For the past 3 weeks at nursery my son has been showing defiant behaviour. He is 4 years old and due to start primary school in September.
He goes into nursery for 5.5 hours a day and the past couple of weeks when I've picked him up the feedback has been mixed. They say he's not listening, he's hurting other children and members of staff and throwing things. On days when he's misbehaved he will have no treats, won't get to do fun activities that he enjoys after nursery and no screen time. He is aware of how he is behaving is wrong, but he doesn't behave like this outside of nursery so it's strange. He's an only child so when we're home he plays by himself or with me and he can get a bit too rough at time but if he's told he tones it down a bit. If we go to a birthday party or a softplay he can play with children he knows and children he doesn't fine with no fighting or injuries, so I don't know what it is about a nursery setting that changes him.
I had requested the Health Visitor come and observe him at nursery which was scheduled for yesterday. On Monday he had to be picked up from nursery two hours early for throwing and shattering a bowl.
When collected from nursery yesterday (after the HV observation) the nursery staff said he had been 90% good with the only incidents being getting up before he was meant to after lunch and trying to take a balloon off of another kid after his popped. Both those incidents aren't out of the realm of a normal 4 year old behaviour so I deemed it a good day - he got to go to the park, have a treat and some screen time.
However, a couple of hours later the HV called to speak to me about their observation and told me they saw very defiant behaviour from my son, she had not seen a child push the boundaries and behave like this for a long time, he had been really naughty. A couple of incidents were taking a basket from another child and purposely breaking it so they couldn't play with it, pushing to the front of the dinner queue and having a melt down when told to get to the back, hitting another child when the HV was talking to them. All of these are not acceptable and had to then be dealt with at home AFTER telling him he had behaved a lot better today - nothing liked mixed messages?
The HV feels he may be over bright and under stimulated - he's one of the oldest at nursery so he may be ready to go to school now, I'm just anxious that this behaviour will continue in to Primary. They have asked the nursery to contact the Inclusion officer at the council for additional help but I don't feel they're very proactive about these types of things (I asked them to have their SENCO observe my son the same time I contacted the HV weeks ago and haven't heard back).
I'm quite frustrated that I'm not getting correct feedback from the nursery staff. The HV says she feels they were too soft with him when he is more receptive to a stern tone when misbehaving.
Has anyone been in a similar situation with their pre-schooler that could offer any advice?