help. Has anyone else experienced this? What did you do? Was this the result?

for you op, it's so hard to see your dc so unhappy.

My DS has similar tantrums. We couldn't see many signs of neurodiversity either but it turns out he is autistic with sensory processing disorder. He is very good at masking a lot of his issues but when it all gets too much he blows up. Might be worth investigating.

@JellyTeapot thanks for your reply. Can I ask, how did you get your DS diagnosed? Did you go to the GP or did the school help with a referral?

I think there may be a sensory element - I've bought DD a bodysock and sometimes I calm her down by with physical activity where she is pushing against resistance - such as cycling her legs against my hands then when she says a number to change gear, I make it harder for her to push. She is usually giggling by the end. But these things work a couple of times then she realises what I'm doing or is too far gone and won't engage with me.

My GP was utterly useless and school was trying to help, but as he masks so much there he was very low priority. We got a private assessment in the end as it could have been years before we were seen on the nhs (if ever.)