What would you do - school for DS

[Whichschool1]

DS starts school in September. We were awarded a place in our 2nd choice (let's call it School 2). We got on the waiting list for our first choice (School 1) but heard through friends that it was way oversubscribed and there was no chance of getting a place so we made our peace with it.

And then today... we were offered a place at school 1! And now I am so torn!

On paper School 2 makes much more sense. It's less than 5 minutes walk from our house and two of DS' best friends would be in his class.

But it is a huge school (3 classes per year) which is what originally put us off (I come from the deep countryside!) and DS is on the shy side. I can barely imagine him in such a big place.

When we walked round School 1, DH and I instantly both agreed it felt like this was DS' school. It was more of a heart over head decision, just a gut feeling. We also have friends with children there who could not recommend it enough. It's a 5 minute drive away so slightly trickier school run. He also wouldn't know anyone there which I feel terrible about but don't know if it matters at that age?

Has anyone gone with the less obvious choice for their child? Have you regretted it?

Do you absolutely need to drive? I'd hate to drive the school run.
I don't think it matters that he won't know anyone, most kids don't when they start school.
I'd personally pick a small school every time.

Thanks @Botoxbotox Yes unfortunately it would be a 45 minute walk through muddy fields each way to walk there. Having to drive is a worry for me, I imagine groundhog day and stress for the next 7 years!

My other worry is whether we'd miss out on the "community" side of it. Parents at the school gate with School 2 would be our neighbours, and in future DS will be able to just step out of the door to meet them. By going to School 1 in another village, it might be harder to build those connections? I just don't know.

Good to know it's not just me who prefers a small school though. The headteacher in School 1 knows all the children and it seems so lovely and personal. In the big school I think he'll be perfectly fine as long as he fits in the mould but otherwise he could get left behind.

I'd be inclined towards an alternative way of looking at this. 3 form entry is not huge. There are plenty of children who are shy who attend 6 form entry or larger in London where I teach, and thrive. I think the proximity of School 2 sounds great (a short walk to and from school is magical) and also the fact he'll have his buddies on day 1. As long as his class teacher is nice and supportive I'd say that's the most valuable thing.

Also the parents from School 1 were always going to say it's fabulous. Unless you know parents from School 2 saying it's not fabulous I wouldn't let that sway away you. Sometimes we have such fixed ideas about things but the universe throws us a new scenario which actually works out better in the end.

Either way I hope it works out for your son.

School 2 sounds like it would make more sense. He would go there and already have friends and people he knows there. 3 forms is not a lot, when I was in secondary school there were 12 forms to a year.

Have you spoken with your son about it to see how he feels?

My dd joined a 3 form entry school - it is large but it doesn’t feel huge. My dd has benefited from lots of extra curricular provision, lots of choice of friendship groups. She has grown a lot in self confidence.

also now she’s y6 I am so pleased she can walk to school independently (or scoot or cycle), meet friends at the park, go to play dates easily with friends nearby etc. I wouldn’t trade that for a longer journey, it is such a hugely important part of a child’s life in my opinion.

Bigger primaries can be amazing. Headteacher seemed to know all the kids by name within 2 weeks of term starting. Judge by how the school feels not just the numbers.

Small schools give children less opportunity to find like-minded friends. There is no room for movement if they have disagreements or are bullied. They are stuck with the same children for 7 years.
In bigger schools, they will be mixed around more and have more space to move away from personality clashes.
Small schools are great if you every child and family are those you want close to your child for the next 7 years!

Thank you, outside thoughts are so helpful.

@GruffalosToes we have friends who moved their DS from School 2 to School 1 half way through the year as it really didn't work out for them. They had a lot of dealings with the school to try to resolve things and felt that their child was just a number. But they did say that they still think it is a good school and it would probably be absolutely fine for another child.

@Tee20x we didn't ask him, as we feel he'll choose to go with his friends and wouldn't really have the bigger picture in mind, so we should really make that decision for him.
Good to hear the perspective that 3 form is not a lot as it is huge for where we are which skews my view.

I do actually think it will be fine either way, so it will be OK. Just feels like such a big decision!

A 3 form school isn't that big, my DC goes to one and it's got such a lovely community. The Head knows the kids, even though there are lots. There are benefits to being bigger too. They are excellent at things like SEN support because they have more kids and more money. They put on great events because they have more people to help out. There are a variety of clubs because they've got the staff to run them. And there's a wider range of kids so greater chance of finding friends.

A local school is such a boon at primary age too. I would not want to have to drive to school every day if I didn't have to. And then you'll be driving for every play date, party and after school event.

What sort of secondary are you looking at? Our probable, catchment, secondary is also massive so we needed our shy DD to get used to big schools.

I'd definitely recommend a closer school if there's nothing else in it, it's so convenient to be able to walk/scoot. Driving in a school run is absolutely shite and everyone becomes possessed by evil spirits in our school's small drop off car park. We walk or cycle as often as we can.

Last year we chose a school which was in the next village to us so a 7-8 min drive there rather than oilier village school. My son didn't know anyone when he started and he has made so many friends. We join in all the PTA events so we feel part of the school community. I do envy the parents who walk to school but overall this was a much better school for my son. It's a 1 form entry and I just couldn't imagine at the time my 4 year old off to a big form entry school. Good luck with your decision

The other benefit of a local school is having people who can help you out with the school run in a bind. I've helped parents who have had a baby, or injured themselves, or had Covid by walking their kids to school with mine. And they've done the same for me. It also means when your child is old enough they can take themselves to school and build up that independence before secondary.

I would go for School 2. Small schools aren't all they're cracked up to be often, and 3 forms will give your DS more chance to find his 'people'. It will also be logistically a lot easier for you and your DS may appreciate having more 'local' friends.

Thank you so much, we discussed it at length over dinner and are now swaying towards sticking with school 2. Your reassurance about big schools is really helping us with that decision.

Ultimately we don't think there is much between them so the logistics is swaying us. We don't have friends or family locally at all and we both work full time, as well as having another child that needs dropping off somewhere else, so it could quickly become stressful.

I think having local friends for DS will really be invaluable too.

@Jadech so interesting you had the exact same situation. I'm so glad it all worked out, and wish it could be the same for us. Unfortunately I am realising that the school run could become more than just an annoyance for us with no back up. So tricky!

At age 2-3, our DS was very quiet, lacking in confidence, and probably not as mature as some his peers (& his sister at the same age). We had the choice of the school where he was already at nursery, with a 15 children year group, or a 2 form entry in a school that had a very academic reputation. We really battled with our decision. I felt that in the familiar school he would have had support to fasten his coat, maybe help to carry his lunch tray and he would know everyone. But then I thought ahead to Juniors and preparation for Secondary school. I realised that in our case, protecting him too much wouldn’t have been helpful in the long term. He needed to get used to 60 children in his year whilst he was young, and whilst all children were doing the same. I knew that at the age of 11 there would be 300 children in his year. Going from
15 to 300 is different to going from 60 upward. Also, he would then know 60 children at the secondary school, not 15. I know children that have done that transition and struggled with it - those that stayed at the school he could have. But that’s just our experience. I wondered if I would regret the decision and I can honestly say I never have. In fact, when he had to transition from Y6 to Y7, during lockdown, I was so grateful for the decision made 7 years earlier.

Also, to say that children won’t really have much awareness of whether they’re in a 1 form entry or 3. It’s not like there will be 90 in one class. It will still work in the same way. 30 in a class with their own dedicated teacher and a TA or 2. They’ll do almost everything as a class. They might divide the class and work across the year group for things such as phonics but again in our experience that is a benefit. 3 teachers, one each teaching 3 abilities can work far better than one teacher teaching a wide range of abilities.

Just my thoughts. Good luck with your decision!

And I underestimated the freedom (& helpful preparation in a safe environment) being able to walk to school with your friends in Y6 gives you. My friends who don’t have that for their children tell me they wish they did.

the only things that seem to be wrong with school 2 is it is 3 form (for me a plus we have a 3 form and a 1 form at the end of our road (the two schools share a border) and I preferred the idea of 3 forms and having seen one child through and the other to year 4 it is much better) and a friend moved

Whereas the plus is walking - and that is huge. A 5 minute drive and then parking is a big thing

Stick with the school